TMPD Antics
by Taliya
Summary: Upon graduating from university, Shinichi, Saguru, Heiji, and Kaito find jobs with the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department. Shinichi and Heiji are in Division One, Homicide; Saguru's in Division Two, Criminal Affairs; and Kaito's in Division Three—Theft? On a side note, KID's still on the loose. Rated for language.
1. I: Hakuba and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

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Warnings: Language, minor violence

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TMPD Antics

By Taliya

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I: Hakuba and Kuroba

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"What are _you_ doing here?"

He turned at the voice, his congenial grin sliding into an unimpressed glower upon seeing his addresser. "Oh, it's _you_."

"Why are you _here_ , Kuroba-kun?" he asked with a hint of suspicion, his eyes lingering on the badge hanging off his coat lapel.

"What, I'm not allowed into the building that I'll be working in, Hakuba?"

Hakuba Saguru, the newest member of Division Two, Criminal Affairs, gaped. "You—you're working _here_?!"

Kuroba Kaito crossed his arms over his chest, easily ignoring the stares of their fellow policemen from Saguru's rather loud exclamation in the hallway. "Yep," he replied succinctly. He unclipped the badge and flashed it in front of his new coworker's face. "See?"

His classmate from high school snatched the badge, tilting it in the fluorescent lighting of the hallway as he checked the hologram printed on the identification card in addition to the placement of the internal computer chip and the headshot of, "Kuroba Kaito, Division Three – Theft".

"You're working in _theft_?" he asked incredulously as Kaito reclaimed his badge and clipped it back onto his coat.

"Well, I wasn't allowed to work in Division Two with Nakamori-keibu," Kaito replied with a pout. "Told me he couldn't afford to have any KID fans as part of his team."

Saguru grumbled under his breath, "I wonder why…"

"I'll be seeing you, Hakuba," Kaito said with a jaunty wave. "Have to report to Momose-keibu."

The blond watched the brunet nuisance wander down the hallway to the elevators before he turned on his heel and stalked towards the offices housing Division Two, muttering about, "Standards," and, "Liars."

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Author's Note: I think this might become a little stress reliever when some of my other fics get to me. I will write this whenever the mood strikes me, so updates will definitely be sporadic. Takes place after Shinichi's organization is taken down, and Shinichi has received the antidote. Can anyone seriously _imagine_ Kaito working for the police? I can only imagine the fun to be had! I feel pity for Saguru already. I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed 29.07.2015


	2. II: Kudou and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

II: Kudou and Hattori

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There was a loud thump, followed by a sharp yelp, then the sound of frantic lungfuls of air being sucked in and out accompanied by boisterous laughter. The other officers of Division One's Homicide Unit glanced up to watch, but their attention quickly faded.

Once he had recovered from the rather hard but friendly slap in the back, he glared at his assailant. "Hattori," he panted, clutching his chest, "Are you _trying_ to kill me?"

"Lighten up, Kudou," came the easy reply with a heavy Kansai accent through chuckles. "I haven't seen you in a while."

Breathing and heart rate back under control, Kudou Shinichi turned to fully face his longtime friend, swiveling in his chair with a grin. "What are you doing here?"

"Applied for an opening here," Hattori Heiji replied, leaning on Shinichi's desk. "Arrived in Tokyo this morning. I needed to get away from the old man."

"Do you have a place to stay?" Shinichi asked, glancing around for extra baggage.

Heiji grinned. "I have a room for the night and plan on looking for a place this afternoon."

Shinichi huffed and shook his head. "I have plenty of spare rooms, so take your pick until you find a place to call your own." He blinked as a thought occurred to him. "Hattori, you _have_ told Kazuha-san about your moving to Tokyo, right?"

Despite the dark color of his skin, Heiji paled. "Oh, damn it all," he swore. "I _knew_ I forgot something!"

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Author's Note: Explanation of why Heiji's moved to Tokyo, despite not having the better okonomiyaki, in his humble opinion. And boy will he get an earful when Kazuha finds out! So now that all four are officially "in play" in Tokyo, I can have my fun! Murders, mysteries, and mayhem ahead! I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 29.07.2015


	3. III: Hakuba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

III: Hakuba and Kudou

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"Damn," Saguru swore as he coughed. The smoke bomb Kaitou KID had deployed irritated the lungs, leaving the men under Inspector Nakamori's command hacking violently. "At least it wasn't knockout gas."

As the haze cleared, he spotted Kaito amongst the men, a sleeve covering his nose and mouth, though he, too, was coughing like the rest of them.

Saguru made his way to his colleague, roughly snagging his tie and pulling them face to face as he slapped a handcuff around the upheld wrist, securing the other to his own. "I've got you, Kaitou KID," he murmured victoriously.

"Oi oi," Kaito said with a distinctly annoyed face, "what makes you think I'm KID?"

"We all know KID can blend into any crowd he pleases, don't we, Kuroba-kun?" Saguru purred. He could taste his victory over his longtime adversary.

"That's a very flattering description of my skills, London gairi na Tantei-kun!" crooned KID from a support strut along the glass ceiling of the museum, a pane already loosened and open for his easy escape. "I didn't realize you thought so highly of me. And oh, Meitantei!" greeted KID cheerfully. "Good to see you again!"

Saguru gaped at the thief in white. "Th-then…" His eyes darted to the man he had cuffed to himself. It was then he noticed the minute differences in physical appearance: the bluer eyes, the more square bone structure, the tamed hair. "Who are _you_?" he asked, still astonished by the physical similarities between Kaito and his apparent doppelgänger.

"Kudou Shinichi," the man answered somewhat testily, pinning the blond with a hard stare. "Division One, Homicide."

The phantom thief withdrew his prize from a pocket and peered through it in the direction of the full moon. He balanced easily on the strut almost a hundred meters overhead while Nakamori and his men desperately tried to figure out how to get up there. With a nearly imperceptible shake of his head, KID sighed and murmured something to himself. "Looks like this one is yours, boys!" he called as he tossed the pendant necklace casually over his shoulder. A small parachute unfolded and lowered the heist target gently to the floor while KID made his escape.

"Think you can release me sometime soon?" Shinichi grumbled snippily, jingling the handcuff chain.

Saguru checked his pockets for the key to his handcuffs, but came up empty. "That bloody son of a…!"

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Author's Note: Ah, the first time Shinichi and Saguru officially meet, and at a KID heist too! At least Kaito had his fun watching Saguru accuse the wrong person and realize it. "London gairi na Tantei-kun" translates to "Detective from London"… I think?—and I took that straight off the _Magic Kaito 1412 Character Song ~Magical Pallet~_ album. I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 29.07.2015


	4. IV: Kuroba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

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TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

IV: Kuroba and Hattori

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Kaito yawned as he shuffled into police headquarters. The cup of coffee in his hand had not yet fully woken him up as he worked his way down the hallway to the elevator lobby.

"That's some serious bedhead you got there, Kudou," came a heavily Kansai-accented voice.

Kaito turned to find none other than Hattori Heiji standing next to him with a smirk on his face. He blinked, forgetting that as Kaito he had not officially met the Osakan. "Ha-Hattori? What are you doing in Tokyo?"

Heiji gave him a very flat look. "Oi oi, Kudou, I've been bumming a room in your house for three days now—did you forget already? Ahou…"

The Division Three officer was rather insulted, but it still took a moment to process Heiji's words. _Wait…_ "Kudou?"

Now Heiji was giving him a really strange stare. "Maybe you need a double shot of espresso instead of just coffee," he muttered.

"But I'm not Kudou…" Kaito sputtered, his brain still struggling to wake up properly.

"Okay this isn't funny anymore, Kudou," Heiji said with a frown.

Kaito shook his head. "I'm serious, Hattori, I'm not Kudou!" He happened to catch a glance at the clock in the hallway. "Shit, I'm going to be late for my meeting!" And so saying, Kaito dashed away, juggling the coffee cup in an effort not to spill the hot liquid inside. Heiji blinked in consternation at Shinichi's rapid exit.

"Hattori?"

The Osakan swiveled to find Shinichi shuffling up the hallway from the building entrance, a different cup of coffee in his hand. One double take later and Heiji was staring down the hall where the man he had originally thought was Shinichi had disappeared down. "Who the _hell_ was that?!"

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Author's Note: Ah, confusion galore, Kaito's modus operandi, even if inadvertent. I'm operating on the assumption that Kaito as KID knew who Heiji was, and therefore was able to place a name to the face, even if he forgot that as Kaito he has never met Heiji. Also, while "ahou" is used in a more joking manner in Osaka, it is a more serious insult in Tokyo, and vice versa for "baka". I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 30.07.2015


	5. V: Kudou and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

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TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

V: Kudou and Kuroba

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 _Way too much coffee!_ Kaito thought as he sprinted for the toilet. Skidding to a stop in front of a urinal, he undid his fly and sighed in relief. He ignored the newcomer who took the urinal next to him, simply because toilet conversations were _always_ awkward.

"HNG!"

Kaito started violently, head snapping to glance at his neighbor. He nearly jumped out of his skin a second time upon finding a near-perfect reflection staring back at him. Panic dictated that he flee, though he dared not leave the minor protection of the urinal stall—at least, not until he had properly buttoned his pants. Screw emptying his bladder, he could hold it long enough to dash to the next floor. Except he could not get himself to stop now that he had started…

"I'm sorry," Shinichi said contritely, "I just wasn't expecting to see my own face outside of a photo or a mirror."

Kaito chuckled weakly. "Same here," he replied. He leaned sideways as Shinichi leaned towards him, intent on studying his face. "Oi oi _oi!_ " he protested when the other man leaned _over_ the urinal stall wall. " _Toilet?!_ "

Shinichi immediately backed up, flushing. "Sorry, but you just look so _similar_ to me it's eerie."

Bladder finally relieved, Kaito cleaned up and zipped his fly. Once he was done buckling his belt he turned, only to find his doppelgänger had essentially cornered him in the urinal stall, a contemplative look on his face. "You're not KID by any chance, are you?" Shinichi asked.

 _Oh my god, Poker Face, Poker Face, Poker Face…!_ Outwardly, Kaito chortled and shook his head. _When had_ he _finished his business?!_ "Sorry to disappoint, but no. Kuroba Kaito, Division Three."

"Oh," Shinichi said with some dissatisfaction as he backed up to allow Kaito to leave, the both of them heading to the sinks to wash their hands. "Kudou Shinichi, Division One, Homicide."

They parted outside the men's room. "Nice meeting you," Shinichi called as he strode towards the stairwell.

Kaito blinked. _Why was Kudou on my floor when Homicide is three floors up…?_

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Author's Note: … I can't believe I just wrote a toilet scene… But talk about a captive audience and Shinichi's runaway curiosity! I'm going to run off to a corner to finish my evil cackling fit now. I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 30.07.2015


	6. VI: Hattori and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

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TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

VI: Hattori and Hakuba

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It was a conference between Divisions One and Two. The subject of the meeting was an ongoing fraud investigation that had resulted in one murder. Saguru, wanting to gain a little more experience in areas besides Kaitou KID, had been invited into the meeting alongside Inspector Nakamori and Assistant Inspector Hasegawa. Inspector Megure was already in the room, along with Assistant Inspector Satou, Sergeant Takagi, Officer Kudou, and…

"Good _Lord_ ," Saguru mumbled to himself as he caught sight of the Osakan.

The Division One officers turned to greet the Division Two members who had just stepped into the room.

"Aw, _hell_ ," grumbled Heiji upon seeing the blond. Shinichi sent his friend a quizzical glance. "The blond ice prick is here."

Saguru bristled, though he inhaled deeply though his nose, held it for exactly three seconds, then exhaled. "Hattori-kun," he greeted diplomatically, "Kudou-kun."

"Hakuba-kun," Shinichi replied.

"What're you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be back in London?" asked Heiji testily.

Saguru settled himself in a seat primly. "I still have a phantom thief to catch," he answered, laying out his papers meticulously.

Heiji rolled his eyes while Shinichi grinned. "You're going to die of old age before you catch KID," the Osakan remarked in a parting shot as he wandered to his own seat.

 _Deep breaths,_ thought Saguru as he ground his teeth.

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Author's Note: Ah, Saguru and Heiji… don't they love each other? Took me a little while to figure out a scenario where they would meet, and considering Heiji's specialty in murders and Saguru's in psychological profiling, why not have him work a fraud case and bring Heiji in? Division Two is actually supposed to work frauds, but Nakamori's sort of overrun it with his desire to catch KID. I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 30.07.2015


	7. VII: Kuroba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

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TMPD Antics

By Taliya

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VII: Kuroba and Kudou

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Kaito was busy cataloguing items in the museum's warehouse with the help of one of the archivists. So far everything had been accounted for, despite the fact that the warehouse entrance had been broken into, and yet showed no signs of forcible entry. He mentally sighed; they had worked through twenty-six aisles of priceless artifacts, and still had another thirty-four to go. Over by the entrance, Shinichi wandered about, eying the taped outlines of the two security guards who had been killed by a bludgeon to the head each.

The archivist had just left for a quick restroom break, leaving Kaito alone in the aisle containing the museum's collection of precious gems and minerals. _Oh, if only it were nighttime with a full moon,_ Kaito mournfully wished. He reached out a hand to inspect a brilliantly red rhodochrosite specimen when he was forcibly yanked backwards with a startled yip.

"Kuroba, I need your help," Shinichi muttered as Kaito was dragged, stumbling and tripping backwards, to the warehouse entrance.

"Uh, sure," Kaito replied, finally catching his feet. "Why?"

The detective led him to the outside of the warehouse. "How would you open that door without leaving a trace of how it's done?" he asked, pointing to the dual electronic and mechanical locking mechanisms.

"What makes you think I would know?" Kaito hazarded with a frown.

Shinichi grinned in a manner reminiscent of Edogawa Conan. "Well you're KID, aren't you?"

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Author's Note: So I think a decent portion of future Kaito and Shinichi interactions will be Shinichi prodding Kaito to admit he is KID. But Shinichi being Shinichi, he won't try to arrest Kaito when he's not in "uniform" since it's not fair play. I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 30.07.2015


	8. VIII: Hattori and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

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TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

VIII: Hattori and Kuroba

* * *

"You're not Kudou, are you?"

Kaito looked up from his report on a break-in and turned to find Heiji staring at him with a slight frown and a raised brow. "Uh, no?" he replied, voice rising in question.

Heiji bent forwards, leaning in until his nose was a centimeter away from Kaito's, who was sitting at his desk in Division Three. "You look so much alike it's not even funny, Kuroba," the Osakan muttered. Kaito twitched under the detective's scrutiny. Heiji straightened, a satisfied grin suddenly on his face. "At least now I can tell you apart."

"Eh?" was Kaito's extremely intelligent, if utterly befuddled reply.

"See, Kudou has slightly different colored eyes, a different bone structure to his face, and his hair grows in a different pattern to yours," Heiji answered.

Kaito could only stare. "Okay…"

"But the most important difference," Heiji claimed with an air of mischievous self-importance, "is that he is most definitely prettier than you."

It took several seconds for Kaito to process that statement, but when he did…

"EH?!" Kaito could only gape inarticulately in horror.

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Author's Note: I get the feeling I'm going to have _tons_ of fun with Heiji and Kaito… jokes and pranks all around, I think, with some obviously exaggerated reactions on Kaito's end. I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 31.07.2015


	9. IX: Kudou and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

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TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XI: Kudou and Hakuba

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"So you actually signed up for Division Two specifically to catch Kaitou KID, huh?" Saguru looked up from the lunch Baaya had packed for him to find Kudou Shinichi—eye color, bone structure, hair were all different—standing beside him, a tray of the day's special in his hands. "Mind if I join you?" The blond indicated that the seat was empty and the brunet sat down with his plate of curry rice.

"Indeed. He is a most challenging adversary," the half-British detective grudgingly admitted, "if not one of the most annoying as well."

Shinichi laughed. "Don't I know it! He's annoyed the piss out of me plenty of times, too."

Saguru perked up. "When have you tangled with KID? I don't remember reading your name in any of the reports…"

"The first time we metaphorically crossed blades was the Ekoda Clock Tower heist. I had no idea it was him beneath the screen," Shinichi explained with a chuckle. "The times after… well, let's just say I was working undercover."

The detective from London raised a skeptical brow. "Was the case that bad?"

Shinichi nodded. "Yeah, but during that time I encountered KID multiple times." Saguru blinked and mildly recoiled at the suddenly furious expression on his fellow detective's face. "That thief _still_ pisses the hell out of me," he stated with a clenched fist and a vein pulsing in his temple, recalling the time he had groped and nearly kissed Ran—who was now his wife—on the Bell Tree First airship nearly a decade ago.

"Right…" Saguru muttered with a sweat drop, "I'm not even going to ask…"

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Author's Note: And ten years later Shinichi's still hedging around the fact that he was Conan, though at least he had the balls to 'fess up to Ran. I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 02.08.2015


	10. X: Hattori and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

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TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

X: Hattori and Kudou

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Both of the detectives' stomachs gurgled appreciatively as the smells from the restaurant's kitchen drifted to their noses.

"So how are you liking the new place?" asked Shinichi as he sat down at the table for lunch.

"Gods, I _hate_ unpacking," moaned Heiji as he sat down opposite his friend in the booth.

Shinichi smiled sympathetically. "That bad, huh?"

Heiji hid himself behind the menu. "All of the boxes arrived from Osaka last night. I practically had nowhere to stretch out to sleep, and I missed breakfast this morning."

"I heard from Satou-san that this place has some of the best ramen close to HQ," Shinichi said. "I hope it's good, because I'm starving. And I apparently have a doppelgänger in the office. Name's Kuroba Kaito. Division Three. It's… uncanny how similar we look," he remarked with a shake of his head.

Heiji grinned, recalling Kaito's reaction to his last comment. "Yeah, I saw him. Found out his name after poking my head in a few different departments."

A scream pierced the air, and the two collectively groaned as one.

"Odds of solving this in under an hour?" Shinichi grumbled as they both abandoned their booth and sprinted towards the gathering crowd out in the street.

" _Better_ be done in under an hour, or that murdering bastard's buying me lunch for the next week!" Heiji snarled as they skidded to a halt beside the body.

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Author's Note: And Shinichi's curse strikes again! I keep thinking that besides kendo and detective work—and perhaps Kazuha—the only other thing Heiji lives for is food, hence his irritation over the timing of the murder. I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 03.08.2015


	11. XI: Kuroba and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XI: Kuroba and Hakuba

* * *

Less than an hour before the start of a Kaitou KID heist found Saguru not where the heist was to be held, but rather on a stakeout outside the front door of the Kuroba home. He had received express permission from Inspector Nakamori to be absent from the heist, claiming he had pressing personal business to take care of that could not be helped. He would have much rather been _inside_ the house had Kaito not refused him at the door.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Hakuba?!" Kaito had snapped through a facemask, for he had been feeling a little ill the past few days. "I'm not KID!" Kaito had then proceeded to slam the door in the half-Brit's face with a grumble.

Saguru had therefore kept the police radio on as he sat in his car, windows down to let in the cool evening breeze as he listened to the usual pre-heist banter between his coworkers and the barked orders from his superior.

Kaito slid a window from the second floor open, leaning out as he yelled, "Go do your job already, you creepy stalker!" before he snapped the window shut once more.

As the time for the heist drew near, Saguru settled in to watch the Kuroba household carefully. There was no way for Kaito to make it to the heist on time if he left now.

A second before the heist time, there was an explosion on the radio, and Saguru snatched it up, listening intently to the coughing of his coworkers, the snarled curses of Nakamori, and the pleased laughter of…

 _"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!"_ The utterly thrilled voice of Kaitou KID came ringing through the radio, and Saguru nearly gave himself whiplash as he spotted Kaito through the downstairs living room window with the television on and watching the heist with avid interest.

 _The bloody hell is going on?!_ Starting the engine, Saguru floored the pedal as he sped off to the heist location in Minato.

Inside the living room, Aoko chuckled as she pulled off the silicone mask molded after Kaito's face and the voice-changing sickness mask, continuing to watch her husband's antics on the television. "You owe me big time, Bakaito," she murmured with a soft grin as Kaitou KID flipped nimbly over her father. "Just please don't give Otou-san a heart attack…"

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Author's Note: Ah, poor, confused Saguru. I think his brain just imploded. Aoko here knows why Kaito is KID and has obviously accepted that he has a mission to fulfill, hence her willingness to help him in a pinch. I think in his next appearance I need to let Saguru one up someone—he's always gotten the short end of the stick so far… but he's just so much fun to mess with! I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 04.08.2015


	12. XII: Hakuba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

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TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XII: Hakuba and Hattori

* * *

Saguru sat in the cafeteria with Shinichi, both avidly discussing their favorite Sherlock Holmes books. Kaito sat off to the side, tuning them out as he ate his ramen.

Heiji stopped for a moment as he stared at the trio at the table, debating whether or not to sit with them. On the one hand, his best friend was there. On the other hand, the ice prick was there. The decision was taken out of his hands when Kaito waved at him and invited him to the sole empty seat at their table.

"Yo," he greeted everyone in general, receiving similar replies from Shinichi and Kaito. Saguru staunchly remained silent. "Well look who's rude, Mr. Stick-Up-His-Ass," Heiji remarked snidely as he set his tray down and sat in his seat.

"You interrupted a discussion on Sherlock Holmes," Saguru said as though it was obvious Heiji was actually the rude one.

"Oi, Kuroba was the one who invited me to join," he snipped back with a flat glare. "And you could have continued with your conversation. I could have cared less."

"Well, I suppose that couldn't be helped," Saguru sighed, "since both of you are so culturally ignorant you aren't even worth talking to."

Heiji, Kaito, and Shinichi stared, and both Kaito and Heiji silently swore vengeance as they sent looks at each other that bloomed into conspiratorial grins. Shinichi dropped his head into a palm with a quiet, low moan.

* * *

Author's Note: Well, I _did_ say Saguru would get the upper hand the next time he showed up, but I'm not sure he meant to get himself into this situation… So… yeah… And it's hard thinking up situations that focus on Saguru and Heiji meeting! I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 07.08.2015


	13. XIII: Kudou and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

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TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XIII: Kudou and Hakuba

* * *

"You _do_ realize they're going to pay you back for that, right?"

Saguru blinked at the voice, finding Shinichi striding alongside him down the hall. "Who is going to pay me back for what?" he asked, honestly confused.

Shinichi snorted. "That remark about being culturally ignorant—Hattori at least, maybe Kuroba too?"

The blond barely resisted the urge to groan at Shinichi's reminder and the subsequent realization. _Kuroba's definitely going to get me back for that, and if Kudou says, so will Hattori._ "Anything I should know about Hattori-kun's revenge habits?" Saguru asked warily.

Shinichi thought for a little, pausing at the junction for the hall that branched to the left. "Hope he doesn't have any embarrassing dirt on you. You can bet he'll use it."

Saguru thought back to the Tantei Koushien, where it was proven that his deduction had been wrong. _He's going to rub it in my face and/or blackmail me, isn't he?_ Another thought struck him, one that sent a spike of ice down his spine as he blanched. _Oh_ gods _… is he going to team up with Kuroba?!_

His thoughts must have shown on his face because Shinichi gave him a worried look. "Hakuba, are you okay? You just went really white."

 _If he's teaming up with Kuroba, I am utterly doomed…_ He closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath, held it, then exhaled slowly, to Shinichi's growing consternation.

"Hakuba?"

Saguru gave his fellow detective a weak grin. "Whatever comes, I'm sure I'll survive." _Hopefully._

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Author's Note: Not exactly the most sporting tag team, but again, I think that any Heiji and Kaito interaction is bound to be amusing as hell. And again, I pity Saguru. Maybe in later chapters I'll thaw him out a little—he's sort of hard to write. I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 09.08.2015


	14. XIV: Kuroba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XIV: Kuroba and Hattori

* * *

"Oi, Kuroba."

Kaito turned, finding Heiji taking swift strides to catch up to him. "What's up?"

Heiji fell into easy step beside his coworker. "I'm thinking a little payback is due."

"Oh?" Kaito turned, fully interested in what his fellow conspirator had in mind. "The target is Hakuba, I take it?"

The Osakan grinned toothily. "Who else?"

"Anything specific in mind?" Kaito asked, mind cycling through various pranks. A glint entered his eye and he glanced sideways at his companion.

"I got some dirt," Heiji murmured, but he frowned. "Not sure that'll embarrass him though." Heiji suddenly yelped at the feeling of being pinched on his backside. He scowled at Kaito, growling with a blush, "Oi Kuroba, the hell?"

"Honey," Kaito purred flirtatiously, waltzing ahead and down the hallway as though he had not just goosed Heiji. That his action had gone unseen was a given—he _was_ Kaitou KID, after all, though there was no proof or Saguru would have had him behind bars _long_ ago—and so all anyone in the hallway saw was a smirking Kaito giving a flustered Heiji over-the-top cow eyes. "That was me getting a little payback of my own, because I am _so_ much prettier than Kudou."

* * *

Author's Note: Honestly, I knew that Kaito would get Heiji back, but I just wasn't sure how. Well, this made a U-turn from Kaito's "let's plan a prank on Saguru," to "I need to back at Heiji for the pretty comment." But Kaito is not one to passively accept getting pranked and we know he already flips girls' skirts, so… yeah… this wasn't too far out of the realms of what he would do. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 14.08.2015


	15. XV: Hattori and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XV: Hattori and Kudou

* * *

"You look like a tanunki," Shinichi stated bluntly one morning as Heiji staggered to his desk and faceplanted as he sat, leaving his friend to wince at the thud of his forehead impacting the desk surface. "You okay?" he asked worriedly.

Heiji moaned. "Kazuha invaded," he mumbled, and his fellow detective snorted.

Shinichi turned the majority of his attention back to the cold case dossier in his hands. "So she finally packed up and left Osaka?" he queried, flipping through the glossy photographs to study one of the marked pieces of evidence.

"She not only barged into my apartment uninvited, but she stole my spare set of keys and kicked me out of my bed last night." The Osakan grumbled something particularly unflattering under his breath. "I ended up sleeping on the couch since she refused to let me sleep _in my own bed_ , the damn woman."

"And the reason why she's here in Tokyo, aside from you?" Shinichi asked, scribbling his observations and conclusions on a notepad, which he would later type up.

"She found a job as a paralegal with Ran-san's help. She's planning on applying to law school too."

Shinichi hummed, his thoughts momentarily diverted by his wife, who was currently applying to law school and following in her mother's footsteps. "Well, pop the question soon so that she doesn't have to incapacitate Mayumi-san or Hiromu-san, amongst others, for carting you off."

Heiji straightened, a flushed circle on his forehead indicating where his cranium and the tabletop had met. Shinichi snickered at the sight. "What do you mean, Mayumi-san and Hiromu-san?" he asked, blinking in tired confusion.

Shinichi closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. "Hattori," he said with overt control of his enunciation, "As one of the few younger bachelors left around here, you cannot _possibly_ be that thick to not realize you have a fan club here."

"Oi, who you calling stupid?!"

* * *

Author's Note: So Kazuha has finally followed Heiji to Tokyo. Maybe not quite so much humor in this one, but it helps to set up another idea I have for further down the road. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 19.08.2015


	16. XVI: Hakuba and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XVI: Hakuba and Kuroba

* * *

"What have you done now?" Saguru asked as Kaito grinned. The pair of them was headed out of the building with the aim of catching the bus that would take them back to Ekoda.

"What makes you think I did anything?" Kaito asked, mock-affronted. "I'm not allowed to smile?"

Saguru slanted him a look. "That particular smile has me itching to cuff you because you look as though you managed to not only steal the gem but hogtie your snipers."

Kaito sighed in exasperation. "I've told you already and I'll tell you again, I'm not KI—ooh, ice cream!"

The British detective watched as his longtime frenemy skipped to the ice cream stand, purchasing himself a cone with two scoops of chocolate fudge ice cream despite the fact that it was fall and rather chilly. Saguru himself was wrapped in a Chesterfield coat, while Kaito had on a short double-breasted pea coat and a flat cap. He wondered how it was possible that someone like Kaito, who masqueraded during some nights as Kaitou KID, could possess such boundless, child-like energy on such little sleep. Inwardly, he smiled in contentment. Ever since he had first met Kaito all those years ago in high school, his life had changed. His life previous to meeting Kaito had not exactly been—boring, per se, but it had certainly livened up considerably with the magician's inclusion. And despite the fact that they were undeclared enemies and rivals, Saguru had come to acknowledge Kaito as a friend as well—

—though all thoughts of friendship vaporized faster than dry ice in a bonfire as Kaito stuffed several ice cubes down the back of his shirt and fled, giggling while still balancing the two scoops of chocolate fudge ice cream in its cone.

" _KUROBA!_ " he bellowed, hopping about as he unbuttoned his coat in order to untuck his shirt, leaning backwards to allow the cubes of ice to fall to the ground, propriety forgotten in his haste to get rid of the sources of discomfort.

Kaito laughed once more, fleeing as Saguru gave chase. "You were _smiling_!" the magician called back while keeping out of grabbing distance from the irate detective. "I had to snap you out of it else the world might end!"

"Why I even bother…" growled Saguru under his breath, though in the quiet recesses of his mind, he laughed with child-like glee as their usual "game" of tag commenced.

* * *

Author's Note: Not as funny as it maybe should, but hey, I did list this fic under the "friendship" category as well. This, of course, has nothing to do with Kaito and Heiji's planned revenge on Saguru; more like Kaito just being… _Kaito_. And I figured out how to thaw out Saguru! … Sort of… I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 21.08.2015


	17. XVII: Kuroba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XVII: Kuroba and Kudou

* * *

Shinichi panted heavily as he pursued the culprit through the dimly lit streets. The man he was chasing had been, unfortunately for him, on his high school cross-country team back in the day. Even thirteen years later, the man was still damn fast. Already he had been tailing the man for a good two kilometers through the streets of Shinagawa, and his legs burned and his lungs ached. Heiji had long since lost them, used to shorter but faster sprints from his own training in kendo. Shinichi, with his love of all things football, had much more endurance.

"Where are you now, Kudou-kun?" Inspector Megure's voice asked over speakerphone, the mobile device clenched in one hand, slick with sweat.

"Just passed—Four Choume—due southwest," he wheezed. He felt the muscles in his legs clench in warning. He had roughly two minutes to catch his man before near-debilitating cramps would set in. "Damn it all!" he swore as he pushed his body forwards. _I just need to catch him!_

A flash of white caught his eye and he blinked as _Kaitou KID_ of all people physically landed in a crouch on top of the man's shoulders, utilizing Newton's Third Law of Motion to bounce nimbly off as the murderer skidded face down onto the pavement. The phantom thief executed a neat midair flip followed by a backhand spring to land in a graceful crouch, attention focused solely on the no-longer fleeing man as his white cape fluttered around him. He stood and approached Shinichi's culprit with an easy gait that spoke of calm self-assurance, clicking his tongue at the man.

"You know, murderer-san," he said conversationally as Shinichi finally caught up to the pair, propping himself on his knees and sucking in great breaths of air as he kept an eye on the two, "It's not nice to kill people." Shinichi could not help but snort at the utter simplicity of the thief's statement, and the noise in particular caught the magician's attention. "Meitantei!" he greeted cheerily. He hopped back suddenly as the man made an effort to sweep the thief's legs out from under him before picking himself up off the ground and running once more. "Rude!" KID snapped, giving chase, "That was mean!"

Shinichi swore as both criminals disappeared down the street, his legs having finally knotted too tightly for him to pursue any longer. When he finally made it home sometime in the early morning, Shinichi blinked upon finding the murderer trussed up in rope with a Kaitou KID caricature note pinned to his chest, drooling against his front door. The detective laughed and shook his head. _Seriously, Kaito?_

* * *

Author's Note: Figured Kaito would, as KID, help out the police every now and then, especially if it looked as though the culprit might get away with it. This doesn't necessarily reinforce in Shinichi's mind that Kaito is KID since KID said or did nothing to implicate Kaito's civilian persona, but it does cement the fact that Shinichi probably won't ever actually turn KID in. Had fun writing this! I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 23.08.2015


	18. XVIII: Hattori and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XVIII: Hattori and Hakuba

* * *

"Why are you here?"

Heiji turned to find Saguru scowling at him. "What, I'm not allowed to be at a KID heist?" Shinichi had already disappeared somewhere within the building.

"You're not part of Division Two," the half-British detective retorted, "and are therefore unauthorized personnel."

The Osakan frowned. "I don't see you snapping at Kudou," was his rejoinder.

Saguru sniffed. "If he were here, I would, but I'd almost wager he's currently being scolded by Nakamori."

"And yet he's always been the closest to catching that thief, you included." Heiji smirked. "Bet that stings."

The half-Briton harrumphed. "I've gotten rather close myself. Plus," he added, "I know who his civilian identity is. I just don't have the proof to arrest him."

Heiji snickered. "And at this rate, you're never going to get your evidence."

"Like you could do any better," Saguru snipped.

"Don't know, haven't actually personally tried," he said, thinking of KID's Fabergé Egg heist. He _had_ been only helping out Kudou at that time, having no personal stake in the whole affair. "But I'm sure that if I tried, I'd get him before you do," he needled.

So engrossed in their argument were the two that they easily succumbed to the invisible sleeping gas that the phantom thief had employed. Even the time-obsessed Saguru had apparently forgotten the time.

Kaitou KID dropped soundlessly from a duct in the ceiling, gas mask in place, and shook his head. "You two _really_ need to get along better if you want to get anything productive accomplished," he murmured with a grin as he began to pick the lock on the display case containing his target.

* * *

Author's Note: So it's still really difficult to create situations in which Saguru and Heiji meet. This one had me stumped for a time. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 31.08.2015


	19. XIX: Kudou and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XIX: Kudou and Hattori

* * *

"I'm so glad today's over," Heiji sighed.

"I know what you mean," Shinichi said as they exited police headquarters. "We've been running around nonstop." He eyed the Osakan curiously. "You've been tense all day, Hattori. What's up?"

Heiji tittered nervously as the pair of them walked down the sidewalk towards Sakuradamon Station. "I've just got a nice dinner planned with Kazuha, that's all," he muttered, glancing away.

Shinichi knew an evasion when he saw one. "Oh, come on now, spill the beans!" He had an idea of what Heiji was planning to do, but wanted confirmation from the man himself.

The Osaka native threw his friend a scowl. "Kudou," he growled, "Are you always this nosy?"

"Can you blame me?" Shinichi tossed back with a smirk. "I _am_ a detective after all."

"Ha ha," Heiji stated blandly.

"So?" Shinichi pressed. They had just stepped foot inside the station entrance to purchase their tickets when there was a scream.

"Ah, _fuck_ ," swore Heiji, spinning on his heel and tearing down the street, Shinichi at his side. "I'm going to be late for dinner, and I was going to propose to Kazuha tonight too."

* * *

Author's Note: Ah, why is it that Heiji's always around when Shinichi's curse strikes? Poor both of them, but also poor-but-soon-to-be-spitting-mad-because-Heiji-is-late Kazuha. I'm so mean to them. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 25.08.2015


	20. XX: Hakuba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XX: Hakuba and Kudou

* * *

"So you think Kuroba is Kaitou KID, huh?"

Saguru looked up from a report regarding a charity organization that was currently undergoing extensive fraud investigations for embezzling the money donated to the charity to find Shinichi standing by his desk, hands in his pockets. "Yes," he answered slowly, wondering what the homicide detective was doing on his floor.

Shinichi grinned. "Let's go grab lunch. I'd like to hear your theories."

The half-Briton blinked before he chuckled and agreed. He stowed his papers neatly on his desk and logged out of his computer. "Where to?" he queried, rising from his chair after detaching his phone from the charging cable.

"I was thinking Luxiere's. They have good sandwiches and pastries," Shinichi said as he fell in step with his fellow Sherlock Holmes fan and they stepped out of police headquarters. They enjoyed lunch, discussing Saguru's theories regarding why Kuroba Kaito was Kaitou KID—Shinichi neither confirmed nor denied any of Saguru's ideas—and in general let his fellow detective rant about the prankster policeman. After Saguru had finished his diatribe, the two went on to discuss the original Sherlock Holmes series along with its various adaptations into movies and television. They even ventured into the realm of published spinoffs, spoofs, and fanfiction.

It was on the way back to police headquarters when a scream split the air. Shinichi groaned as he spun on his heel and ran, Saguru a step behind him. "You know," Saguru panted as he dodged pedestrians behind the homicide detective, "I'd heard—the rumors—about you—being a—Shinigami—but this—is ridiculous."

"Welcome to my life," Shinichi grumbled as he slid to a halt before a cluster of onlookers, pulling out his badge and shouldering through the throng of people.

* * *

Author's Note: Back from a much-needed vacation, and now to get my brain back on track. Saguru's witnessed Shinichi's curse for the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last either. At least they got to finish eating lunch, unlike Heiji. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 09.09.2015


	21. XXI: Kuroba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXI: Kuroba and Kudou

* * *

Kaito powdered the display, dusting for prints. As of late there had been a string of thefts in the Tokyo metroplex, all focused on obtaining the daisho of famous samurai that were housed in historical museums. Kaito had to admit that whoever was pulling off the thefts was _good_ , since he or she had yet to be caught—though maybe not as good as himself, since frankly the unknown sword robber had no section of the police dedicated to catching them, nor did the burglar turn their thefts into flashy, crowd-entertaining shows. Kaito sighed. Whoever this person was, they sorely lacked _showmanship_.

"You look a little bored, Kuroba," commented an amused voice, and the Division Three policeman turned to find Shinichi standing behind him with a lazy grin on his face.

"Kudou," he greeted, standing up and twisting to face him. "What brings you to the Edo-Tokyo Museum?"

The homicide detective shrugged. "I was in the neighborhood and heard about the thefts. Any idea what the next target is?"

Kaito glanced around. While the thief had indeed hit some museums multiple times, he or she would only take one sword set each time. His eyes landed on one particular daishou. "I'd guess that one would be next," he remarked, pointing at the display.

The two detectives approached, Shinichi reading the name of the items. "Hitokiri Battousai no Daishou?"

Kaito nodded. "He might not have been samurai, but he certainly was the most famous assassin of the Bakumatsu."

"So have any steps been taken to prevent it from being stolen?" Shinichi asked.

A mischievous grin stretched across Kaito's lips. "I've already gotten permission from Momose-keibu," he replied.

Shinichi mirrored Kaito's grin and asked, "Could I join in?"

* * *

Author's Note: I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue should Kaito and Shinichi team up, though it would be _nothing_ compared to KID and Shinichi teaming up. Still, the possibilities are practically endless… And if you don't know who Hitokiri Battousai is, I strongly suggest you plant your bum in front of a screen and watch _Rurouni Kenshin_. Right. Now. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 10.09.2015


	22. XXII: Hattori and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXII: Hattori and Hakuba

* * *

"Where's Kudou-kun?" an English-tinted accent demanded.

"Out on a case," Heiji answered, not looking up from the files in his hands.

"Damn," Saguru swore. There was a moment of quiet in which the half-Briton considered his options. Eventually he made a decision and grabbed the Osakan's upper arm, yanking him out of his chair. "Come with me," he ordered brusquely, ignoring Heiji's snarl of protest as the folder and its contents spilled onto the surface of his desk in disarray. His next statement, however, promptly shut down the other detective's objections. "There's been a murder."

Catching his feet under him, Heiji walked beside Saguru, who had let go once the homicide detective had gained his balance. "But you aren't in homicide."

Saguru frowned as he led his coworker towards Division Two's offices to grab his keys. "The fraud case I was working on just sprouted a dead body."

"Where are we going?" Heiji asked once they were headed for the parking garage.

"Chuo. The victim was discovered by a waitress on the way to her shift," Saguru said as he slapped a magnetic red siren on the roof of his car. The pair left, the Division Two officer giving the Division One officer a rundown of the case. They reached the crime site in barely a few minutes, having been able to bypass a lot of the traffic with the siren. "There was a knife protruding from the victim's back at 15:25:05.64 this afternoon when the police discovered the body."

"Anal-retentive of the time much?" Heiji muttered, though loud enough for the other to hear.

"Hattori…" Saguru growled.

"Save it for later, Hakuba," Heiji snapped quietly, a steely glint in his eyes, "I've got a murderer to find."

* * *

Author's Note: So a little more serious, but maybe they unconsciously took Kaito's advice at the last KID heist? At least they're both professional enough to put aside their differences when there's a body. Maybe there's hope for the pair of them after all. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 14.09.2015


	23. XXIII: Kuroba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXIII: Kuroba and Hattori

* * *

 _From: Kuroba Kaito_

 _To: Hattori Heiji_

 _Subject: Prank on Hakuba_

HH-

So I have an idea, and I think you'll really like this because it'll TOTALLY freak him out… (((o(*^▽^*)o)))

Admittedly, I wanted to put "revenge" somewhere in the subject heading but realized I'd probably get flagged by you nut jobs in Homicide. .·´¯`(T▂T)´¯`·.

So "prank" it is!

-KK

* * *

 _From: Hattori Heiji_

 _To: Kuroba Kaito_

 _Subject: RE: Prank on Hakuba_

Oh really? Do tell…

And when have I ever been considered a "nut job", Kuroba?!

HH

* * *

 _From: Kuroba Kaito_

 _To: Hattori Heiji_

 _Subject: RE: Prank on Hakuba_

Don't get your knickers in a twist…

ｍ（＿ ＿；；ｍ

Oh GOD I'm even starting to sound like that twit. I've hung around him for too long. ミ●﹏Oミ

Anyhow, want to meet over lunch today to discuss?

-KK

* * *

 _From: Hattori Heiji_

 _To: Kuroba Kaito_

 _Subject: RE: Prank on Hakuba_

Wouldn't miss it for the world. Ψ(｀▽´)Ψ

HH

* * *

Author's Note: I've finally figured out the prank. I'm excited. Really, though my punctuation would not indicate so. And looking for those emojis was fun. Now I need to figure out how to stick all three of them in one scene together… I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 16.09.2015


	24. XXIV: Hakuba and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXIV: Hakuba and Kuroba

* * *

The combination fraud and theft case meant both Divisions Two and Three had teamed up. The police were up against a small but well-organized group of three men and two women. Their investigation had tailed and corralled them into a metaphorical corner, and now the five criminals were surrounded in a rare single-family suburban home in Haido-chou, holding the stay-at-home mother and her three-year-old son hostage.

"Ideas?" Saguru whispered to Kaito, whom the half-Briton had purposely partnered up with for this case.

"I have one," Kaito replied, walking swiftly towards Inspectors Momose and Nakamori. Saguru followed, not intending to let Kaito out of his sight. After a brief but heated discussion, the two inspectors reluctantly agreed to go through with Kaito's plan, one that had been unwillingly modified with Saguru's input.

So now the two friends from high school sat, unarmed and bound at the wrists and ankles as replacement hostages for the mother and child with several firearms trained at them.

"Now what?" Saguru hissed. He knew Kaito better than anyone—maybe save Aoko—and knew the magician had multiple methods of escaping. In fact, he was banking on that ability now.

"Now," Kaito quietly announced with a soft lilt in his voice, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, and a devilish grin on his lips, "It's _show time!_ "

And maybe not for the first time in his life—not that he would ever admit that, even under pain of torture—Saguru looked forward to seeing what sort of havoc his friend could wreck. He pitied the poor sods—they would not know what hit them.

* * *

Author's Note: Bonding moment! Saguru's got Kaito's back, and Kaito knows it too. Yeah, I do sort of feel sorry for the criminals in this case. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 18.09.2015


	25. XXV: Kudou and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXV: Kudou and Kuroba

* * *

There was a small crowd outside the entrance to headquarters. Kaito and Shinichi, both of whom had decided to visit the same coffee shop for breakfast, approached to see what the fuss was about.

"Kuroba-kun!" one of the officers cried, spotting the Division Three policeman. Kaito was promptly dragged unceremoniously into the midst of the press of bodies while Shinichi was forced to fight his way to the center. Kaito stared at the topic of the hubbub: a trio of men, all unconscious and all hamstringed in sturdy rope with a burlap sack tied securely to the man in the middle. They were all drooling, and the one on the left had a note pinned to his chest that read:

 _Officer Kuroba,_

 _They had just finished robbing a jewelry store  
while I was passing by and I could not resist  
giving our upstanding law enforcers a hand or  
two. Besides, we phantom thieves tend to be  
rather territorial._

 _Sometimes a good Samaritan,_

 _-Kaitou KID_

 _P.S. Not that I'm complaining, but I feel like  
I'm missing a few black and white projectiles  
that need dodging at my shows. All that  
exercise helps keeps me trim, you know…_

"Wah! KID caught jewelry thieves for me!" KID's biggest fan sang giddily after reading the note.

"Has Nakamori-keibu been informed?" someone asked.

"What does he mean, 'black and white projectiles'?" someone else inquired.

Shinichi finally broke through the front line and skimmed the message before he stifled his laugher with a snort. _Barou,_ he thought, watching as Kaito and a few others brought the men inside for questioning. _You caught these men for yourself to allay suspicions about you being KID, didn't you Kuroba? And you even mentioned you knew I was Conan too._ He chuckled as he stepped inside and made his way to his office. _I'll be sure to bring a few soccer balls to your next heist to give you some exercise and all. I wonder how Hakuba's going to react…?_

* * *

Author's Note: I so do love writing scenes with Kaito and Shinichi. And this was written in answer to Shana-Fujioka and Loner Kid's question regarding whether Kaito knew Shinichi was Conan or not. Figured it was a good way to let Shinichi know KID knew without giving away Kaito. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 20.09.2015


	26. XXVI: Hattori and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXVI: Hattori and Kudou

* * *

Heiji grinned as he stood from his desk and stretched. Shinichi, who sat in the desk next to him, glanced up inquiringly at his partner. "Nothing pressing, Kudou," Heiji reassured. "I just need to go speak to Kuroba about something."

"It's not about getting back at Hakuba with Kuroba, is it?" asked Shinichi, now refocused on the case file in his hands.

Heiji chuckled. "Nothing ever gets past you, na Kudou?" he shot over his shoulder as he headed for the central hallway.

"If anything did, I wouldn't be better than you," Shinichi shot back with a smirk, and Heiji froze.

Twisting, the Osakan smirked at his friend. "Is that a challenge?" he asked, and Shinichi's grin widened.

"And if it is?" he queried archly.

"If it is," Hattori said quietly with a thrum of eager confidence coloring his voice, "we'll need another faceoff." Excitement brightened his expression. "Nishi no Meitantei versus Higashi no Meitantei," he announced with obvious relish. "I look forward to kicking your ass, Kudou."

Shinichi scoffed. "You're certainly welcome to try, Hattori."

In the background Satou and Takagi watched the two longtime friends peacocking with fond, if exasperated, gazes. All four officers, however, snapped to attention when Inspector Megure bellowed for them to hop in a car and hightail it to a murder site.

* * *

Author's Note: Showdown! Well, there will be one, but I probably won't write about it simply because that would be much longer than a simple drabble. That and I'm not particularly good at writing out murder scenarios with the solved rationale behind it. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 22.09.2015


	27. XXVII: Kuroba and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXVII: Kuroba and Hakuba

* * *

Saguru had been on his way to lunch when he saw Kaito running on the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street, clearly in pursuit of a man who was weaving and shoving pedestrians out of his way. His friend's partner, a short, stocky man by the name of Ogata Matsuda, had long since fallen behind, it seemed since Saguru saw neither hide nor hair of him. Spinning on the ball of his foot, he sprinted down his side of the street, keeping an eye on the thief Kaito was chasing even as he dodged the lunch crowd.

The man, loaded down with a small backpack, swerved to the right and into a slow but moving lane of traffic. Cars slammed on their brakes and swerved to miss him as he ran, and Kaito nimbly hopped and flipped over the vehicles, eyes glued to his culprit. Saguru grinned as the thief crossed the street, now on his side. Lucky for him the robber had not realized that Saguru had joined the chase else he would have turned the other way. As it was, the thief ran towards him and Saguru snatched an umbrella from a stand just outside one of the many shops that dotted the street. As the thief neared, Saguru utilized the arm strength he needed to play polo and swung the sunshade with more than enough force to trip the man, if not bruise the man's tibias. The flimsy metal shaft of the umbrella snapped under the force of his swing, and he made a mental note to pay the shop for the broken parasol.

The thief went down face-first onto the pavement, and while Saguru held him down Kaito finally caught up and quickly snapped handcuffs around the man's wrists.

"Thanks, Hakuba," Kaito panted. Pulling out his radio, he informed his partner that the culprit had been apprehended, and if he would please send a vehicle to pick them up?

"You're welcome, Kuroba-san," Saguru replied. A thought occurred to him and he laughed.

"What's so funny?" Kaito inquired, having now dragged the handcuffed man to his feet but kept a firm grip on the cuff chain.

"A thief masquerading as a policeman chasing a thief," Saguru explained through chuckles. He was not sure exactly _why_ the idea was so amusing, but…

Kaito grinned sagely. "Ah. Well, I _did_ hear from somewhere that phantom thieves had a tendency to be rather territorial." He punctuated this statement with a wink, and Saguru snorted as Ogata pulled up in a police vehicle. "But that still doesn't mean I'm KID."

* * *

Author's Note: Another nice little bonding scene with Kaito and Saguru. These make me happy when I write them, because one: Saguru is sort of hard to write, two: I'm getting him to thaw out—which is great!, and three: they really do make good friends. I hope you enjoyed this.

* * *

Completed: 23.09.2015


	28. XXVIII: Hakuba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXVIII: Hakuba and Hattori

* * *

"Hakuba?" tentatively asked Kaito's voice. The blond hummed to show that Kaito had his attention, despite the fact that he had not glanced up from the documents in his hands. It _did_ register that the Division Three officer's voice was trembling slightly, to which Saguru frowned slightly. "I kind of need your help…"

"What is it, Kuro…" Saguru's voice trailed off when he looked up and found Heiji standing where he expected Kaito. He swiftly glanced around, thinking that Kaito was somewhere nearby employing KID's infamous ability of ventriloquism. "Why are you here, Hattori-kun?" he asked in a marginally more hostile tone.

"Seriously, it's me, Hakuba," Heiji answered in Kaito's voice. His expression was one of barely contained panic and desperation. "I somehow woke up like this," he whispered quietly.

Saguru studied the apparently not-Osakan for a moment before he snatched his phone off the cradle and dialed Shinichi's extension. When the recipient picked up, he immediately, if rudely, asked, "Kudou-kun, is Kuroba-kun there?"

"Yes, but he's claiming he's Hattori—and he's speaking like him too," answered Shinichi, who sounded exasperated.

"I have Hattori-kun here speaking like Kuroba-kun," Saguru stated, and he heard a thump and a curse from Shinichi.

"Put them both on speaker," Shinichi demanded, and the Division Two officer pressed the speakerphone button.

"Oi Hattori, the hell did you do?!" snapped Kaito, who was apparently standing beside Saguru in Heiji's body.

"What did _I_ do?! You're the crazy KID fan who knows magic! So what the hell did _you_ do?!" Heiji in Kaito's body hissed from the Division One Homicide Unit offices. Saguru froze, for that was assuredly Kaito's voice. Division One was four floors up, which mean there was no way for Kaito to cover for Heiji's voice.

Kaito growled. "I didn't do anything! I might know a bit of magic, but nothing that could produce a result like _this_!" Saguru closed his eyes, listening to both Heiji's and Kaito's voices simultaneously overlap each other even as he wondered how Kaito managed to do that on the fly and from four floors up.

"Let's meet in the cafeteria and figure something out. Sound good?" he said, forcefully inserting himself in the argument Kaito and Heiji were having. There were three voices of irritated agreement before he hung up, rubbing his temples as he counted deep, slow breaths.

* * *

Author's Note: … So I totally confused myself writing this too. Took me a little bit to get the people and the voices straightened out, even though it was only Heiji and Kaito. But it was great fun! Hopefully Saguru doesn't drive himself spare trying to figure out the trick. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 23.09.2015


	29. XXIX: Kudou and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXIX: Kudou and Kuroba

* * *

Heiji in Kaito's body was frog marched into the cafeteria by a curious and confused Shinichi. "So?" the homicide detective verbally prodded.

The Division Three officer glanced at his companion. "So what?" he answered in Heiji's Osakan clip.

"How are you doing it?" Shinichi asked.

Heiji sent Shinichi a long look. "I'm not doing anything, ahou," he said testily.

Shinichi rolled his eyes. "I know you're imitating Hattori, Kuroba. You can drop the act."

The Osakan-yet-not refrained from growling. "Kudou," he snapped, "if I was Kuroba, do you think I'd know about—" He whispered the rest of the sentence in Shinichi's ear, and the Beika native flushed a cherry red as he hastily backpedaled.

"H—how do you know that?!" Shinichi yelped.

Heiji sighed. "Does this prove that I'm not Kuroba now?"

Shinichi nodded emphatically. "But how are you doing this?"

The Osaka native grinned. "I was explicitly told not to divulge the secret behind the trick."

The pair met up with Saguru and Heiji in the cafeteria. Kaito, who was in Heiji's body, glanced at the two of them and asked to the world at large, "Anyone got marshmallows we can blacken on Kudou's face?"

* * *

Author's Note: Back from vacation! In case you haven't figured it out, yes, this is the prank. Honestly, I'm not sure how Kaito's pulling this off myself, but… whatever. I'm sure I'll think of some brilliant method he used to pull it off. As for what was told to Shinichi—I'll leave that to your imagination. Chapter naming conventions for the prank ones are expected to be misleading… that should be somewhat self-explanatory. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 07.10.2015


	30. XXX: Hakuba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXX: Hakuba and Kudou

* * *

The four young detectives gazed at each other. Two were rather puzzled, and the other two grinned at each other.

"Figured it out yet?" asked Heiji in Kaito's body, aiming the question at Saguru.

"He's already pinched my cheek," grumbled Kaito in Heiji's body, shooting his high school friend a scowl as he rubbed his cheek.

Shinichi folded his arms across his chest with an exasperated sigh. "So what's the trick? Really sticky face masks and voice changers?"

Saguru exhaled gustily, though he shot Kaito in Heiji's body a suspicious glare. "If that was the trick, then that wasn't much of a prank, Kuroba."

"Who said anything about masks and voice changers?" asked Kaito's voice—though it was not coming from Kaito in Heiji's body. The two not-switched detectives glanced up to find Kaito and Heiji walking up to them. They turned, staring in confusion at the Kaito and Heiji they had walked into the cafeteria with. Since when were there were _two_ of Kaito and _two_ of Heiji?

"What—" Shinichi started, absolutely speechless.

The newly-arrived Kaito and Heiji pair beamed at their doppelgängers and their two coworkers. "Hi friends!" the second Kaito chirped, apparently himself as Heiji snickered.

Saguru moaned as he covered his eyes with a hand. "What the bloody blazes is going on?!"

* * *

Author's Note: Confused yet? I'm grinning so much right now it's not even funny. I had this little brainwave while driving across Texas around midnight, so it made brilliant sense to my sleep-deprived and otherwise addled mind. Maybe you can parse out what's going on here and figure out Kaito and Heiji's trick? I think I'm having _way_ too much fun with this. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 08.10.2015


	31. XXXI: Kuroba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXXI: Kuroba and Hattori

* * *

Both pairs of Kaito and Heiji thoroughly enjoyed the utterly gobsmacked expressions on Shinichi and Saguru's faces. Both detectives were, by now, equally adept at identifying and deconstructing the various tricks that Kaitou KID utilized, and this was definitely a trick on par with that of the magician thief. But the method of execution, however…

The Kaito in Heiji's body leaned over to the other Kaito, both of them eyeing Saguru. The misplaced Kaito whispered rather loudly, "I think you broke Hakuba." The subject of their single sentence conversation was currently staring at the two pairs of duplicates with unabashed horror. His mouth was slightly open and his jaw worked soundlessly as he tried to rationalize the sight before him. Shinichi was, frankly, little better off than Saguru.

The Heiji who was himself reached out and gently pushed Shinichi's jaw shut with a click. "Don't want flies in there, do you Kudou?" he remarked, and the Kaito who was himself tittered. The misplaced Heiji chuckled at his two dumbfounded officers before he turned to regard his accomplices. "Think the prank's gone far enough?"

The second Heiji snorted. "Kudou, I don't mind letting in on the secret, but Hakuba should deal with it for a bit longer."

The second Kaito frowned at his companion. "Don't be mean, Hattori," he chided. "He already looks enough like an idiot as it is."

The comment seemed to snap Saguru out of his daze and he huffed. "It's bad enough that there's _one_ Kuroba and Hattori already. I _really_ do not need a second one of each."

Kaito in Heiji's body sighed with a grin. "Fine, no need to break both their brains more than they already have today—and it's not even ten yet!" He eyed the small crowd that had gathered to observe, noting how they all stared in complete bafflement. He smirked, eager to see everyone's reactions. "I'm calling the end of the prank. Disguises off."

* * *

Author's Note: So final guesses as to who our dual Kaitos and Heijis are? I'm itching to reveal, and I think you will all be quite surprised. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 08.10.2015


	32. XXXII: Hakuba and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXXII: Hakuba and Kuroba

* * *

The Heiji who was himself simply stood and watched as the other three peeled off their various disguises. "I was me," was his only explanation at the puzzled looks sent his way when he remained stationary.

The Heiji who had accompanied Saguru simply pulled off various bits of prosthetics, revealing a lighter skin tone. A scrubbing with a sheet of makeup remover and a yank of a wig later, Kaito stood before them with a satisfied sparkle in his teal eyes—which were due to the colored contacts he wore.

The Kaito who was himself stood still as another figure approached the group from behind one of the support columns. Shinichi's eyes widened in disbelief as he stuttered, "K-Kaa-san?!"

Kudou Yukiko grinned and flashed a victory sign as she stepped into the circle. "Shin-chan!" she cried as she smothered her son in a hug.

"Ack! Kaa-san!" Shinichi yelped from beneath a face full of curly brown hair.

Yukiko easily removed herself and sashayed to the second Kaito, easily removing the mask and wig with a small flourish. The man beneath the disguise blinked to get his bearings back before he chortled heartily at Saguru's shell-shocked reaction. "O—Otou-san?!" the blond detective spluttered.

The superintendent general guffawed at his son. "Didn't expect me to participate, did you, Saguru?" He turned from his stunned son and grinned at Yukiko. "She was my prosthetics artist and voice actor—couldn't have done it without her help." He then turned to Kaito. "Kuroba-keiji approached me with the idea. I figured I needed to get out of my office a little more." His eyes returned to his son. "Plus, I don't see you all that often, as busy as I am. I needed a little laugh, and I reckoned you did too."

The two pranked detectives finally regarded the Kaito who had been acting as Heiji. "So who are you?" Shinichi asked.

The first Kaito who had accompanied the Modern-Day Holmes grinned at his coconspirators and began peeling off the mask.

* * *

Author's Note: Would you believe me when I say that the people I ended up using were picked in part by your suggestions in the reviews? It had me changing who both Heiji and Kaito pairs were, if only to create an awesome surprise for you all. Initially I hadn't even planned on using _people_ —so you, my darling reviewers, directly impacted the way the prank worked out. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 09.10.2015


	33. XXXIII: Kuroba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXXIII: Kuroba and Kudou

* * *

The Kaito who was acting as Heiji pulled off a full mask and wig, shaking out long, wavy blonde tresses with a mischievous grin. She eyed in particular Shinichi's expression of unabashed shock with smug satisfaction as she greeted him with an unruffled, "Long time no see, Cool Guy."

The addressed detective choked on his own tongue. The former assassin had disappeared after the fall of the Black Organization and Shinichi had never been able to trace her. She had, in the end, provided the then-shrunken teenager the information necessary for the Organization's downfall: the location of their headquarters. "V—Ver—"

Kaito walked up to her and greeted her in a more European style by pressing his cheek to hers and miming a kiss on both sides of her face with a hug, and she reciprocated. "Thanks for doing this, Chris-san," he said, backing up. Yukiko gave the former assassin a warm hug in greeting. "This is Chris Vineyard. She's an actress whose mother knew my dad," Kaito said, introducing her to everyone who did not know her.

In reality Kaito knew full well who Chris, or Vermouth was. But considering that he found out that she had actually tried to save his father from the Organization's rival—the Syndicate in which Snake was a part of—he had been able to overlook the fact that she was an assassin after many years of struggling to come to terms with the fact. It helped that in the few instances Kaitou KID had stumbled upon Organization business she had covered for him, thereby protecting him and allowing Kaito to remain off the Organization's hit list.

"Chris Vineyard?" Saguru stared at the American actress in incredulity while Heiji blinked in confusion over Shinichi's reaction. The Osakan had never encountered the blonde assassin during Shinichi's pursuit of the Black Organization during stint as Conan and therefore had no idea he had been working alongside the retired killer. The half-Brit, on the other hand, had heard of her name in a few movie titles whenever he had returned to his mother's home in England.

"A pleasure to meet you," she murmured to the group, her ice-blue eyes dancing with a mischievous lightness Shinichi had never seen before, and he realized that with no orders from Ano Kata—the Boss was killed in the take down—she was finally a free woman. "I have heard great things about you all from Kaito-kun, and I could not resist participating in this little prank of his." She turned her eyes to Saguru and Shinichi. "I hope you aren't too brain fried."

Saguru smiled faintly. "It was a well-planned prank," the blond admitted, tossing a fond but exasperated glance at his friend, who grinned widely back.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here," Shinichi finally said, having regained control over his mouth.

Chris slanted him a smirk. "Well, when I heard you would be part of the collateral damage, I couldn't refuse Kaito-kun's invitation." She turned to the superintendent general. "A pleasure working with you, Hakuba-keisou," she thanked with a nod.

"The same to you, Vineyard-san," the policeman replied with a grin, unaware that he was conversing with one of the most talented assassins on the planet.

The blonde then turned to her former classmate. "Kudou-san, do you think you have a little bit of time to catch up?"

The former actress giggled. "Of course! And please, it's Yukiko!" she burbled as the pupils of Kuroba Touichi walked away. "Although how should I address you now…?"

Shinichi blinked after the pair of actresses, a befuddled, _What the_ fuck _just happened?_ expression on his face.

* * *

Author's Note: And the prank comes to an end! It's a little longer since I had to include some background information. So did the participants of Kaito and Heiji's prank surprise you? I hope it did. If you were confused, here were the people involved:

Kaito #1 (pretending to be Heiji): Chris/Sharon Vineyard, aka Vermouth  
Heiji #1 (pretending to be Kaito): Kuroba Kaito  
Kaito #2: Hakuba-keisou, voiced by Kudou Yukiko  
Heiji #2: Hattori Heiji

Congrats to Lilith Jae for guessing who the final participant was, if somewhat accidentally. I had a lot of fun with this, but now, back to our regularly programmed… hijinks? I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 11.10.2015


	34. XXXIV: Kudou and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXXIV: Kudou and Hattori

* * *

"I can't believe you…" Shinichi grumbled after Heiji and Kaito had had their laughs and the Hakubas and Kaito had gone their separate ways.

"I should have recorded the look on your face when I walked out with Hakuba-keisou! Priceless!" chortled Heiji.

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up," the other homicide detective grunted sourly. "I still can't believe he invited her to help out…"

Heiji blinked. "Who, your mother?"

Shinichi shook his head. "No, I meant Vermouth."

The Osakan reared back in surprise and shock as he swiftly connected the dots. "Wait a minute! You mean that foreign actress woman—Chris—she's Vermouth?!" he yelped. Other officers in the hallway stared at the pair, but as the assassin's name had never been openly spoken about by Shinichi or Heiji in the years after the Organization's downfall, none of the policemen recognized the alias.

"Probably the most deadly woman you'll ever meet," Shinichi reaffirmed, his brain struggling to find some sort of relationship between the two. The only feasible relationship—if it could be termed as such—linked them through their shared ability to disguise so completely—a trait Vermouth also shared with his mother. Who had learned the skill from Kuroba Touichi. Who had been Kaito's father.

Shinichi was an idiot.

"How does Kuroba know her then?" Heiji hissed.

"Through his father," Shinichi replied distantly, mentally banging his head on a wall as he grinned self-deprecatingly, as though aware of some inside joke. "Kuroba Touichi taught Kaa-san how to disguise, after all."

* * *

Author's Note: Prank aftermath! I really don't have much else to say besides I feel sorry for Shinichi… I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 14.10.2015


	35. XXXV: Hattori and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXXV: Hattori and Hakuba

* * *

"So was it your idea?" Saguru asked grumpily the day after the prank. He had a hand spread across his face, his thumb and middle finger massaging his temples as he leaned on the wall behind Heiji's desk.

"My idea to what?" Heiji yawned as he flopped into his chair, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "And why the hell are you here?"

The half-Briton scowled. "I wanted to ask you if bringing my father into the prank was your idea."

The Osakan shrugged "Don't remember," he remarked offhandedly as he shook himself to wake up a little more. "Kuroba did most of the work. I just threw out names every now and then." He yawned again and blinked a few times, finally getting his bearings. Last night had been rough; there had been a suicide-murder that had left both himself and Shinichi scratching their heads at the motive, aside from listing the murderer as insane. Shinichi was taking today off as neither had been able to talk the perpetrator out of slitting his own neck, and the other homicide detective had taken it very badly. He had called Ran on the way back to his apartment despite the hour of two in the morning to give the lawyer a heads up. Hopefully Shinichi would feel better after a night's rest, though Heiji doubted it.

Saguru sighed. "Thanks to you two nitwits, Otou-san decided we needed a little 'bonding time'."

Apparently his father's idea of "bonding" included a marathon of watching historical samurai action films like Zatouichi, Seven Samurai, The 47 Ronin, and 13 Assassins while drinking copious quantities of beer—which then led to bawdy pub songs he had learned while he had studied overseas in London. It was how Hakuba Shigeru had met Adrienne Hightower, his mother. Saguru had managed to keep his drinking to a minimum, though he still had a rather insistent headache since he rarely, if ever, drank. But he was positive his father was nursing a terrible hangover at the moment. He had a sneaking suspicion the superintendent general would be calling in sick today.

Serves him right, Saguru groused. I could have used last night to work on the KID heist notice that came out yesterday afternoon. Speaking of which… "Also Hattori-kun, if you happen to see Kuroba-kun, please inform him to stay far, far away from me today."

* * *

Author's Note: So no fireworks between these two this time because they are both simply too tired. I have not seen any of the movies listed, but their ratings and reviews look promising. And do I spy a KID heist on the horizon…? Hopefully this makes your week go faster, EclipseKuran. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 20.10.2015


	36. XXXVI: Hakuba and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXXVI: Hakuba and Kuroba

* * *

 _Kuroba apparently has no sense of self-preservation,_ Saguru thought moodily as the aforementioned person looped an arm around his neck, crowing his good morning greetings. It was still too early in the day for Heiji to have possibly bumped into the Kaito to deliver Saguru's warning, so the half-Briton endeavored to inform the Division Three officer himself.

"Kuroba-kun. Get. Off. Me."

"Someone woke up tetchy this morning," Kaito remarked as he released the Division Two officer.

Saguru scowled. "No thanks to you," the blond grumbled under his breath, trying to staunchly ignore the pounding in his head.

Kaito's eyebrow cranked up his forehead. "Hey, you okay? Really okay?" There was concern in his voice, and his expression of mischief had slid clean off his face.

"Otou-san decided that we needed a 'bonding moment' last night," Saguru answered.

Kaito grimaced, understanding all too well what "bonding moments" usually entailed—particularly if his mother was the one to dream them up. Kuroba Chikage's version of bonding time with her son usually involved her imprisoning him by going out to a salon to get pedicures and manicures while she prodded him about every—and she really meant every—aspect of his life. Privacy meant nothing to that shameless woman, and Kaito was usually the one considered brazen.

"Man, sorry, Hakuba," Kaito apologized. "I didn't think getting your dad involved in the prank would lead him to do that to you."

Saguru chuckled sardonically. "Me neither, Kuroba-kun," he said with feeling, "Me neither."

"Was it as bad as I think it was?" the brunet questioned, thinking of his own experiences with his mother.

"Would you consider getting sloshed while watching a marathon of historical samurai action flicks bad? Particularly when he decides singing lewd pub songs in English is an excellent idea at two in the morning when he can no longer see straight?"

Kaito could only wince in reply.

* * *

Author's Note: Ah, poor Saguru—subjected to his father's drunken… whatevers? I'm always amazed how Kaito can turn situations in his favor, almost regardless of the circumstances, i.e. not getting maimed by a hungover Division Two officer. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 23.10.2015


	37. XXXVII: Kuroba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXXVII: Kuroba and Hattori

* * *

"Tantei-han! So glad you could join us!" Kaitou KID chirped from his perch on the second story balustrade in the north wing foyer of a private mansion. The night's target had been a large rutilated quartz cabochon by the name of Light in the Darkness. KID had managed to easily swipe the stone despite the Task Force's best efforts, along with help from Heiji, Shinichi, and Saguru. A small bit of sleight of hand, and the Light in the Darkness disappeared from his gloved fingers.

Heiji sprinted up the stairs with Saguru and Shinichi hot on his heels. The rest of the Task Force had been put out of commission with a timely flood of sleeping gas. The three detectives had managed to evade being knocked out by holding their breaths and escaping from the room the moment they heard the telltale hiss of the fumes. The thief hopped nimbly onto the carpeted floor and the detectives gave chase, tailing the magician through the twisting hallways of the manor.

KID lost them the moment he squirreled himself in one of the air conditioning vents, eventually emerging on the roof of the eastern wing. Lifting his face to the night sky, the breeze felt wonderful on his heated skin—the currents would be strong enough to send him into the skies. A shout startled him from his momentary reverie, and he spun to find Heiji panting as he hauled himself over the lip of the roof, having gain access by climbing out of one of the exterior third-floor windows.

"Tantei-han," he remarked with good cheer. "A lovely night, don't you think?"

Heiji smirked. "I'll consider it a great night if I make it through without ending up in the emergency room," he replied, thinking of KID's heist in Osaka targeting the Memories Egg, where he had gotten into a severe accident on his motorcycle. The other times he had been involved in a KID heist he had been unharmed, but really, any case that ended up with him not in the emergency room was a good case.

The thief sighed in exasperation. "Tantei-han," he chided, "I hadn't realized you could be any worse than Meitantei." When Heiji stared at him quizzically, he elaborated, "He is a corpse magnet, according to his friends, so he cannot quite help himself. You, on the other hand, are just plain reckless."

Heiji reddened in indignation. "Say that again," he growled, scowling at the white-clad thief.

Kaitou KID never replied, for he had to duck a black and white projectile aimed at him from the roof of the south wing.

* * *

Author's Note: And we get KID exercising, courtesy of Shinichi. Though I'm sure KID's going to regret asking since this is Shinichi we are talking about, but well… he did ask. I can only snicker. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 23.10.2015


	38. XXXVIII: Kudou and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXXVIII: Kudou and Kuroba

* * *

Heiji flattened himself against the roof as he watched the thief dodge a barrage of soccer balls, courtesy of one Kudou Shinichi, and the Osakan was impressed by both Shinichi's aim and Kaitou KID's agility. The magician twisted and flipped in ways that just watching made his back and limbs ache, his movements serpentine in its smoothness.

"Damn it, Meitantei," KID cursed, snapping loud enough for his voice to project to the next rooftop, "I _know_ I said I wanted some exercise, but isn't this a little overkill?!" Already he had evaded a total of ten balls, all of which had gone sailing off into the dark recesses of the manor property.

Shinichi laughed, his cheerfulness echoing across the empty space. "How could I have refused a request such as yours?" he countered with an overly saccharine coo, "Especially when you asked so nicely too!"

With a small growl KID took several running steps and leapt off the roof in Shinichi's direction, shooting the hook of his grappling gun to catch the roof edge before reeling himself up. He landed in a flutter of white silk, eyes focused on the smirking homicide detective before him. Shinichi bounced yet another soccer ball on his knees, and it was then that the thief noticed a large net bag full of soccer balls, nestled in a corner.

"… _Seriously_ , Meitantei?" he asked after several moments' worth of staring at the detective's supply cache with a hint of trepidation in his tone.

Shinichi chortled with an impish twinkle in his eyes. "Be careful what you wish for, KID," he warned. He eyed the magician slyly. "Why are _you_ so worried? Been eating one too many slices of Kasutera as of late?"

The thief's jaw dropped in shock and dismay as he sputtered incoherently before he valiantly rallied his momentarily fumbled Poker Face and retorted indignantly, "I am _not_ fat!"

* * *

Author's Note: I'm giggling. Seriously. Kaito asked, and Shinichi delivered—although Shinichi definitely got the last laugh this time. Kasutera is a popular Japanese sponge cake made of sugar, flour, eggs, and starch syrup, which originated in Castilla (central region of modern-day Spain). I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 23.10.2015


	39. XXXIX: Hattori and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XXXIX: Hattori and Kudou

* * *

"Fuck, Kudou…" Hattori swore, scowling darkly at his friend.

"I said I was sorry seventeen times already, Hattori," Shinichi groaned in apologetic exasperation.

"Well, sorry means shit when my head is aching thanks to you!" the Osakan growled. The pair was headed back to Beika to retire at Shinichi's home to crash for the night, as Heiji had no desire to wake Kazuha at four in the morning with his entrance into their shared apartment. Kaitou KID had managed to escape yet again after somehow surviving the barrage of soccer balls kicked his way by an utterly gleeful Modern-Day Holmes. Unfortunately for Heiji, KID had managed to duck one ball in particular that had continued its unimpeded path directly at him. Needless to say, Heiji's previously positive opinion had instantly flipped and he was thoroughly less than impressed with both his fellow homicide detective and the notorious phantom thief. Saguru had stayed out of the line of fire by maintaining his position on the roof of the north wing of the manor.

Shinichi pulled his car into the Kudou manor's drive, shutting the engine off with a tired sigh. "I'm not sure I'll go in tomorrow," he yawned as they stumbled to the front door. They stepped into the genkan, Shinichi turning the foyer light on. The detectives froze upon seeing a white note folded once so that it stood like a miniature tent on the wood slat flooring. Shinichi picked the note up and read the contents aloud.

 _My darling detectives,_

 _My sincerest gratitude for providing me with  
a particularly eventful evening! I hope to  
see more of you both at my shows, and I  
assuredly obtained a nice little work out  
this time around, Meitantei. If I were you,  
I would get that head check out just in  
case, Tantei-han. That one sounded like it  
hurt!_

 _With good cheer,_

 _-Kaitou KID_

"No shit, Sherlock," Heiji grumbled under his breath, and Shinichi glared at his friend for profaning his idol so casually. The Osakan ignored his friend with practiced ease as he stumbled towards the guest room he had long ago claimed as his. Heiji, who, like his fellow detectives had long suspected that Kuroba Kaito was Kaitou KID, dragged a hand down his face and sighed as he climbed the staircase, "You're crazy, Kuroba…"

* * *

Author's Note: Hm, heist aftermath. And poor Heiji just happened to be in the way. Must really, really suck to be the unintentional recipient of one of Shinichi's super-powered soccer balls. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 28.10.2015


	40. XL: Kudou and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XL: Kudou and Hakuba

* * *

"Have you seen Kuroba today?" Saguru asked, catching Shinichi in the hallway midway through the morning.

"No, I haven't," the homicide detective replied. "Why?"

The blond shrugged. "Just wondering if he's feeling all right. KID seemed rather worn out by the end of last night's chase."

Shinichi smirked. "Well to be fair, my legs are rather sore today from kicking so many balls."

The Division Two officer chuckled, both at the humor of the situation Kaito had constructed for himself as well as the potential for that particular statement to be misconstrued. "Well, he asked for it, didn't he? I'm just glad I was not in the line of fire."

The comment elicited a wince from the Division One officer. "Yeah, well, Hattori still isn't terribly happy with me. He's requested today off."

"I'm not surprised," Saguru agreed, recalling how Heiji had taken a ball to the forehead because he failed to duck in time. "Has he gone to the hospital to get his head checked out for a probable concussion?"

"He went this morning after getting two hours of sleep before I woke him for the day since he crashed at my place," Shinichi murmured.

"Gossiping without me?" The two detectives spun to find Kaito watching them with a grin. "So what did I miss?"

Shinichi glanced at Kaito with a calm but shrewd expression as he deadpanned, "I played with a lot of balls last night and made KID dance." He suddenly grinned wickedly and added, "And because of that, I'm sure he's hurting thanks to me."

Saguru could not help himself. He laughed uproariously at Shinichi's blatant innuendo while Kaito gaped, eyes slowly widening in horror. "Oh my god," the half-Briton choked out between guffaws, "Kudou-kun, I cannot believe you just…!" His speech once again dissolved into hysterical giggles, and it appeared he was having trouble staying upright. Neither of the other officers had ever seen Saguru so emotionally unfettered, and it stunned the two before they managed to pull themselves together to continue their charade.

The homicide detective then pretended to preen, buffing his nails on his shirt and inspecting them before Kaito snapped out of his shock and grabbed the lapels of Shinichi's jacket. "You managed to get close enough to KID to do that?" he hissed. "Why didn't you call me?!"

* * *

Author's Note: Yeah, Shinichi's in a good mood, particularly after being able to blow off a lot of steam kicking those soccer balls at KID. And Saguru openly cuts himself some slack, if unintentionally. But alas, Kaito comes in and sort of steals the show with Shinichi's help… So I'm starting to wonder how long I should make this, considering I could, if I really wanted to, continue this to perpetuity (there's no real plot, remember?). Therefore, I think I'm going to bring this series to a close when I hit chapter 50. Just a heads up. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 29.10.2015


	41. XLI: Hakuba and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XLI: Hakuba and Kuroba

* * *

The items in question were a diamond necklace, earrings, rings, bracelet, and brooch set collectively—and rather un-inventively—dubbed The Countess' Diamond Collection. The theft had occurred the previous night, and the thief in question had left a note behind with Kaitou KID's signature doodle. Kaito, as a member of Division Three, was at the museum to find any evidence of the perpetrator. He had dusted the display case but found no fingerprints, and was now trying to figure out how the thief had unlocked the case without ever having touched it. He personally suspected an inside man—someone with access to the museum at night, allowing them time to study the locking mechanisms used for the display, as it was not a simple lock and key. One of the security staff, most likely.

The guards on duty that night had been dosed with a gas sedative. Video footage revealed the thief had been clothed from head to toe in black. A check around the security office revealed small canisters of the knock out gas equipped with timed detonation devices squirreled away in the vents of the air conditioning. It was a good setup, something that he himself would have used. Forensics had confirmed that it was not the same chemical mix of compounds used by Kaitou KID, and that this particular combination could be bought on the black market. But even though the phantom thief was now out of the running as a potential culprit…

Mentally, Kaito was grumbling darkly about how he would pay back the imposter tenfold. Some of his more inventive ideas thus far included duct-taping the moron upside-down to the front doors of the TMPD headquarters in nothing but his underwear (or something slightly more modest if the thief happened to be female), disguising the dingbat up in full-blown western-style female royalty regalia and gluing them into a charge-free public kissing booth, and dousing the numbnut in canine sex pheromones and letting them loose in the city. Nothing that would kill the poor sod, but definitely humiliating enough to remind them to never invoke Kaitou KID's name without explicit permission.

As KID's signature had been found at the site, Saguru and his coworkers had also been called in to verify that the theft had been committed by an imposter. The blond had been thoroughly unimpressed. Inspector Nakamori's comments regarding the fake KID note had been unprintable unless the newspapers were willing to make use of long strings of symbols in place of the words he had used.

"Of course it's an imposter," Saguru snorted as he spoke into the microphones aimed at his face, "Kaitou KID would not leave a notice after the fact. He's too arrogant to be as sneaky as a common thief. It's not his modus operandi. And…" Here he smirked into the media cameras, "I'm sure KID will get them back, if not at least by threefold."

Kaito's eyes glimmered with puckish delight as he caught Saguru's eye, and the Division Two officer rolled his eyes before he spun and stomped away from the crowd of reporters shouting for Saguru to answer a few more questions.

* * *

Author's Note: Note to self: never get on KID's bad side. He can be downright vindictive, even with his nonviolence policy. Sorry for the slow update, I've had a very trying week thus far. My best friend miscarried her twins, and my other friend's apartment flooded thanks to the puppy upstairs chewing through their owner's toilet water line. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 29.10.2015


	42. XLII: Hattori and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XLII: Hattori and Hakuba

* * *

His phone rang, and he picked it up with a curt, "Hakuba," as he trudged through the streets in the pre-dawn gloom. He had meant to get in early to finish a bit of paperwork.

"Oi," greeted the voice on the other end, and Saguru recognized it as Heiji's. "You better get to HQ quickly. KID's left a present for us," the homicide detective said before hanging up. Saguru, despite being almost to the station, broke out into a run after tucking the device into his pocket. He reached the station slightly out of breath, immediately spotting what had grabbed Heiji's attention.

A woman in full Rococo-era attire of corseted evening dress with a low, off-the-shoulder décolleté and hoop-structured skirt—wig, pantalettes, and petticoats included—hung suspended before the front doors of the station with strings attached to her wrists and elbows, though she was out of reach of the small gathering of policemen watching from below. A light shone down on her, illuminating her form like a puppet on a stage with the police building as her backdrop, and high above her the strings suspending her converged in a long, upended "V". At the crest of the triangle, drifting midair stood none other than a grinning Kaitou KID.

The thief's hands were held out before him, and it became readily apparent that the strings attached to her were wrapped around his fingers, and with a small flick of one bonded digit, her corresponding joint would move. The woman was unconscious, if the lolling of her exorbitantly coifed head was any indication to go by, and it was only then that Saguru realized that she was draped in the stolen finery from several days ago—the pilfered Countess' Diamond Collection. The phantom thief wiggled his fingers as he seemed to walk along an invisible platform of sorts, causing her to waltz gracefully midair to an inaudible tune. The woman soon came to groggily, though she quickly realized she was suspended aerially and panicked after taking in her attire. She shrieked in embarrassment as she tried to hide her legs from the policemen's eyes below, but the hooping rendered her efforts inadequate.

After a half minute of making her dance, KID slid the strings from his gloved fingers, and she was gently lowered to the ground, where she was swarmed by the cops and taken inside the building. Heiji snorted. "KID possessive much?" he asked as he and Saguru watched the thief as he bowed and vanished in an explosion of smoke.

"Always," Saguru murmured. "Never liked someone using his name to frame him."

Not two minutes later Kaito stumbled into the building, looking distinctly rumpled and with bruises under his eyes.

Heiji eyed his coworker. "How late did you stay up last night to find her?"

Kaito blinked blearily. "Huh?"

* * *

Author's Note: Mm, perhaps not my most inspired piece, but I'm satisfied with how it turned out. It was surprisingly difficult to get this little piece out. I must be losing my touch. I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 09.11.2015


	43. XLIII: Kuroba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XLIII: Kuroba and Hattori

* * *

Kaito yawned, wiping a stray tear from his eye. The lady thief had been rather easy to track, since she had been part of the museum security staff, and last night she had been out dancing in one of Shibuya's nightclubs. He had found the stolen diamonds readily enough, since she had been careless to leave the rucksack stowed behind her bedroom door. The difficult part of last night had not been nabbing her—rather, the difficult part had been to dress her in all the appropriate clothing without peeking, because KID was _always_ a gentleman, no matter who said otherwise. It had taken a decent amount of creativity to both ensure he did not see anything while also ensuring that he touched _nothing_ he did not mean to.

He shuffled into the break room, intent on obtaining a cup of the terrible drip coffee to wake himself up. Once caffeine was obtained and he had added his usual two creamers and two packets of sugar, he took a slow, cautious sip and barely restrained himself from making a face at the taste. Bad coffee was still bad coffee.

"You still don't look so hot," remarked a voice with a heavy Kansai accent, and Kaito turned to find Heiji regarding him with a raised brow as he leaned against the counter.

"So?" he answered, clutching the cup, "I didn't sleep well last night." _Understatement of the century. I nearly had fits trying to dress her in that gown._

The Osakan watched him for a moment longer before dropping the subject. "So I've a kendo tournament this weekend. You interested in going?"

Kaito shrugged. "Maybe. I'll have to see what Aoko's schedule is like. Why do you ask?"

"Well, Kudou's coming with Nee-chan, and I figured I might as well invite you too," answered Heiji. "And while you're there, try not to drive Kudou so nuts he disrupts the tournament. We'll be going out to dinner afterwards, and once there, you've free reign to wind him up as much as you like. He suddenly grinned. "And I'll even help."

Kaito smirked. "I'll be there."

* * *

Author's Note: Ah, Kaito and Heiji make such a great team when it comes to winding people up. I do love writing these two together. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 11.11.2015


	44. XLIV: Hakuba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XLIV: Hakuba and Kudou

* * *

"Kudou-kun, a word please."

Shinichi glanced over his shoulder to find Saguru standing several paces back. The two detectives were working on yet another fraud case that had turned up a body. Shinichi had been looking over the crime scene with diligent eyes, while Saguru had been rifling through the victim's expense reports.

The blond held up several of the printed reports. "Based on what I have read through so far, our victim was assuredly money laundering. However, I'm not sure the amounts were enough to produce such a consequence," he explained, nodding his head in the direction of the corpse regarding the latter statement.

The homicide detective peered at the columns and rows of numbers and names, eyes searching for some pattern. "Hakuba," he murmured. "Why does his guy's name keep showing up?"

"Loan shark," the fraud detective replied. "That's what a quick search on the name returned, at least. Why?"

"That guy is actually on the wanted list. He picks out his victims by their financials," Shinichi muttered, eyes distant as his mind churned. "He's always on the run, and therefore has been able to evade arrest."

"Is he your man then?" queried the half-Briton.

Shinichi nodded. "Likely. I'll have to run a search to see where he likes to hunker down—see if I can determine a pattern in order to guess where he'll hide next. Thanks."

Saguru shuffled the papers into a neat stack. "No problem. And just a heads up, Kudou-kun, I saw Hattori-kun and Kuroba-kun scheming in the hallway."

"Duly noted," Shinichi answered, mentally shuddering at the idea of what sort of havoc those two would generate.

* * *

Author's Note: So… Eh. Sorry if this wasn't all that great. Honestly, I'm a little out of ideas for this particular pairing, but… I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 15.11.2015


	45. XLV: Kudou and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XLV: Kudou and Kuroba

* * *

The sharp yells of the tournament participants were faintly heard over the roar of the crowd. Shinichi sat with Ran, Kaito, Aoko, and Kazuha in the stands, watching as Heiji scored his last hit against Okita Daisuke in the finals to cement his position as the reigning national champion. The homicide detective was fairly twitching in his seat, as Kaito and Ran had decided to team up and harass him with whatever small but annoying pranks the theft detective dreamed up. Aoko had long since given up trying to stop them, and Kazuha was too interested in the goings on of the tournament to aid him in his plight.

It was with no small amount of relief that they left the stands to meet up with Heiji outside the locker rooms. Kazuha had immediately hugged him with a smile on her lips, and the two couples had congratulated him heartily.

"So, dinner?" Heiji asked. It was now nearing six, and they had previously decided to find a restaurant somewhere in Beika. Shinichi and Ran lived in the Kudou Manor, and so had plenty of rooms to spare for both the Hattoris or Kurobas to spend the night rather than travel back to their homes when the hour became too late. It was the reason both couples had packed overnight bags. They jumped on the rail at Shiodome Station, making their way to Beika. They settled on Poirot Café, a small eatery that brought back many memories for Shinichi.

Once they had been seated, their drinks—non alcoholic, as none of them had any desire to return to work the following day hung over—arrived and they all toasted Heiji for his win. Kaito popping noisemakers filled with confetti made the event more boisterous. Shinichi would not have minded so much had Kaito not gone and stuffed a handful of the confetti down the back of his shirt. Ran, his disloyal wife, only observed his flailing with giggles as she propped herself up by hanging off of a grinning Kaito. Even Aoko and Kazuha were chuckling, and Heiji—the traitor—merely crossed his arms over his chest and smirked.

"Oi, Kudou," he remarked as Shinichi gingerly unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned—but not unzipped—his trousers, pulled out his shirt, and shook out the rather itchy confetti from his back. "Should I write you up with a warning for public indecency?" he asked as Kaito gave out a loud whistle. Ran all but collapsed in laughter against the Division Three officer.

Shinichi sent Heiji a dirty scowl as he flushed a bright red. "You're not helping, Hattori," he growled, reluctantly tucking his shirt back into his pants before buttoning his pants and buckling his belt.

Heiji shrugged. "I won, we're celebrating, and if I decide that you're going to be tonight's entertainment, who's going to stop me?" A shared conspiratorial glance and grin with both Kaito and Ran had Shinichi sorely resisting the urge to bang his head on the table. It was going to be a long, _long_ night.

* * *

Author's Note: Shinichi embarrassment all around. And I'm so, _so_ pleased that Ran was relaxed enough about the situation to join in on the fun! I feel for Shinichi—between those three, he's going to be wishing he _had_ ordered something alcoholic before the night is over. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 18.11.2015


	46. XLVI: Hattori and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XLVI: Hattori and Hakuba

* * *

"Yo!"

Saguru turned to find Heiji greeting him cheerfully with a hand raised up in salutation. His brows furrowed as he twisted to see if there were someone behind him the Osakan had directed his acknowledgment to. No such luck. The hallway behind him was empty. He returned his wary gaze to Heiji. "Were you… addressing me?" he asked with clear skepticism in his voice.

Heiji scowled. "Who else would I be talking to? Myself?" he snipped before grumbling under his breath, "So freaking _rude_ …"

"Excuse me?" Saguru snorted with absolute disbelief, "You're calling _me_ rude?"

Heiji eyed his fellow detective with skepticism before he shook his head, crossed over to his side, and hooked an arm around the blond's shoulder. "Whatever, Hakuba. Come on." A grin lit the homicide detective's face as he steered the resisting half-Briton towards the front doors of the police headquarters. "Can't be late for our date, can we?" he asked, pulling the stunned Saguru in for a quick peck on the cheek. "I got us three-day passes to that Holmes convention in the Tokyo Dome. Though I don't know why you like that fake detective so much." The latter half was spoken with a grumble under Heiji's breath.

Saguru's mind had completely stalled at the word "date", though the kiss on the cheek was a close tie for that action as well. " _Date?_ " Saguru squeaked, flushing a bright red as he stumbled out of the Osakan's grasp. "Since _when_ have we _dated_?!"

Heiji stopped and dropped his arm from where it had been around Saguru, gaze askance. "Hakuba," he said slowly, enunciating his name carefully, "We've _been_ dating for two _years_ …"

Saguru woke up with an audible gasp, his pajamas sticking uncomfortably to his skin. "It was a dream," he murmured to himself after taking several steadying, deep breaths and feeling his racing heartbeat start to calm. "Just a really, _really_ terrible dream." He rubbed his eyes before tousling his damp hair with his fingers, palm still on his sweaty forehead as he chuckled gratefully. "Thank _God_ ," he declared fervently as he flopped back down onto his pillows.

* * *

Author's Note: Had this little brainwave a while back, but didn't know where to put it. It makes me wonder what exactly Saguru would do if he encountered this situation in his waking life. I think he just might _flip_ _shit_ , don't you agree? And if Heiji could get over his massive dislike for being anywhere in Saguru's vicinity, it would be the absolute _perfect_ prank! I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 19.11.2015


	47. XLVII: Kuroba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XLVII: Kuroba and Hattori

* * *

Heiji noticed that morning that Saguru had very swiftly made tracks away from him, and that there had been a mix of a blush on his cheeks and a greenness to his complexion. It was an odd combination, to say the least. "Oi, Kuroba," Heiji called out to Kaito, who was a few paces ahead and had also seen his old classmate jet. "What's up with Hakuba?"

Kaito stared in the direction Saguru had fled. "No idea," he said with honest confusion in his eyes. That bafflement quickly turned into mischievous inquisitiveness. "Though I wouldn't say no to finding out what caused that expression."

Heiji snickered. Kuroba's constant antagonism of Saguru was one of the reasons he got along spectacularly with the Division Three officer. It helped that Shinichi more than tolerated the two of them, so the trio could hang out with a decent amount of frequency outside of the office. "I wouldn't either," he agreed, though had he known exactly what the source of Saguru's distress was, he was more than likely to have run off screaming in horror. But as ignorance was bliss, Heiji and Kaito began to throw increasingly preposterous ideas regarding Saguru's discomposure, whether or not they actually had anything to do with his seeing Heiji and turning tail.

"He misplaced his polka-dotted wear-every-Thursday underwear," Kaito tossed out.

"He figured out his watch was off by more than three-thousandths of a second," Heiji snickered.

"He got his ass grabbed by a random guy on the street."

"He found out that Kaitou KID was secretly courting him." Kaito inwardly shivered and gagged at _that_ suggestion.

"He discovered an official secret ending in which Sherlock Holmes was thoroughly trounced by Arsène Lupin."

"He realized that I'm a much better detective than he is," Heiji chortled.

"He dreamed he got a kiss from you!" Kaito crowed, unaware that he had actually guessed correctly.

"Oh, _gods_ ," Heiji groaned, shuddering and making a face. "Please, Kuroba, _please_ never allude to Hakuba and use the word 'kiss' in conjunction with me in the same sentence _ever again_."

* * *

Author's Note: Ah, Heiji and Saguru's antagonism is legendary. Mix that in with Kaito, and you have a "let's poke all sorts of fun at Saguru" session in play. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 21.11.2015


	48. XLVIII: Hakuba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XLVIII: Hakuba and Kudou

* * *

Saguru had broken out the tweed Ulster and matching deerstalker cap for the Sherlock Holmes convention at the Science Museum Exhibition Hall in Chiyoda. He had taken the week off to attend, eager to listen to the talks and discussions regarding his favorite fictional detective. He parked his car in the garage, mingling with other Holmes fans as he hung his exhibition pass around his neck.

"Hakuba?"

The blond turned at the sound of his name, only to find Shinichi fighting his way through the crowds towards him.

"Kudou-kun," he greeted, "You also took the week off to attend?"

Shinichi grinned. "I wouldn't miss this for the world! Megure-keibu wasn't all that pleased with me taking such a long time off, but since I hadn't taken vacation in at least half a year, he couldn't say no."

The pair entered the building and entered the main exhibit hall after taking a pamphlet detailing the present booths, events, and talks, both taking a moment to gaze around in awe. The interior was already swarming with people eager to share their love of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's most famous character. Shinichi was practically salivating at the thought of attending a Wednesday talk entitled, "The Holmesian Deduction: Deductive Reasoning through the Ages", which discussed the birth of deductive reasoning with Aristotle and followed its use through the centuries and into the stories that had so entranced him as a child.

Saguru laughed upon seeing a talk on Tuesday entitled, "The Sherlock Holmes Methods of Disguise". "I'm sure Kuroba-kun would have a field day with that one," he remarked, and Shinichi chuckled in agreement.

"I've no doubt he would. Were Sherlock Holmes to face off with Kaitou KID in a disguise contest, it would be with deep sorrow that I would bet against Holmes." Shinichi shared a knowing glance with Saguru. "We both know who is the ultimate master of disguises."

The half-Briton sighed, "Indeed we do."

They spent the day traversing the aisles of booths, taking the time to gaze at the offered wares before heading to the main exhibition, which was a mixed informative and interactive display of the methods used by Holmes to deduce who the culprit was, which ended with a history of the actors who had masqueraded as the renowned detective. The two were joking about how absurdly easy the interactive portion of the display was when there was a scream.

The pair raced towards the center of the commotion, only to find a man on the floor, foam coating his lips.

"Stand back!" Saguru ordered as he and Shinichi cleared out a space around the body.

"Who are you to tell us that?" someone in the crowd barked, which was quickly followed by similar demands.

Saguru growled at their audacity as he bent to study the body while dialing for Inspector Satou as Shinichi procured his badge and snapped, "Kudou Shinichi, Division One Homicide Detective."

The stunned onlookers could only back up to watch as the professionals began their work.

* * *

Author's Note: Some Sherlock Holmes nerd-out bonding for our two Sherlockians! But Shinichi's curse has to strike at some point, so why not in a place buzzing with wannabe detectives? I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 22.11.2015


	49. XLIX: Kudou and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XLIX: Kudou and Hattori

* * *

"You know, Kudou," Heiji pondered aloud as he slapped the roof of the police vehicle once, and the car holding their murderer rolled away. "If memory serves, Kazuha's bought you exactly four-hundred sixty-three good luck charms over the years that she's had blessed at various temples." The Osakan stuffed his hands in his pockets. "You've _got_ to be cursed."

Shinichi snorted. "Tell me about it. Ran's _convinced_ I've a Shinigami stalking me." The pair of homicide detectives stood at the entrance of the Science Museum Exhibition Hall, which housed the Sherlock Holmes convention that both Shinichi and Saguru had been so eager to attend. Since a dead body had turned up the first day, the events and activities planned for Monday had been cancelled, though the things would continue on schedule for the rest of the week. Saguru was still inside discussing the details with Inspector Satou.

The investigation had taken nearly three times as long as normal because the convention-goers were convinced they could solve the case. They had initially watched in rapt silence as Shinichi and Saguru went about their business, entranced by the presence of the Modern-Day Holmes, but then some bright soul decided to challenge Shinichi to a deduction battle before the police arrived. Both of the official detectives had a rather difficult time keeping the curious onlookers from trampling over the crime scene. Once Heiji had arrived with Inspector Satou as backup, the crowd had reluctantly receded, particularly when she had threatened to hand out arrests for the obstruction of justice.

The culprit had been a woman who had once dated the victim. She had followed him here after breaking up with him on the grounds that he was not spending enough time with her. When she found out that Sherlock Holmes had stolen her boyfriend, she had, in a fit of pique, she had slipped cyanide into his fountain drink when he had not been paying attention. He had collapsed and seized, resulting in the foam on his lips when the detectives had reached him.

Heiji eyed Shinichi's downtrodden expression. "You okay?"

" _Why,_ " Shinichi began, aggrieved, "Does this always happen at a Holmes gathering?!"

The Osakan exhaled gustily. "I told you already: you're cursed."

* * *

Author's Note: Poor little Shinigami Shinichi. He just can't help that people fall dead at his feet, no matter where he is or what he does. The series is finally coming to an end—second to last chapter, people! I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 26.11.2015


	50. L: Hakuba and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

L: Hakuba and Kuroba

* * *

Saguru frowned glumly as he sat in his desk at police headquarters. He had specifically taken vacation to attend the Sherlock Holmes convention with the intention of _not being in the office_. Though he still looked forward to having the rest of the week off, it was not a promising start to his vacation.

"I thought you were supposed to be gone?"

The blond swiveled to find Kaito staring down at him in curiosity. "I was, but there was a murder and Kudou-kun and I were brought in to give our statements." He ran a hand through his hair, the uncombed mess left behind testament to his rather tired and soured temperament.

Kaito winced. "Man, that sucks. Sorry, Hakuba," he murmured, commiserating. "That's not how _anyone_ would want to start their vacation."

Saguru sighed. "Well, what's done is done," the Division Two detective murmured as he leaned back in his chair. "I was looking forward to attending some of today's scheduled talks, too."

The Division Three officer gazed at his coworker contemplatively for several moments before coming to a decision. "Come on, Hakuba," Kaito said, heaving him out of his chair, slinging an arm around the blond's shoulders, and hauling him towards the front of the building. "It's time to go home anyway, so we're going to go to a bar, get you drunk off your ass, and find you a gorgeous but scarily intelligent lady to talk to."

"Wait, what? Kuroba-kun—"

" _And_ , I'll even vet them to find someone who is just as obsessed with Holmes as you are so you two can chat to your hearts' content, you nerd."

"—has _bad idea_ written all over it and I _really_ don't think—"

Saguru's protests went unheeded as he was manhandled out of the door, Kaito's ebullient laughter and enthusiastic chatter echoing into the evening air.

* * *

Author's Note: And so we come full circle, bringing this drabble series to an end. I had so much fun writing this, and I hope you had just as much entertainment with me. It was a great way to learn how each of the boys thought, acted, and reacted, and how they learned how to interact with each other. I am somewhat sad that it has come to an end, but at the same time I'm so pleased. _So_ pleased. I _might_ be persuaded to continue this, though really it depends on how badly you all want another chapter… or fifty. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 27.11.2015


	51. LI: Kuroba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LI: Kuroba and Kudou

* * *

Kaitou KID disappeared in a burst of smoke, light, and confetti, leaving Shinichi coughing as he fanned the haze away, blinking through the tears in his eyes. Behind him, he heard both Saguru and Heiji coughing; Saguru was muttering darkly in English and Heiji was spitting out curses. KID had once again managed to snag the object of his attention, the Amethyst Dream. With a growl, Shinichi sprinted towards the entrance of the art gallery, which happened to be the elevator on the thirty-seventh floor of the building. Instead of taking the elevator, the detective climbed the stairs in the emergency stairwell in threes, panting lightly by the time he reached the roof atop the forty-fifth floor.

The white-clad thief turned slightly at the sound of the stairwell door opening, catching Shinichi from the corner of his uncovered eye. "Meitantei," he greeted as he tucked his prize into a pocket.

"KID," Shinichi responded, his breaths slowing to a more normal rate.

"I have yet to repay you for the Light in the Darkness heist," he purred, and Shinichi instantly recalled that evening on the roof where the homicide detective had kicked a bag's worth of soccer balls at the thief to his heart's content. He paled slightly even as he felt dread seize his stomach upon hearing the phantom thief's words.

Shinichi instinctively took a step back in nervousness as KID fully turned, indigo eyes intently pinned on his form. "There's nothing to repay," he answered, barely keeping himself from stuttering at the magician's unnervingly predatory gaze.

Kaitou KID smiled, and the sight sent chills down Shinichi's spine as the thief approached—although perhaps "stalked" was a more apt term. "Meitantei," he chided slowly—menacingly—carefully enunciating his words, "What sort of gentleman would I be if I _didn't_ repay my debts?"

* * *

Author's Note: So I've decided to continue this, since you asked so nicely… As this is no longer a main focus of my writing, updates are going to be slower and much more sporadic. Ah, Shinichi, he had to have known that that particular stunt was going to bite him in the ass at some point. I feel like I've started a cycle of "get back at the other". Oh well, more fun for me—and conversely, you. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 08.12.2015


	52. LII: Hattori and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LII: Hattori and Hakuba

* * *

"Damn," Heiji coughed as he rubbed his watering eyes. Beside him, Saguru was not much better. The two of them had taken the brunt of KID's smoke bomb, considering the blasted capsule had rolled right between them before setting off. In the ensuing confusion, Shinichi had disappeared, presumably to chase the kleptomaniac nuisance. He saw Saguru begin towards the staircase and followed, knowing that the phantom thief had probably escaped via the roof. As they picked up speed on the stairs, they heard one slam of the door far above their heads and realized that Shinichi indeed had preceded them.

"Think KID's still up there?" Heiji panted as they both took the steps in threes.

"Probably," Saguru panted back. "He'll likely wax poetic for a moment or two before he makes his departure."

"Cocky, arrogant, sticky-fingered, conniving…"

Saguru rolled his eyes and tuned out his companion's breathy complaints.

The pair tumbled out of the stairwell and onto the roof, both propping themselves on their knees as they caught their breaths. Heiji recovered first and raised his head, only to lose his voice in a throaty squeak at the sight of Shinichi pressed up against the wall of the stairwell, completely boxed in by the arms of Kaitou KID. The magician himself had his hands planted firmly to either side of the detective's head, and their faces were within centimeters of each other. Saguru glanced up a moment later and a strangled noise of astonishment escaped him.

The odd duo took a second to absorb the addition of an audience before KID dismissed them and returned his attention to his trapped prey, and Shinichi was helpless to return his attention to the thief, who had somehow stolen both his watch and belt without even touching him.

KID grinned once more. "I'm a man of my word, Meitantei," he whispered, moonlight glinting forebodingly off the glass of his monocle. "Please keep that in mind," he added before he was gone, soaring silently into the night.

There was a pregnant moment of stunned silence.

"THE _HELL_ WAS THAT, KUDOU?!"

* * *

Author's Note: Mmm, still haven't figured out what Kaito's going to do in retribution, but whatever. Had to stick that scene in there just to get Heiji's reaction. I couldn't help myself. Please do keep in mind that all of the boys save Saguru are married, though you are of course welcome to read into it otherwise. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 13.12.2015


	53. LIII: Hakuba and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LIII: Hakuba and Kuroba

* * *

"What was _that_?"

Kaito turned to find Saguru catching up to him, his expression intent and eagle-eyed. Kaito's own twisted into honest confusion. "What was what?"

"Last night," the blond clarified. At the brunet's continued bafflement, Saguru expounded, "KID cornered Kudou-kun at the end of the heist."

The Division Three officer frowned. "Wait… Much as it pains me to say it, but isn't it usually the other way around with _Kudou_ cornering KID?"

The half-Briton nodded. "Normally, yes."

"So what changed? Why did KID decide to pursue Kudou?" There was a pause, and Kaito flushed slightly with a disturbed expression. "That just sounded _wrong_."

Saguru himself appeared a little queasy at the idea. "I agree," he murmured. He coughed to clear his throat before continuing, "I was going to ask you that."

"Ask me what?" Kaito repeated, blinking with doe eyes as a smirk curled his lips.

Now the blond scowled. "What changed with KID regarding Kudou-kun?"

"How should I know? I wasn't there last night." Kaito pouted. "And that's so unfair! Why does Kudou always get KID's attention? Maybe if I…" The Division Three officer's voice trailed off as he began mumbling ideas under his breath, and Saguru caught several different methods of capturing the phantom thief's attention before he sighed, shook his head, and left his coworker muttering to himself in the hallway.

"Idiot," the blond uttered, tossing a half-exasperated, half-fond glance over his shoulder.

* * *

Author's Note: Ah, some good old-fashioned Kaito driving Saguru crazy via nonsensical arguments. But friends will be friends, however unlikely. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 18.12.2015


	54. LIV: Kudou and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LIV: Kudou and Hattori

* * *

"Kudou…"

 _"What?"_ came the distinctly irritated reply, complete with disgruntled glare.

"About last night…" The tone was inquisitive, accusatory, and incredulous all at once.

"I don't want to talk about it, Hattori," Shinichi snapped, flushing in embarrassment as he hid his face in his arms on this desk. Last night had been an utter _disaster_. Shinichi had known—had _known_ —that KID was going to retaliate for the deluge of soccer balls on that one heist, but he had not foreseen him doing _this_. And if what KID said was true, he was not done yet. Rather, last night had only been a prelude.

Shinichi groaned, and Heiji stared as he plopped into his desk adjacent to his friend's. "So?"

"KID's going to kill me," the Beika native said, voice muffled by his arms.

Heiji snorted. "You know as well as I do KID doesn't kill. He doesn't even hurt if he can help it."

Shinichi peeked an eye over his arm. "That's not what I meant." He raised himself back into a proper sitting position and leaned an elbow on the desk surface, propping his chin in his palm. "He'll kill me through sheer embarrassment."

The Osakan snickered. "I can see that. You were pretty damn embarrassed with him that close. Oh, _please_ tell me he was hitting on you," he begged, milking the opportunity for all it was worth.

The Tokyoite blushed. "He _wasn't_ hitting on me," he grumbled, his glare just shy of scorching. Heiji's eyes glinted mischievously, and Shinichi stared warily at his friend. "Hattori…?"

"Do you think Nee-chan will be upset that you were cheating on her?"

"Hattori…" Shinichi growled warningly.

"Oh, oh! So when can I expect divorce papers from Nee-chan?"

 _"HATTORI!"_

* * *

Author's Note: This one had me scratching my head for a while, since I was not sure how I should portray Shinichi's reaction. Of course, Heiji's reaction with Shinichi was an absolute given. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 02.01.2016


	55. LV: Hattori and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LV: Hattori and Kuroba

* * *

"You know, sometimes I wonder what goes through that head of yours," came a voice behind him.

Kaito blinked, glancing up from his paperwork. He swiveled in his chair to find Heiji approaching his desk. "I'd be disturbed if you somehow got in my head…?" he answered questioningly, swinging the chair around to keep the Osakan in his sights.

Heiji leaned on the edge of Kaito's desk with a chuckle as he crossed his arms over his chest. "I would too, honestly. Although…" he paused, apparently having just thought of something. He suddenly smiled widely, and Kaito eyed him back warily. "I bet Hakuba would pay _money_ to get a peek inside that noggin of yours."

The Division Three officer shuddered and made a face. "He couldn't offer me enough money to do _that_." Kaito shuddered once more. "Ugh, where's the brain bleach? Thanks for that, Hattori," he groaned as he lightly banged his forehead on his desk.

"My work here is done. Anytime, Kuroba," Heiji answered cheerfully. His expression turned into something similar to a leer as he leaned closer to the other policeman to murmur, "I think Kudou's avoiding you."

The magician straightened, a reddened circular spot proof of where his head had collided with the table surface multiple times. Kaito blinked. "Have I done something wrong?" he asked with a perfectly innocent and utterly quizzical expression. It had been three days since KID's last heist, and as Kaito thought back, he really _had_ seen neither hide nor hair of the other homicide detective.

Heiji snorted outwardly while inwardly complimenting Kaito on his superb acting skills. _KID-worthy indeed._ "I think you scared him witless," he remarked with a grin.

Kaito pouted. "But I haven't _done_ anything to him!" He froze for a moment before a distinctly sinister smirk grew on his lips. "Then again… I suppose a few pranks might be in order, since he's been stealing all of KID's attention, the greedy pig," Kaito muttered.

Heiji's brow furrowed upon catching Kaito's expression and made a mental note to warn his best friend.

The Osakan jumped when Kaito, after several seconds of complete silence, burst out with a wail, "And he's not even a KID fan!"

* * *

Author's Note: Um… sucks to be Shinichi…? Do I sense the possibility of a prank war on the horizon? I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 02.01.2016


	56. LVI: Kudou and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LVI: Kudou and Hakuba

* * *

"Have you been getting _any_ sleep lately, Kudou-kun?"

Shinichi glanced up from his zombie-like plodding down the hallway to find Saguru staring worriedly at him. The case he was currently working on was taking much longer than he would have liked—chasing serial killers tended to leave him exhausted, since the death toll in cases such as these left him feeling much more guilty than single-murder cases. It was a sad reality of his occupation.

"Guy I'm chasing's gone serial," the homicide detective answered tiredly as he gratefully leaned against the wall while shaking his head in a futile effort to wake himself up. Saguru realized Shinichi really was _that_ tired if he was speaking in informally complete sentences. "Case's already got a six-person body count."

Saguru winced. "How long's this guy been running?" Now that he had a chance to look more carefully, the Division Two officer noticed the Division One officer's rumpled clothing and bruised eyes.

"Week and a half," he yawned, ruffling his already unkempt hair. "Been trying to stake out the bastard's hidey-holes. Almost as slippery as KID."

The blond blinked. "What do you mean by that?"

Shinichi sighed. "Nearly caught the fucker last night. He only managed to get away because he used to be a gymnast in high school—but I _had_ him!" The frustration was readily apparent in his voice even as the homicide detective slumped against the wall, nearly asleep on his feet.

"Well," Saguru sighed, "at least there's one good thing about this guy not being KID."

The Beika native blinked blearily. "And what's that?"

Saguru smirked the tiniest of smirks. He could not resist this one _little_ jab at his friend. "At least he's not going to try to give you a buss."

Shinichi blinked once. Twice. Thrice. He released a strangled groaned and hid his face in his hands. "Not you _too_ …" he moaned, his muffled voice full of exhausted mortification.

Taking pity on his fellow detective, Saguru tapped Shinichi on the shoulder. "Let's go get you some coffee— _good_ coffee, and not that sludge they serve in the break rooms. You look like you really need it. My treat."

"But Megure-keibu—"

Shinichi's protest was cut off by Saguru grabbing his elbow and gently but pointedly nudging him towards the building's entrance. "I'll send him a message and let him know you are out on a break. I don't think he'll begrudge you taking fifteen minutes for a well-needed and well-deserved coffee break." Saguru released his friend once they had escaped the confines of headquarters.

The brunet paced easily alongside his friend, rejuvenated by the promise of the caffeinated beverage. "Thanks, Hakuba."

Saguru shrugged. "Don't mention it."

* * *

Author's Note: Yay for warm-friendship-fuzziness and stuff! And Saguru's got a playful side! Who knew? I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 20.01.2016


	57. LVII: Hakuba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LVII: Hakuba and Hattori

* * *

 _From: Hattori Heiji_

 _To: Hakuba Saguru_

 _Subject: This is Ridiculous…_

Kudou's been avoiding Kuroba for a solid two weeks now, despite the fact that Kuroba's yet to do anything. Think it's about time we did something?

HH

* * *

 _From: Hakuba Saguru_

 _To: Hattori Heiji_

 _Subject: RE: This is Ridiculous…_

Hattori-kun,

Any particular reason why you believe we should interfere? I, for one, would prefer not to get onto Kuroba-kun's prank-happy side. Been there, done that, would not like a repeat, thank you very much.

Hakuba Saguru

* * *

 _From: Hattori Heiji_

 _To: Hakuba Saguru_

 _Subject: RE: This is Ridiculous…_

LAME, dude.

HH

* * *

 _From: Hakuba Saguru_

 _To: Hattori Heiji_

 _Subject: RE: This is Ridiculous…_

Hattori-kun,

Please do not accuse me of cowardice until you have been the subject of Kuroba-kun's idea of "fun" for three straight weeks.

But in deference to Kudou-kun, I will talk to Kuroba-kun.

Hakuba Saguru

* * *

Author's Note: I am giddy. That is all. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 26.01.2016


	58. LVIII: Kuroba and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LVIII: Kuroba and Hakuba

* * *

 _From: Hakuba Saguru_

 _To: Kuroba Kaito_

 _Subject: A Word…_

Kuroba-kun,

Hattori-kun has requested that I inform you to let Kudou-kun off the hook, so to speak, regarding your declared-but-yet-to-begin prank war, as he has been somewhat skittish as of late.

On a side note, might I suggest switching the target of your ire to Hattori-kun? Kudou-kun has seen what you are capable of—as have I—but I'm quite sure Hattori-kun has yet to experience having the full force of your attention in prank mode…

Hakuba Saguru

P.S. – If you decide to go through with this, please let me know so that I may record it for posterity.

* * *

"So what is this _really_ about, Hakuba?" Kaito asked as he slid into the desk seat next to Saguru's. "It's not like you to be this… vindictive."

The blond sighed, shoving his paperwork away. The Osakan's "lame" comment had stung more than he had anticipated—but to be fair, Heiji had not lived in Tokyo for as long as either Saguru or Shinichi had. Plus, he had never been the target of Kaito's particular brand of insanity. Shinichi, Saguru knew, had been heavily involved in most of KID's heists after his reappearance in his late teens—and therefore knew what to expect. Heiji was, by comparison, a newcomer into the game.

"It's nothing," he finally said, rubbing his eyes. "I'm just… overreacting."

Kaito watched his friend with careful, concerned eyes. "Are you sure? I mean—I know the two of you don't like each other and don't get along, but this is the first time you've essentially decided to—ah, sic me on anybody." He leaned forwards on the desk, angling towards the blond. "It's obviously not _nothing_ , Hakuba. Talk to me."

At Kaito's continued, expectant silence, Saguru relented. "My pride's smarting a bit, that's all," he murmured, almost ashamed to admit it. He was sure Kaito would laugh himself to death.

Surprisingly, the Division Three officer did not. "What happened?"

Instead of speaking, Saguru pulled up the email conversation and allowed the brunet to read it through. "I see," Kaito said thoughtfully after reaching the bottom. "Would you like me to?" he asked, eyes kindling and mouth curling at the prospect of a pranking spree.

 _"No,"_ Saguru answered softly but firmly. "My apologies. I shouldn't have emailed you about that. I can't—I won't stoop that low."

"But then I won't have the chance to avenge the fair Hakuba!" Kaito lamented with a faux-mournful face and a mischievous wink. "Whatever shall I do to right the slight against my lovely blond lady?"

"Oh, do shut _up_ , Kuroba-kun," Saguru groused with flushed cheeks as he gave the melodramatic theft detective a shove, but a tiny smile lurked about his lips.

Kaito, the sharp young man that he was, noticed it and felt satisfaction coil warm in his chest for bringing his friend at least a little out of his mood.

* * *

Author's Note: Bet you didn't see that coming, did you? Kaito can be sweet and sensitive when he wants to be. It's just… it doesn't happen very often. And Saguru's such a mature lad. I'd be worried about Heiji right about now… I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 26.01.2016


	59. LIX: Kudou and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LIX: Kudou and Kuroba

* * *

Shinichi had spent the last two and a half weeks studiously avoiding Kaito, and not just because of the serial killer case he was involved in. The Beika native feared that if he and the Division Three officer ever locked eyes, his face might just spontaneously combust.

Kuroba Kaito had done absolutely nothing to him. There were no pranks at work, no sneaky little comments in the hallways, no _nothing_.

Kaitou KID, on the other hand…

Everything the thief had done to him happened in his house. Ran, fully aware of who Kaitou KID actually was, was of no help to him. Shinichi rather suspected that his traitorous wife was an implicit party in the thief's shenanigans.

The phantom thief had made it a habit to leave little love notes here and there, one per day, and all of which were tailored to embarrass him as fully as possible. The homicide detective had found the first one in his underwear drawer. Mortified and flushed a veritable cherry red at the knowledge that KID had been _in his underwear drawer_ , he had squeaked and slammed the drawer shut, which had then sent Ran running his way. When she had asked what exactly was the matter, Shinichi had stuttered through an explanation after snatching the offending slip of paper from between the folded squares of underclothes. Ran had raised a brow, grinned, and murmured, "So _that's_ where he hid it…" as she waltzed off with a giggle. To this day, Shinichi could not think about the contents of that initial missive without immediately blushing ferociously.

The other notes had been scattered in various places about the Kudou home, and usually in places only he would frequent. They had been _very_ strategically placed, as Ran would not ever happen across them as she went about her daily business. It made Shinichi twitch to think about how much time KID must have spent studying his habits _in the privacy of his own home_ , but an extremely thorough search of his house had revealed no bugs.

The homicide detective arrived at his desk, aware of the concerned gaze coming from Heiji as he sank into his seat, though the Osaka native quickly returned his attention to the case he was working on. Shinichi opened his drawer to grab a pen, only to barely stifle a yelp as yet another folded note with Kaitou KID's caricature emblazoned on the top grinned up at him. With trepidation and blazing cheeks he reached down, unfolded the square, and read the contents.

* * *

 _Meitantei,_

 _While I do believe you are absolutely  
_ adorable _when flushed a beet red, I  
have decided out of concern for your  
blood pressure to cease passing notes  
to you. I have had fun, though I do  
believe you were a spoilsport for not  
replying to the frank, sincere words  
borne from my exposed and rather  
delicate soul. Alas, I suppose your  
heart might the one gem I might not  
be able to steal from Kudou Ran's  
grasp. But have no fear, Meitantei,  
for I have set my sights on a new  
goal. I'm sure you'll hear about it  
soon enough._

 _With more smoochies than I can  
muster,_

 _-Kaitou KID_

* * *

Shinichi could not help but feel guiltily relieved that KID's attentions had been diverted, all the while pitying the poor idiot who had caught the phantom thief's eye. _Gods, you're such a shameless flirt, Kaito!_ He ran a hand through his hair, disheveling it more than it already was. _How does Aoko put up with you?!_

* * *

Peals of laughter rang throughout the Kuroba household. "K-Kaito, I can't _believe_ you!" Aoko giggled, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling. "You _didn't_!"

"Oh, but I _did_." Kaito grinned unrepentantly and with immense satisfaction. "I think I've sufficiently got him back." His eyes glittered as he murmured, "And now, for my next trick…"

* * *

Author's Note: I'll leave whatever KID wrote in those notes to your imagination, since I have a hunch that anything you think of will be far better than anything I can think up (i.e. those of you with KaiShin/ShinKai tendencies, feel free to allow your brains to run amok). I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 28.01.2016


	60. LX: Hattori and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LX: Hattori and Kudou

* * *

"You're looking much better, Kudou," Heiji remarked a few days after Shinichi had received KID's final note.

Shinichi smiled weakly. "I've just been somewhat stressed the past couple of weeks, Hattori," he replied somewhat evasively. The brunet knew his friend was subtly digging into the causes of his recent change in attitude, but Shinichi was _never_ going to tell Heiji what had gone on during those two and a half weeks of KID hell. He would never live it down if he told. _Those notes had been… how the_ hell _did Kaito write things like that while maintaining a straight face in his day-to-day life?!_ Cheeks warming in remembrance, Shinichi groped for a change in topic. "So did you hear about the KID heist notice?"

"The one released last night?" Heiji nodded with a grin. "Think I'll be attending this one. It sounds like this'll be _particularly_ fun."

Shinichi blinked. "Any reason why?" he inquired. Though this time around KID's notice had been more announcement than riddle, the Beika native was a bit in the dark as to why Heiji would have taken particular interest in this note.

The Osakan smiled. "The target he's after is a gem embedded in the hilt of a katana." The smile widened. "I plan on knocking that blade out of those sticky fingers of his."

The Tokyoite pondered the outcome of such a confrontation, weighing the combatants' respective skill sets. All things considered…

Shinichi smirked at his friend. "If I were to bet, Hattori, I'd place my money on the thief."

"What?!" Heiji squawked, affronted. "Why?"

"Simple," Shinichi murmured as he serenely strolled past his stunned coworker. "He's _Kaitou KID_. He'll string you up before you even have a _chance_ of getting close enough to swipe at him with a blade."

* * *

Author's Note: … and there's a bit of Shinichi's payback for Heiji's divorce comments. Man, the boys are just backstabbing (not literally, of course) each other all over the place! It's getting a little difficult to keep track of it all. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 01.02.2016


	61. LXI: Kuroba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXI: Kuroba and Hattori

* * *

The lights within the gallery blinked off for two seconds, then flickered back on. Heiji warily spun on his heel, the sleeves of his keikogi and legs of his hakama flaring around him, eyes searching for the figure in white. Heiji had decided to forgo the bogu, as the Osakan knew he would need maximum visual range and mobility when it came to dealing with the phantom thief.

"Looking for this?" Kaitou KID stood on nothing in the far corner of the room halfway between the floor and the ceiling, and with a snap, procured the daishou from whatever nebulous pockets he had hidden on his person. The katana spun on its midpoint in concert with the wakizashi, the former just high enough above the latter so as not to collide midair, slowing so that KID gracefully plucked the pair from where they eventually hovered lazily.

A quick glance at the display case revealed that the paired swords were, indeed, missing. "Get your ass down here, KID!" Heiji shouted, swinging his bokken into the ready position, weight balanced on the balls of his feet.

The phantom thief raised a brow in question as he nonchalantly tucked the wakizashi into his belt and proceeded to unsheathe and examine the blade of the katana after inspecting the topaz embedded in the kashira. "Why?" he asked tauntingly, amused laughter threading through his voice. "So you can beat me up with that little stick of yours?"

Off to the side, Heiji noticed in his peripheral vision both Shinichi and Saguru, as well as a few Task Force members, stifling sniggers at KID's remark. _I'll show you "little stick,"_ he mentally snarled. "I'll turn you black and blue," he claimed boastfully, "unless you're too much of a coward to come down and face me."

KID paused in his scrutiny of the blade's edge, eyes flicking up to regard the detective with a serious gaze despite the grin still frozen upon his lips. "You should not say such words to someone who holds a live blade when you are armed only with bamboo," he remonstrated, an odd tenseness to his voice. Sheathing the katana with what appeared to be a practiced, easy _snap_ , he tied it with a traditional knot to his belt before repeating the exercise with the wakizashi and situating them so that he looked like some very eccentric and badly dressed samurai. "Do you _really_ believe I am afraid of you?" There was amusement mixed with a hint of derision woven into his playful, lilting cadence.

"Is there a reason you're still up there and not down here?" was Heiji's mocking rejoinder.

The blur of white was the only means of marking the passing of Kaitou KID from his descent to the floor. The silver of the katana flashed in a single, smooth arc, slicing cleanly through the bamboo of Heiji's bokken. The Osakan had already leapt reflexively backwards and out of reach of the weapon, but KID was faster as he followed through with his first strike. The katana's blade whistled through the air to rest lightly against the homicide detective's throat, the honed edge scraping delicately against his skin even as the wakizashi's point nudged the small of his back.

There was a dangerous glint in the eye behind the monocle as the thief angled his head to gaze at him from under the shadowy brim of his hat. "You were saying, Tantei-han?" KID purred darkly.

* * *

Author's Note: And we now have an irritated KID. Good luck, Heiji. The kashira is the end pommel of the katana's hilt. But right now, _Heiji versus KID: FIGHT!_ I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 01.02.2016


	62. LXII: Kudou and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXII: Kudou and Hakuba

* * *

Both Shinichi and Saguru had unanimously decided that this particular KID heist was all Heiji's, since the Osakan had already—rather vociferously while he was at it—claimed it as his own. They were, however, immensely surprised to discover that Kaitou KID was an extremely proficient practitioner of ninpou and all that it encompassed—including wielding a katana. It explained quite a lot when one stopped to truly consider KID's skill set, though why neither detective had connected the dots before this point in time was beyond either of them. Perhaps the idea of KID as an actual ninja with all the skills to go with it was a little too scary an idea to contemplate. Kaitou KID as a phantom thief was already a veritable force of nature, but at least he was as showy as a peacock and harmless as a jackrabbit on caffeine. Were KID to become a shinobi in order to perform the assassinations they historically enabled… both detectives were interminably relieved KID had chosen thievery over the much more lucrative but infinitely more wicked assassination profession. They would never have a hope of capturing him otherwise, what with how easily he melted into the shadows if he so chose—even when clothed from head to toe in _white_.

As it was, they, along with the rest of the Task Force, observed as KID managed time and again to evade Heiji's attempts to either corral or disarm him. Heiji, after having had his bokken sliced cleanly into two, had been tossed another katana from the museum's collection by a Task Force member—much to the outraged dismay of the museum curator—in order to counter KID's offensive moves. Watching the flashing, clashing dance of blades between detective and thief was… awe-inspiring, if any of the observing policemen were to be brutally honest.

Heiji attacked and countered as if he had been born with a sword in his hands, so easily did he move. The katana was but an extension of himself, and to anyone watching it was plain to see why he was the reigning national kendo champion. KID was the utter opposite of the Osakan. Heiji moved with controlled, beautifully flawless technique. If he was earth personified—stable, structured, and tenacious, then the thief seemed to literally ebb and flow and twist like air as he dodged and parried Heiji's strikes. To be fair, KID's style was vastly different from Heiji's, with much more avoidance and deflection and less reliance on brute strength. But not only that, the phantom thief added in more kicks, elbow jabs, and hand strikes into the mix than Heiji did. And through it all KID's cape, swirling and fluttering like bird's wings behind him, never once felt the bite of tempered, folded steel.

The two detectives watched as Kaitou KID tossed out taunts and jabs at the increasingly frustrated kendo master, who was growing more and more red in the face the longer KID continued to remain unharmed and uncaught. Eventually the magician cornered and pinned Heiji to the wall with the wakizashi through his right sleeve and disarmed the immobilized kendo practitioner in short order with ease.

"Think we should help him?" Saguru murmured reluctantly, watching with clandestine glee as KID, holding the sharp edge of the blade once again to the Osakan's neck, leaned in to whisper something in the homicide detective's ear.

"No," Shinichi, who leaned comfortably against the wall while continuing to watch the spectacle Heiji was making of himself as he erupted at whatever the now cackling and retreating KID had said, answered immediately. "Not at all." He did, however, blush the instant when KID caught his eye while dodging the grasping hands of the Task Force and simultaneously winked with his uncovered one while sending him a left-handed police salute, all before disappearing in a burst of smoke.

* * *

Author's Note: So for those of you unfamiliar with my other works, in my general 'verse Kaito is a very adept practitioner of ninpou, or ninjutsu. For me, it's the rationale behind his ability to do his acrobatics and his knowledge of methods of diversion, stealth, etc., magic aside. Also includes abilities to handle a variety of weapons, though guns are obviously not part of a traditional shinobi arsenal. And there's also the second little bit of Shinichi's revenge, as well as Kaito/KID's own on behalf of Saguru. Again, backstabbing like crazy going on around here! I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 01.02.2016


	63. LXIII: Kuroba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXIII: Kuroba and Kudou

* * *

 _God-mother-fucking-damn it!_ Shinichi mentally snarled as he chased his prey. The serial killer he had been chasing for three weeks now nimbly hopped the fence of a residence despite the bloody kitchen knife clenched in one hand, and the homicide detective scrambled to climb the barrier after him. He crested the wall and leapt off, trying to make up for lost time as the murderer vaulted himself over the opposing wall. There was a surprised shout as the killer disappeared over the edge, followed by a pained yelp and scuffling as Shinichi crossed the backyard, pulse pounding in his ears.

Dread seized the homicide detective's stomach as he clambered his way up the wall. _Oh, gods, please not another victim!_ he prayed. There was a flash of light and a bang like a gunshot, a hiss of air, and the sound of a body falling accompanied by the clatter of metal on the pavement. Shinichi hauled himself to the top only to pause and blink at the scene that greeted him on the other side of the barrier.

The serial killer lay sprawled on the ground out cold, a relaxed grimace on his face. The knife lay a little ways from his hand, fresh blood gleaming off the edge.

Shinichi jumped down to further investigate the body when the sound of ragged panting reached his ears. Spinning, he found none other than Kuroba Kaito sliding down against the wall, clutching a bloodied hand to his left shoulder. "Oh, _shit_ ," he swore upon realizing that the killer had managed to injure his coworker.

"Cuff him first," Kaito grunted, and the homicide detective did just that before making a quick call to headquarters as he flicked on the flashlight of his watch to inspect Kaito's wound. "Superficial, I think," the theft detective panted after Shinichi had hung up.

"What happened, Kuroba?" he asked, helping to apply pressure to the injury.

"Practically landed on me," Kaito answered with a pained hiss. "Slashed me on the shoulder as he fell on me, but startled me enough to reactively drop one of the flash-bangs I use for my magic shows. Knocked him out with a blow to a pressure point while he was blinded."

Shinichi nodded, though he _knew_ he had heard that hiss of gas that indicated Kaito had used knockout gas. But he said nothing as they waited for the homicide detective's backup to arrive. Shinichi was simply relieved and grateful the man behind the monocle was still with him and not another statistic. But damn it all, why was he _still_ blushing?

He could have sworn he heard Kaito snickering.

* * *

Author's Note: I DIDN'T KILL KAITO THIS TIME. YAY! Erm, right. Some Shinichi-Kaito bromance going on this time around. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 20.02.2016


	64. LXIV: Hakuba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXIV: Hakuba and Hattori

* * *

"Kaitou KID's… something else, isn't he?"

Heiji turned to find Saguru approaching him, hands in his pockets and a neutral expression on his face. "A pain in the ass is what he is," he retorted, though a rueful grin quirked his lips.

Saguru chuckled. "Don't I know it. I've been chasing after him for almost a decade, but I don't think I've ever physically wrung him out the way you and Kudou-kun have."

"Well, at least you didn't end up with a concussion or were pinned to a wall in front of everyone during a heist," he griped, recalling the time he had failed to dodge one of Shinichi's soccer balls and had been hit squarely in the forehead as well as his latest encounter with the white-clad thief.

"I've ended gassed up to the gills while he masqueraded as me while I was knocked out on one heist," the blond replied, commiserating. He sighed. "That was somewhat embarrassing."

Heiji eyed his companion contemplatively with a hint of suspicion. "Why aren't you ridiculing me about the heist, Hakuba?"

The blond tipped his head in acknowledgment at his rather uncharacteristic response. "Because it's not sporting to do so. Because I know what it's like to publicly lose to KID. Because despite how much we bicker, I do hold a genuine respect for you as a detective."

The Osakan blinked, having not expected the surprisingly candid confession and feeling himself warm towards the half-Briton.

Saguru smirked the tiniest bit, mischief making his eyes twinkle. "And, because KID got back at you for me so that I did not have to." Having said his piece, Saguru swiveled and continued on in the direction he had originally been going.

"Oi, what's _that_ supposed to mean?" Heiji demanded, confused and feeling he had somehow been slighted, though he had no idea _why_ he should feel as such. The earlier budding blossom of camaraderie he felt vaporized in a burst of fire.

Saguru held up a hand in a parting wave. "You're a detective; figure it out," he called without turning back around. The blond disappeared around a corner, leaving the homicide detective standing alone in the hallway.

"Bastard," he grumbled under his breath as he refrained from stomping down the hallway towards his office.

* * *

Author's Note: Ah, the more subtle humor of Saguru versus the lack of subtle humor of Heiji. Yay. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 28.02.2016


	65. LXV: Kuroba and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXV: Kuroba and Hakuba

* * *

"Remind me again how I ended up with _you_ of all people on a stakeout?" Kaito quietly complained as he lay belly-down on the edge of the roof, peering into the warehouse across the street with a pair of binoculars.

Saguru shot his companion a rather baleful glare. "Just so you know, I wasn't all that pleased myself," the blond retorted, shifting slightly to relieve the beginning tingles of numbness in his right foot. He, too, lay on his stomach, a pair of binoculars in hand. "But it was not as if I could have chosen who to have gone with."

Kaito snorted. "You could have turned the task down, you know," he snipped.

"Do quit your whining, Kuroba. We're on the clock," Saguru retorted.

The two detectives had been assigned to a stakeout together to monitor the comings and goings of a group of local but rather notorious thieves and fraud artists. The group stole priceless artifacts from museums around Japan in addition to conning their way to obtaining items of museum quality before turning around and selling them on the black market. An anonymous Good Samaritan had tipped off the police with regards to the thieves' headquarters location. Kaito still snickered in private whenever Inspector Momose or Inspector Nakamori would crow gleefully about their "lucky break".

At any rate, the theft detective was now somewhat regretting his decision simply because he had been assigned to the stakeout with the blond. _Why,_ Kaito thought with a touch of despair mixed with irony, _out of all the people in Division Two, why did it have to be blond, British, and_ annoying _?_

The two divisions had decided to collaborate, since the crimes committed encompassed both of their areas of expertise. But since the police had no idea exactly how many people were part of this group, they had decided a stakeout was necessary. And as the youngest newbies of their respective divisions, Saguru and Kaito had been "voluntold".

It was now three twenty-seven and fifty-two seconds in the morning, according to the blond. Kaito grunted in response and returned his attention to one window that had a perfect view of the room inside. A wooden crate-turned-makeshift table held the blueprints of multiple buildings, and Kaito wished he could, for a moment, pop KID's monocle on to utilize the zoom ability of the lens, as it could magnify an image up to fifty times. The binoculars magnified by a puny ten in comparison.

The police already had an idea of when and where they struck based on habit and pattern analysis. It was now up to Saguru and Kaito to determine how many people were involved, as well as what sorts of firepower they possessed, if any.

Kaito sighed. _If only I could lose uptight and stuffy here, I could be in and out of that joint in two minutes flat with everything the police needed to know._ He froze before a sly grin spread across his face. Saguru, noticing Kaito's uncharacteristic stillness, shot him an uneasy sideways suspicious glance. _Maybe another night when he's not here KID could lend the coppers a hand. After all, he's not all that fond of_ real _thieves either…_

* * *

Author's Note: I sort of don't even want to imagine what a night's stakeout with those two would be like, especially if they bicker and take potshots at each other the entire time. I had a chance to write this at work since Ellen DeGeneres has set up the Trunk of Dreams thingee in the park across the street from my office. Work productivity has gone down the tubes for the afternoon. Luckily it's Friday. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 04.03.2016


	66. LXVI: Kudou and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXVI: Kudou and Hattori

* * *

"So why did I have to punch that guy?" Shinichi grumbled as he nursed his purpling knuckles.

Heiji scowled. "Because he was going to steal our table, that's why! That asshole deserved it," he tacked on with a mutter under his breath.

The Beika native glared at his friend as his stomach growled. "And now we're banned from that restaurant," Shinichi stated flatly.

"Only because the owner recognized you as a bringer of murders," Heiji muttered churlishly. "He didn't even care that you socked the guy one—and that was a damn good right hook, Kudou."

"At any rate, let's find somewhere to eat that's fast, since we've lost some of our lunch break time," Shinichi suggested, and Heiji grunted in agreement. The pair of homicide detectives wandered down the street, searching for another restaurant to obtain their noonday meal.

"Aw, _fuck_!" the Osakan cursed, inciting a round of raised eyebrows from his companion and wide-eyed stares from passersby in close enough proximity to hear them. "That was my favorite okonomiyaki restaurant in Tokyo too!"

* * *

Author's Note: And we have two über hangry detectives. I was having a pretty bad bout of writer's block. This was inspired from combination of a writing prompt on Facebook's The Writer's Circle page with the prompt being, "So why did I have to punch that guy?", and Boogum's idea of Shinichi getting banned from a restaurant because he brings murders with him—and this is the result. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 09.03.2016


	67. LXVII: Hattori and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXVII: Hattori and Kuroba

* * *

The hairs on the back of Kaito's neck stood on end, and the Division Three officer scanned his eyes around to search for the source of his unease. He blinked upon seeing Heiji staring rather intently at him. "What?" he barked more harshly than intended, slightly unnerved by the Osakan's gaze. The two had been paired up on a case regarding a theft-turned-murder.

Heiji started at Kaito's rough inquiry. "Nothing," he answered, his eyes sweeping off to the side to watch the forensics team cleaning up the last of their tools. The body had already been bagged and taken to the morgue.

Kaito eyed his friend and coworker somewhat suspiciously. "You've been kind of twitchy around me ever since that KID heist. You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," Heiji replied, his body language indicating he clearly did not want to talk about it.

"This doesn't have anything to do with me being KID again, does it?" the theft detective asked, irritation in his voice.

The Division One officer shot Kaito a glare. "No," he snapped somewhat peevishly.

Kaito scowled, his mood dropping to match Heiji's. "Then what? You've been acting like a spooked filly every time you're around!"

Heiji growled as he snagged Kaito's arm and hauled him away from anyone who might over hear. "I'm still pissed as hell that KID got one over me," he eventually admitted after a few moments of tense waiting on Kaito's part. "I'm a _national champion in kendo_ , and I couldn't land a solid blow _once_ on the asshole!"

The Division Three officer stared for two seconds before he burst out laughing, clutching his stomach and hunching over.

"It's _not funny_ , you fucker," the Osakan snarled, riled beyond simple vexation and well on his way to becoming truly angry.

"Oh give it up, Hattori," Kaito sputtered out between bouts of mirth. When he had calmed down enough to talk, he said, "That was your first time going toe-to-toe with the thief, right? It was only expected that he'd make a huge spectacle of it—he has a new detective to add to his collection!"

"Co—Collection?!"

Kaito giggled delightedly. "You know—like Pokémon? 'Gotta catch 'em all!'?"

Heiji stared, dumbfounded, before he sighed and gave in to weak chuckles. "Isn't it supposed to be the other way around, where _we_ catch _him_?" He shoved the other detective in the shoulder. "You're such a weirdo, Kuroba."

"As if you'd have me any other way," Kaito simpered in reply.

The Osakan laughed. "Yeah, otherwise I wouldn't have a built-in Hakuba annoyer."

* * *

Author's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! I do so love Heiji and Kaito interaction, though nothing too foolish here. They are so fun to write together. And sorry for the long wait. I've been grappling with writer's block for the past several months, and I hope this spell is finally coming to an end. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 01.04.2016


	68. LXVIII: Hakuba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXVIII: Hakuba and Kudou

* * *

"Why do you attend KID heists?"

Shinichi turned from where he had been gazing absently out the break room window at the morning traffic with a coffee cup in his hand to find Hakuba Saguru pouring himself a cup. "Pardon?"

"Kaitou KID's heists," Saguru repeated as he came to stand beside the Division One officer. "They're outside of your unit's jurisdiction, yet you—and as of late, Hattori-kun—make every effort to show up to each and every theft." He blew the surface of his steaming beverage before taking a cautious sip.

"Does it bother you that either of us attend?" the Tokyoite asked, his blue eyes watching the half-Briton.

Saguru shook his head. "No, not at all," he answered. He paused before amending, "Well, at least not you." The Division Two officer stared contemplatively at the steam rising from the surface of his coffee. "Rather, I'm just curious as to your reasons to attend."

Shinichi huffed a laugh. "It's rather simple," he said, turning his eyes back to the window. "We're rivals—friends, perhaps. It's a challenge to each other—a dare to see who is willing to go further."

"And yet you've never won," the criminal affairs detective stated, his voice neutral.

"I've won my fair share too," Shinichi refuted. "Just because I haven't unmasked him does not mean I haven't won the matches."

"But that _is_ your ultimate goal, isn't it? To catch KID?"

Saguru wore an expression of polite confusion, and Shinichi endeavored to clarify his admittedly unorthodox relationship with the phantom thief. "KID and I go back—way back. Probably not as far as he and you, but close enough to have a solid grasp of each other's strengths and weaknesses, reflexes and mental strategies."

The blond frowned. "But you did not earnestly begin to chase KID until you returned from your three-year disappearance," he countered, "So when did you…?"

Shinichi caught Saguru's eyes, and his shark-like grin brought forth a younger face framed by overly large glasses and a red bowtie to mind. "Despite how I appeared," the homicide detective said tranquilly with a sip of his coffee, "I was there and he knew it. Our first encounter began the game, and we haven't reached the end yet."

The puzzle pieces snapped into place. "So you were…?" Saguru breathed.

The Tokyoite grinned mischievously, the expression reminding the blond immediately of a certain menace that had grown on him over the years and who was currently stationed in Division Three. "How else do you think Mouri Kogoro solved his cases while taking forced naps?"

* * *

Author's Note: A more introspective piece. My brain is so ready to shut down, as it is currently 01:30 and the outside rain is a pleasant lullaby. The only thing keeping me from sleep right now is the thunder and lightning. Ah well, I only hope when I read this when I'm actually fully awake and functioning it sounds decently coherent. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 18.04.2016


	69. LXIX: Kuroba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXIX: Kuroba and Kudou

* * *

A white-clad thief sighed to himself as he burst out of the stairwell of the museum building. Tonight's chase had been a little dull without Kudou present. Hakuba and Hattori had been in attendance, but with the two bickering as usual, they were rather ineffective on the whole. He pulled out the sizable aquamarine he had filched and held it up to the moon. Another sigh escaped him as he tucked it back into a pocket.

"Not what you were looking for?"

Kaitou KID spun, card gun out and finger on the trigger as he instinctively aimed it at the source of his surprise. He blinked. "Kudou-san?" he asked, lowering his weapon and tucking it away.

Kudou Ran leaned against the stairwell entrance, her presence hidden by the door when he had exited the building. She pushed herself off from the wall, taking slow, sedate steps towards him. Her eyes gleamed brightly in the moonlight as she approached him, and the magician felt his metaphorical hackles rise.

"May I inquire as to why you are here this eve, Kudou-san?" KID asked, watching the woman warily.

Ran came to a stop an arm's length away from the infamous criminal, her eyes holding steadily with his. "I've a score to settle with you, Kaitou KID-san," she answered blandly.

KID silently gulped. "Oh?" he murmured, intrigued despite himself. "Regarding?"

His instinctive reflex to dodge—courtesy of his ninjutsu training—was the only thing that saved him from a foot to his face, and he danced backwards in slight panic as Ran pursued him. "Kudou-san," he yelped as he dodged kicks and punches, "What…?" He retaliated with a few shots, forcing her to retreat a few times and thus allowing him small breathers. He had noticed, however, that she was not using anywhere near the full force of her strength, thank the gods for small favors—he knew for a fact that she could break concrete blocks with relative ease.

"An eye for an eye," Ran said after landing a solid hit on KID's left upper arm. He stumbled back with a grunt, clutching his definitely bruised, but reassuringly unbroken arm. "Since Shinichi broke his at your last heist."

The phantom thief's mouth dropped open in unfiltered astonishment. "That—that was Meitantei-san's own fault!" he squawked as he gingerly cradled his arm with a wince. "It's not _my_ fault he broke his arm because he tripped on his untied shoelaces running down a flight of stairs!"

Ran hummed as she turned back towards the stairwell, apparently satisfied. "But isn't it an unspoken rule that you adhere to, Kaitou KID-san?" she asked as she walked away and entered the stairs. "Nobody gets hurt?" She popped her head back out and called in a sing-song voice, "Actually, that was payback for groping me." Then her head disappeared and the door shut with a quiet, deafening _click_.

KID stared at the stairwell door and blinked several times before he shook himself out of the trance he had fallen into. A fond grin curved his lips as he grumbled, " _Of_ _course_ she would remember that." He carefully stretched and tested out his arm before preparing himself for a somewhat rougher than usual flight home.

* * *

Author's Note: So I'm not entirely sure Ran would have actually done this, but the idea would not leave me alone. Anyhow, I had fun writing this. Also, in my personal head-canon, Kaito practices ninpou and thus has a reason he is so good at acrobatics and the like. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 29.04.2016


	70. LXX: Hattori and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXX: Hattori and Kuroba

* * *

"Oi, Kuroba!"

Kaito turned at the familiar voice with the distinctive Kansai accent. "Hey there, Hattori," he greeted, shifting the duffle with his change of clothes on his shoulder. Bodies pressed around him in Ayase Station in Adachi, people hurrying to catch their trains. Kaito himself was on the way home from ninjutsu practice. The wearing of his han kote had left a rather distinctive pattern of calluses on the backs of his hands and knuckles, along with imprinted lines where the arm guard ties had lightly bitten into the fleshier sides and insides of his hands. He rubbed them somewhat self-consciously as he waited for Heiji to approach, surreptitiously tugging his apparently too-sleeves down to reach the base of his fingers. "Isn't this a little far from Chiyoda?"

"Murder case the local unit couldn't solve," Heiji replied as he jogged up. He grinned cockily. "They had to call in the resident expert," he declared with a wink. Kaito rolled his eyes at his friend's purposely overblown arrogance. The Osaka native glanced down at Kaito's hands, and there was a flash of recognition at the pattern of calluses scrawled across the backs of his hands, as Heiji wore kote in kendo practice as well. "You practice kendo?"

 _Why did it have to be Hattori,_ Kaito mentally bemoaned. _Were it Hakuba or even Kudou, neither would have known_ exactly _where these calluses are from…_ "Not kendo," he murmured as he shifted his duffle to his other shoulder and walked towards the platforms. Heiji easily paced him. "Ninpou."

Heiji's teal eyes studied him with unnerving intensity for several moments, and Kaito _knew_ without a doubt he was thinking of his failed encounter with Kaitou KID several months ago, and his posture unconsciously gravitated towards defensive. "Would you stop doing that?" he snapped when Heiji's silent stare had passed the ten-second mark.

The homicide detective blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"This habit you've picked up of staring at me," Kaito answered with agitation apparent in his demeanor. "Please stop—it's stressing me out."

Heiji's eyebrows cranked upwards in surprise before an utterly salacious smirk graced his face. "Hey now, Kuroba, don't you know how easy on the eyes you are?"

Kaito blinked at the sudden change in Heiji's attitude before he batted his eyelashes coquettishly and played along. "Oh, you flatter me, Hattori," he cooed right as their transport back to Chiyoda slowed to a stop at their platform. Kaito daintily stepped on first with exaggerated swinging hips, and his voice drifted backwards to Heiji: "But unfortunately for you, I'm a married man!"

Heiji laughed, amused, as he followed his coworker onto the train carriage.

* * *

Author's Note: I swear, if Kaito ever managed to nab Heiji as his KID sidekick, the mayhem would increase exponentially. Kind of the same way it would probably work with Shinichi. Kote are armored sleeves worn to protect samurai's arms. Han kote are half-sleeves held in place with ties. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 09.05.2016


	71. LXXI: Hakuba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXI: Hakuba and Hattori

* * *

"Goddammit, Hakuba, can I not take a piss without you breathing down my back?!" Heiji snarled as he stomped to the sinks to wash his hands after relieving himself.

Saguru had stationed himself at the entrance to the men's restroom, attention politely directed away from the agitated homicide detective. "Apologies, Hattori-kun, but notice specifically said—"

"Yeah, yeah, I _read_ the damn note," the Osakan growled, wiping his hands dry with his handkerchief. Kaitou KID had sent out a heist notice, indicating that somehow the Osakan detective had everything to do with this particular target, though Heiji, Shinichi, and Saguru had yet to decipher KID's intent. "That does _not_ mean, Hakuba, that you have to act like a damn parasite."

The pair of detectives exited into the hallway of the hotel ballroom—the location of the phantom thief's heist. There had been a gala that night, celebrating Ran and Kazuha's graduation from law school. Heiji quickly found his fiancée in the crowd, chatting with the Kudous. The Osakan gritted his teeth and did his absolute best to ignore his blond, annoying shadow. _Where's Kuroba when you need him?_

As the time of KID's heist approached, the professors, graduates, and friends and family thereof began to grow increasingly excited. The attending members of the Kaitou KID Task Force, on the other hand, grew increasingly anxious with the exception of Inspector Nakamori.

"Any ideas yet, Hattori?" Saguru asked quietly as the seconds began counting down.

Heiji shook his head as he pulled Kazuha close to him. "Not a clue." At exactly nine, the electricity to the hotel was cut, plunging the ballroom into complete darkness. There was a muffled squeak, and suddenly Heiji grasped nothing but air. "What the—!" he yelped. "Kazuha!" His voice echoed in the vast room and silenced the charged titter of KID's captive audience. "KAZUHA!"

"She's safe, Tantei-han," KID's voice echoed in the blackness. A single spotlight focused on a raised platform high overhead and previously unnoticed. On this platform perched Kaitou KID with Kazuha grasped lightly around the waist to ensure she did not fall.

The Osakan snarled. "LET HER GO, KID!"

"Heiji!" the newly minted lawyer cried upon spotting her fiancé.

KID tutted. "Ah, ah, Tantei-han! How ever did you not realize my objective this night?" As Heiji sputtered incoherently, the phantom thief turned to his prize for the night and stepped back, teetering on the edge of the small platform. Gently grasping her hand, KID bent at the waist and pressed a delicate kiss to the back of her hand. "Congratulations, mademoiselle," he murmured, peering at her from beneath the brim of his top hat, "On your impending nuptials." He straightened with a gentle smile on his face.

Kazuha blushed furiously. "Th-Thank you," she stuttered, embarrassed yet undeniably charmed by KID's sincerity.

A roguish grin replaced his smile and he whispered with a wink, "And now for my next trick…"

The single spotlight winked out, once again blanketing the room in darkness for several seconds before all the lights turned back on.

Heiji blinked at the sudden change in lighting.

"Heiji!" Kazuha called, and the Osakan detective turned just in time to catch his future wife in his arms.

"You're not hurt, are you?" he asked frantically, visibly sweeping her form for any damage.

Kazuha shook her head. "I'm fine. KID—he actually just wanted to congratulate me…"

Heiji blinked at her words before he grumbled over his shoulder, "Some bodyguard you were." Saguru scoffed and shot his companion a dark scowl in return.

* * *

Author's Note: Um, KID sort of swept in and stole the show—and yes, pun intended. I figured Kaito as KID _would_ do something as silly and as romantic as this, simply because he is a big sap at heart. And really, a riddle that our three detectives could not decipher? Preposterous! … well to be fair, they were not expecting him to go after a _person_ … I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 19.05.2016


	72. LXXII: Kuroba and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXII: Kuroba and Hakuba

* * *

"So no potential prospects yet?" Kaito asked as he slurped the broth of his ramen.

Saguru sighed. "No, for the fifteenth time, and I'm also not terribly interested in the idea."

Kaito frowned. "Just because you find most women to be idiots doesn't mean there isn't at least _one_ girl out there for you." He paused. "Or guy, for that matter." The Divison Three detective flinched as he received an impromptu frontal shower of shoyu broth.

The blond thumped his chest as he hacked and sputtered. "Kuro—Kuroba…" he coughed.

The brunet had begun wiping himself off with napkins handed to him by a rather considerate waitress. He first wiped his face and did his best to soak the soup from his hair before he sighed at his white shirt, which was now liberally spotted with light brown and looked closer to an abstract work of art. "Had I known I would have received _that_ particular reaction, I would have asked for a space at the bar instead of a booth," Kaito muttered as he did his best to blot himself dry. He had already decided he was going to go home to shower and change, on the clock time be damned. Inspector Momose, his boss, would likely understand.

"Why do you keep trying to set me up, Kuroba?" Saguru hissed quietly once his lungs were done expelling the foreign liquid.

"Because I think you could stand to have human companionship besides your coworkers and your housekeeper," Kaito replied bluntly. "And just so you know, it's Aoko who's pushing this, though I'm certainly not opposed." At the Division Two officer's blank stare, Kaito sighed gustily. "The point, Hakuba, is that we both just want you to be happy."

Saguru blinked, touched by the fact that his friends were trying to look out for him. "Kuroba," he murmured softly, "I'm an _aro-ace_."

It was Kaito's turn to blink. "Oh," he said, staring at the half-Briton for a long moment. He then released a mixed groan and sigh, and ran a hand through his dirtied hair in frustration. "You could have _said_ so earlier!"

* * *

Author's Note: Bonding moment for our two frenemies… how cute. This is my explanation for Saguru's lack of a significant other for this particular fic. If you don't know what being ace is, look up how the term "asexual" applies to people. We're a rather willfully ignored or unseen group on the whole, it seems. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 22.05.2016


	73. LXXIII: Kudou and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXIII: Kudou and Hattori

* * *

Shinichi sighed, worn out from his latest case. Beside him, Heiji groaned as he stretched out his back, the vertebrae in his spine making satisfying popping noises.

"God damn," the Osakan swore, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"You got that right," the Tokyoite replied wearily, blinking dazedly at the file before him.

The pair had been on the trail of yet another serial killer. But this one… this one was _smart_. This one left no clues behind. Heiji and Shinichi had been on this case for two weeks now, always just one step behind. And it was frustrating them to no end as well as costing them countless hours of sleep.

"Need 'nother cup?" Shinichi mumbled as he made to rise to refill his paper cup with the tar that passed for coffee at the station. It was now three in the morning, and they were the only ones on their floor.

Heiji's head thumped against his desk. "I don' think that's gonna help me now," he slurred.

Shinichi tried and failed to stand from his swivel chair, collapsing back in it due to sheer exhaustion. "Ah, fu—"

Two minutes later found the two homicide detectives asleep as they were.

Sunrise found them still at their desks, though this time each with a blanket draped over their shoulders and a pillow under their heads. The two woke up blearily as people began filtering in to begin another day at the office.

"Wha…?" Shinichi mumbled, blinking as he absently wiped a string of drool off his cheek.

Heiji was in no better condition. "Kudou, am I dreaming?" he asked as he stared at the seam where their adjacent desks met.

A basket filled with still-warm croissant-wrapped mini-hotdogs rested next to a large thermos of what they suspected was coffee. A note lay next to the two items.

* * *

 _Kazuha was unable to sleep, so she  
_ _baked the croissants for the two of  
_ _you early this morning. I provided  
_ _the coffee, pillows, and blankets.  
_ _Please try not to drool on them. ;p  
Close this case soon!_

 _Love,_  
 _Kazuha and Ran_

* * *

The two men eyed the foodstuffs with newfound appreciation as they began to wake up and tuck in.

* * *

Author's Note: So not a funny one, but a cutesy one instead. And egads, I am tired, since I have a pretty good head cold clogging up my sinuses. Yay. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 01.06.2016


	74. LXXIV: Hakuba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXIV: Hakuba and Kudou

* * *

"I swear, Kudou-kun, if I believed in the supernatural I would have said you were cursed," Saguru grumbled as he and said homicide detective reentered police headquarters.

Shinichi sighed and made his way towards the stairs. "After what I've been through, I'm inclined to say I _am_ cursed," he muttered, recalling his stint as Edogawa Conan. People walking the opposite direction immediately veered away from him, creating a bubble around Shinichi as he and Saguru walked.

The two had been outside for a breath of fresh air when a random passerby had literally been shot in the head in front of the two detectives. There had been instant mayhem in streets. Saguru had taken off in the direction the shot had been fired; Shinichi had cleared a space around the body, all the while studiously ignoring the fact that he had brain matter and blood spattered across his suit. The culprit had been quickly caught thanks to the half-Briton's actions, and the body had been taken to the morgue for identification. Shinichi was on his way to give a _very_ brief report to Inspector Megure before he retired for the day—he planned to get out of the clothes as soon as possible, and had not yet decided if burning or bleaching the items of clothing was the better route. Luckily for him, the spray had not managed to get him in the face.

"Megure-keibu," he announced to grab his superior's attention, and the man gasped as he took in his appearance.

"Go home, Kudou-kun," the mustached man ordered, flapping a hand at him, "Hakuba-kun can cover your report."

Shinichi nodded gratefully. "Thank you." He spun and left, leaving the reporting in Saguru's capable hands.

* * *

Author's Note: Aw, poor Shinichi. I tend to do terrible police-related things to him, and Saguru's along for the ride this time around. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 04.06.2016


	75. LXXV: Kudou and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXV: Kudou and Kuroba

* * *

"A word." The quiet phrase, along with the distinctive voice, caused Shinichi to pause on his way out of his home library to retire for the evening, "If you will, Meitantei."

The homicide detective slowly spun on his heel, and he was not surprised to find Kaitou KID perched casually on the frame of an open window, single visible eye trained intently on him. "KID," he greeted, nodding. "What brings you out of the woodwork with no heist announcement?"

A chuckle drifted to Shinichi's ears. "Must I always require a heist to be out and about?" he lamented melodramatically.

Shinichi huffed in amusement. "It certainly fits your modus operandi," he answered flippantly.

KID allowed the air of congeniality to linger for a moment longer before his smile slid from his face. "Actually, I have a proposition for you, Meitantei."

The detective blinked. "Sorry, but I'm married," he said with a smirk, and the two shared a quiet laugh before he replied in a much more serious tone, "What sort of proposition?"

The phantom thief slid off the sill and approached, tucking his gloved hands in his pockets. "What would you do," he began with the air of one hypothesizing fantastical ideas, "if I told you that an organized crime ring was set on killing me? Theoretically speaking, of course."

"I would take them out," Shinichi replied bluntly, eyes narrowing as he recalled the reports of witnesses hearing shots fired, of the ballistic damage to property left behind at KID's heists. "Who are they?"

KID shrugged. "I cannot tell you that unless I can trust you," he answered.

Shinichi instantly thought of Kuroba Aoko and the grief she would suffer should her husband fail to return from a heist—placed _Ran_ in her position if he were to be KID, and his heart stuttered and cringed. "What do I need to do to prove it?"

"Are you sure about this, Meitantei?" the thief asked, his mien solemn. "These men are quite similar to your own Organization several years back."

The homicide detective appreciated the magician's warning, but forged on regardless. "They didn't manage to kill me then, and I was stupid and reckless back then. I know better now to make a plan and have backup."

KID folded his arms across his chest. "But would your backup be willing to work with _me_?"

It was a valid point. Shinichi's eyes held KID's steadily. "I'll handpick my team if necessary."

A grin snaked its way across Kaitou KID's lips, and Shinichi wondered if he was wrong about placing his trust in the thief when he spied the anticipatory glint in his one exposed eye. "Well then, I look forwards to working with you, Meitantei."

* * *

Author's Note: And we're off to the races. This promises to be fun. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 04.06.2016


	76. LXXVI: Hakuba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXVI: Hakuba and Kudou

* * *

The phone rang once before Saguru distractedly picked it up. "Hakuba Saguru speaking," he greeted tersely. His eyes continued to scan the latest of Kaitou KID's heist notifications.

 _"Are you busy right now, Hakuba?"_ came Shinichi's voice before he rebuked himself, _"Wait, of course you are, KID just sent out a heist notice this morning."_

"You would be correct, Kudou-kun," the blond said, ruffling his hair in frustration as he frowned at the riddle.

Shinichi hummed. _"Speaking of, I have a few questions regarding our favorite phantom thief."_

Saguru groaned. "Favorite is an overstatement," he retorted half-heartedly, and the homicide detective's laugh echoed down the line.

 _"Headache-inducing, then,"_ Shinichi corrected with a chuckle.

The Division Two officer huffed with amusement. "May I ask what your queries were, Kudou-kun?"

 _"Could I speak to you about it—privately?"_ he added, all traces of humor gone.

Saguru's brows furrowed in suspicion and concern. "Kudou-kun, if it has to do with Kaitou KID, I'm obligated to share the information with—"

 _"_ Please _, Hakuba."_ The earnest sincerity in those two words struck a chord within the blond, and Saguru sighed as he glanced around to check if anyone had listened in on their conversation.

"All right, Kudou-kun," he acceded softly after he was satisfied that no one had shown any overt interest in their dialogue.

Shinichi's sigh of relief hissed down the line. _"Thank you, Hakuba,"_ he breathed. _"Meet me in the garage in ten minutes?"_

Saguru nodded even though the Division One officer could not see the gesture. "Of course."

* * *

Author's Note: And the cogs begin to turn. I'm not yet sure where they'll lead to, but whatever. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 09.06.2016


	77. LXXVII: Kuroba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXVII: Kuroba and Hattori

* * *

"Kaitou KID-sama is so awesome!" one blonde female office worker gushed as both Kaito and Heiji passed by on their way back from their lunch break.

"Isn't he? I'd bet he's even better than the Magician of East Asia, Kuroba Touichi-san, who was said to be the world's foremost illusionist before he died," her companion replied. "I wonder how they'd fare in a faceoff…"

Heiji listened to their conversation, though he paid it no real mind as they were harmlessly comparing magicians. He continued walking, only to notice after several steps that his companion was no longer striding alongside him. "Kuroba…?" he murmured, swiveling to find his coworker stomping up behind the two girls.

" _Of course_ Kuroba Touichi would win," Kaito snapped, completely butting into their conversation.

 _Oi, oi,_ Heiji thought with incredulity as he approached the trio, _Aren't you arguing against yourself here, Kuroba?_

The first woman glared at the Division Three officer. "And how would _you_ know?" she bit out, irritated at the intrusion. Her friend watched quietly from the side, observing with worried eyes.

"Because Kuroba Touichi was my father, and he taught me how to be an amazing magician before he died," the brunet retorted with no small amount of ire in his voice.

"Well, what can _you_ do that the great KID-sama cannot?" the blonde challenged.

Kaito clenched his jaw. "I could likely do everything he could and more, provided I have enough time for set up."

The woman dismissed his claim with a flap of her hand. "Worthless, unless you can prove it," she proclaimed, a victorious glint in her eyes. "But—oh!—there's no way to prove it since there's nothing here to prove in the first place!"

Heiji's eyes widened as she laughed and Kaito flushed in anger. "I'll prove it to you," Kaito snarled through gritted teeth, and the Division One officer stared at his coworker in horrified amazement. "I'll prove that the son of Kuroba Touichi can outdo Kaitou KID in magic _any_ day!"

"Oh, no, you're not," the Osakan injected, shooting his friend a stern stare. "I'm not about to let you go off breaking the law just to prove a point!" _Even if you already do,_ he thought privately.

"No proof!" the blonde mocked, and Heiji decided he needed to act before Kaito suffered an aneurysm.

He grabbed Kaito by the back collar of his shirt and tugged, yanking the theft detective off balance. "Come on, you KID wannabe," Heiji grumbled as he dragged Kaito away. "You can't win this argument, and I'm not letting you pretend to be KID."

"I don't want to _be_ KID," Kaito wailed as he stumbled backwards, trying to catch his footing, "I want to _beat_ him!"

Heiji rolled his eyes. "Heaven help me and save me from the idiots," he muttered under his breath while including Shinichi in his definition of "idiots".

* * *

Author's Note: So Kaito gets a little bent out of shape anytime someone makes a remark against his father. Now weigh that against his pride what with being KID, and I think his love for his father outweighs his pride. Makes for an interesting twist, doesn't it? I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 16.06.2016


	78. LXXVIII: Hakuba and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXVIII: Hakuba and Kuroba

* * *

"Kuroba-kun," Saguru called, catching a glimpse of the Division Three officer in the hallway. "I wanted to ask you… are you all right?" he asked as Kaito turned around, a scowl on his face. At the magician's side, Heiji also paused.

"I want to beat KID _so badly_ right now," Kaito growled, and the sheer ferocity of his frown on a face that was usually so full of laughter was… unsettling.

Saguru resisted the urge to backpedal. "I'm afraid I don't quite understand…" he murmured, confused, "But… aren't you KID's biggest fan, Kuroba-kun?"

One of Kaito's eyes twitched in irritation. "I want to prove I am the better magician—that _my father_ was the better magician!"

The Division Two officer was utterly speechless. "Kuroba-kun…?" He sent a glance at Heiji, wordlessly requesting clarification for his former classmate's unusually foul mood.

"He's worked up about some lady outside who said that KID is a better magician than his dad," the homicide detective explained with a shrug. "Said he wanted to beat KID in a magic contest." A shared glance with the blond revealed that he did not know exactly _how_ Kaito planned on achieving his goal of a face off with the infamous phantom thief.

"But—" Saguru stuttered helplessly, "He can't—you can't _do_ that, Kuroba-kun!"

A dangerous glint flashed in narrowed indigo eyes. "Oh… _Can't I?_ " Kaito purred darkly, his entire being radiating dark vexation.

Saguru barely kept himself from gaping in astonishment. "Surely you're not serious…!" Heiji, too, was having issues speaking, as he was sputtering off to the side.

Kaito bared his teeth in a distinctly unfriendly grin. "Oh, I'm sure I'll get my competition. There's no _way_ I'm losing this one," he whispered, and without further ado, he swept off, headed for his office.

There was silence between the two rivals as they processed the fact that Kuroba Kaito had essentially declared war on Kaitou KID. "How is he…?" Saguru began, but the thought died as his brain tried to reconcile the fact that his friend wanted a faceoff with _himself_.

"I'm just as lost as you are," Heiji admitted feebly, and the pair of them shuffled off to their respective offices, wondering what sort of trick their friend would pull off in order to make this one-person-simultaneously-in-two-places thing work.

* * *

Author's Note: I has an idea…! And I hope it surprises you if Kaito is able to pull this trick of his off. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 18.06.2016


	79. LXXIX: Kudou and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXIX: Kudou and Hattori

* * *

Both Heiji and Shinichi stared at the body being bagged up by the forensics team. There had been a kitchen knife sticking out of her back, and her expression had been frozen into one of utter shock. The two had deduced that her younger sister had been the murderer, as she had been convinced that the older sister had stolen her boyfriend from her, when in reality she and the man had never dated.

Heiji rubbed the bridge of his nose, feeling a tension headache build behind his eyeballs. "Man, it's it time to go home yet?" he grumbled tiredly. The pair of them shuffled out of the apartment, sliding into Shinichi's gunmetal Aston Martin Vanquish with identical sighs. Shinichi started up the car and maneuvered them into traffic, their destination police headquarters. Heiji leaned back into the leather chair, closing his eyes for a moment.

"Hey, Hattori," Shinichi began, and though the hesitance in his voice interested the Osakan, he kept his eyes closed.

"Yeah, Kudou?"

"What would you do if a known criminal was being hunted down by an organized crime ring?" the Tokyoite asked.

Heiji scoffed. "I'd arrest the lot of them," he answered simply.

"And if the one being pursued had never killed while the group had?"

The question had Heiji cracking an eye open to stare at his friend. "You referring to KID?" It was only then that Heiji realized how tightly Shinichi had gripped the steering wheel—his knuckles were white with tension. "Hey, ease up on the wheel. It's not going to run away from you, you know."

Shinichi barked a huff of mixed embarrassment and amusement. "I didn't even notice," he remarked, and the comment made Heiji mentally sit up because Shinichi never "didn't notice" anything.

"What's eating you, Kudou?" he asked bluntly, eyes attentively watching his friend.

The Tokyoite sighed. "I received a request from Kaitou KID asking for my help in taking down a crime syndicate," he began. He ran a hand through his hair, ruffling the strands. "They've been sniping at him during some of his heists for years now."

The Osakan straightened, his tiredness forgotten. "So why haven't we heard about it until now?" he demanded, and suddenly Shinichi's weariness from the past couple days made sense. It must have weighed rather heavily on him to know that a good friend's alter ego was being targeted by an organization with both firepower and the desire to use it. "So what's the plan?"

Shinichi blinked and shot Heiji a somewhat incredulous glance. "That's it?" His voice was tinged with perplexed amazement. "You're not going to ask for details?"

Heiji settled back into the chair. "Kudou, if there's one thing I've learned working with you for years, it's that you are meticulous in your planning. If _Kaitou KID_ of all people is entrusting you to help plan this sting operation, then I think I'm in good enough hands. You just have to tell me when, where, and what to do when the time comes." He grinned at Shinichi, who was by this point, gaping. "Besides, between the two of us, you're the one with the experience with organized crime units, right?"

Shinichi groaned. "Don't remind me," he muttered, and Heiji knew he was recalling the days he had been called "Edogawa Conan."

* * *

Author's Note: It really is a beautiful thing to see just how deep Shinichi and Heiji's trust in each other run. Makes me want to hug them both. And a wonderful birthday to my darling Kaito. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 19.06.2016


	80. LXXX: Hattori and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXX: Hattori and Hakuba

* * *

The sound of approaching footsteps alerted him to a visitor in the otherwise quieter afterhours of the office. "Hattori-kun," came Saguru's voice, and Heiji rolled his eyes at the intrusion. "Has Kudou-kun approached you regarding _him_?"

The emphasis on the "him" made it abundantly clear to the Osakan that whoever the half-Briton was referring to, he was important. He swiveled in his chair to face his visitor and asked quietly, "You referring to Kaitou KID?" The blond nodded, and the homicide detective was struck by how uncharacteristically serious the criminal affairs detective's demeanor was. "Yeah, Kudou's asked."

"And your response?" the blond questioned tersely.

"I'm in," Heiji answered immediately. When Saguru only continued to stare silently in query, he expounded, "KID's helped us out a few times despite being a complete pain in the ass. And it's my job to solve murders and prevent them, if possible." Here he raised a derisive brow at his visitor. "Did you honestly think I _wouldn't_ help out?"

Saguru exhaled softly and marginally relaxed, and only then did Heiji realize how tense the half-Briton had been. "I admit the thought had crossed my mind, particularly after your… defeat at the heist targeting the daishou," he said as delicately as he could.

Heiji huffed in quiet laughter. "I'll freely admit I was rather overconfident when it came to facing him on my own for the first time, and I won't ever make that mistake again. But he's truly harmless in the grand scheme of things, and I'm not one to let _anyone_ take another life."

The blond allowed a small smile of relief to curve his lips. "It relieves me to know that you're on his side," he admitted, and Heiji could hear the faint but well-hidden thread of fondness for the thief in his tone.

"Besides," Heiji added, leaning back into his chair, "He's too much fun _not_ to have around."

Saguru grimaced slightly. "Somehow I believe your definition of fun and mine differ," he remarked as he swiveled on his heel and made for the central hallway. He paused before completely exiting and murmured, "And thanks, Hattori-kun," before he was gone.

Heiji chuckled and shook his head as he twisted back to face his desk. "That guy…" he sighed as he returned his attention to the cold case at hand.

* * *

Author's Note: A more peaceful moment between two opposite personalities, united by a common… not-enemy? I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 27.06.2016


	81. LXXXI: Kuroba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXXI: Kuroba and Hattori

* * *

Saguru, Heiji, Shinichi, and Kaito stood beyond the police cordon, watching the half-Briton's coworkers hold back the crowd of Kaitou KID fans as they stood at the entrance of the museum. The turnout was as large as ever, the phantom thief's popularity having only grown with the complexity of his shows. The former three watched curiously as Kaito lingered with them, curiosity causing them to monitor their friend closely as the starting time for KID's show neared. He was relaxed but alert, and his eyes gleamed with anticipation.

When Inspector Nakamori began the minute countdown, Heiji finally broke down. "Kuroba?"

Kaito turned towards the Osakan. "Yes?"

Shinichi and Saguru watched as Heiji fumbled once he had the Division Three officer's attention. "Uh," Heiji stuttered, "Aren't you going to…?"

"Am I going to…?" Kaito parroted, cocking his head inquisitively to the side.

Heiji huffed. "You know—escape?"

Kaito rolled his eyes. "Escape from who? You guys?"

The inspector bellowed thirty seconds until ten o'clock.

"You aren't going to leave us now?" Saguru asked with frank curiosity. "Is Kaitou KID not to appear this evening?"

Kaito's face stretched into an eager grin. "Oh, he _better_ show up," he murmured.

The three other detectives shared bewildered glances but settled, choosing to wait alongside the now nearly vibrating Kaito.

At exactly ten o'clock, a floodlight snapped on, the focus of its beam on a solitary figure dressed in white standing on the roof of the museum. Heiji, Shinichi, and Saguru stared incredulously as Kaitou KID bowed with aplomb to the roar of the crowds below as Kaito licked his lips in excitement. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" KID greeted, sweeping his arms out, and a wide smile was easily visible on his partially hidden face.

"It is _go_ time!" Kaito whispered just as KID dropped a smoke bomb and disappeared from sight. He took off into the depths of the museum, and the other three tore after him, unwilling to let their friend out of their sight now that there were potentially _two_ Kaitou KIDs in play. The very idea made them shudder in the backs of their minds.

* * *

Author's Note: Kaito gets his face off with KID, and in the process bamboozles his friends—just how he likes it. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 02.07.2016


	82. LXXXII: Hakuba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXXII: Hakuba and Kudou

* * *

 _I don't—how—?_ Shinichi's thoughts stuttered along as he chased Kaito into the museum, the Division Three officer sprinting towards the main gallery several paces ahead. In the room beyond, Kaitou KID's elated laughter echoed down the hallway, bouncing off the high, arched ceiling and wood-paneled walls.

Kaito came to a stop, gaze focused upwards at the phantom thief standing on a ceiling strut. He leered in eagerness, and Shinichi instinctively took a step back. In his peripheral vision, he noted that both Heiji and Saguru had as well.

"Kaitou KID!" Kaito called out as he pointed at the magician, "As your number one fan, I hereby challenge you to a duel of mystery and illusions!"

"What is he doing?" Saguru hissed in a harried whisper as KID laughed and replied, "Oh? My number one fan, are you?"

"I don't know, but which one is he?" he whispered back urgently, his eyes darting from KID to Kaito and back.

"I want to prove that my father, the late Kuroba Touichi, was the better magician! He trained me, and I will not have his name tarnished!" Kaito announced, and there was a faint wobble of emotion in his declaration.

KID was still for a moment, then he tilted his head in assent. "Very well, Kuroba Kaito, son of Kuroba Touichi," he intoned solemnly. "Your move?"

Kaito shook his head. "As challenger, the first move is yours."

The phantom thief grinned. "Very well then."

"Get back!" Heiji shouted suddenly, pushing the two back into the hallway right as KID jumped from the ceiling and threw down several smoke bombs at Kaito as his opening salvo. The three detectives coughed, and in the haze they could hear the rest of Division Two's members hacking, along with Inspector Nakamori's cursing as well.

"You do realize," Kaito's voice echoed from the cloudiness with a grunt, "that I am also trying to catch you, right?"

KID's chuckle came in response. "I wouldn't have expected anything less, Tantei-chan."

"What?" Kaito yelped, "Why am I Tantei- _chan_?!"

"Well…" the thief hummed, "I call Hakuba 'Tantei-san', Hattori 'Tantei-han', and Kudou 'Meitantei'."

There was another grunt, followed by a dull explosion of sorts. "So why can't I be 'Tantei-kun'?!"

A gasp. "'Tantei-kun' was Edogawa Conan, Tantei-chan," was KID's rebuke. "Besides, you're almost as cute as Tantei-kun was."

By now the smoke had cleared just enough for Heiji, Shinichi, and Saguru to see each other. Shinichi gurgled a choke at KID's comment and sent Saguru a pained look as he asked, "Is Kuroba really trying to give _himself_ a nickname…?"

A boggled Saguru blinked back and murmured, "I think so…?"

* * *

Author's Note: Mmm, am sort of running out of honorifics unless I want to start into some weird ones. Confused yet? I hope so. I hope you enjoyed it.

Edit: It didn't occur to me to use something along the lines of "Magician-Detective" and I'd honestly forgotten about Sera Masumi, but "Tantei-chan" applied to Kaito is just plain funny, right?

* * *

Completed: 09.07.2016


	83. LXXXIII: Kudou and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXXIII: Kudou and Kuroba

* * *

It was inevitable that, at some point in the chaos created by both Kaito and KID, Shinichi would become separated from Heiji and Saguru.

"Having fun, Meitantei?" came the phantom thief's lilting voice from somewhere close in the haze—he sounded close enough to be whispering in his ear. In the background he could hear Kaito cursing about something or another some distance away, and the fleeting thought of Hakase creating KID's help—whoever it was—something similar to his voice-changing bowtie crossed his mind. He dismissed it immediately, for under what circumstances would KID have to meet his crazy inventor neighbor? And much less have Hakase agreeing to make _gadgets_ for a known criminal?

 _"KID,"_ Shinichi hissed quietly, not wanting to be overheard but quite thoroughly peeved, "This was _not part of the plan_!"

The magician's face emerged from the gloom, stopping centimeters away from his own. The Division One officer made to backpedal, but KID's hands grasped him by the arms and held him in place. "Haven't you learned your lesson by now, Meitantei?" he teased with a mocking shake of his head in disappointment, "Plans involving me almost never go the way you want them to."

"But—There aren't supposed to be _two of you_!" Shinichi snapped with both irritation and urgency.

KID smirked. "Whoever said there were two of me? I am me and Tantei-chan is Tantei-chan, if that is indeed who you are referring to. Regardless, _trust me_ , Meitantei. Just follow your part of the plan." The magician released the detective from his grasp and melted into the smoke. "I promise I will send our… _mutual acquaintances_ … in your direction. Speaking of which, I spotted them earlier, right where you predicted." The phantom thief's voice came from all directions, rendering Shinichi unable to determine where _exactly_ the white annoyance was.

"Ku—KID!" Shinichi yelled, reaching out but feeling nothing catch in his fingers.

"I'll send word to the others to get into position as well," the thief murmured, and the presence that was Kaitou KID vanished from the homicide detective's periphery. "Tantei-han! Tantei-san! Where are you?" he trilled joyfully somewhere in the haze. Heiji's swearing answered KID's call.

"KI—oh, _fuck it_ ," Shinichi swore as he twisted and felt his way to the gallery entrance before sprinting out of the museum. Somewhere behind him he heard a bang and a yelp, followed by a taunting cheer at the phantom thief from Kaito.

* * *

Author's Note: Directions: Measure out one part Kuroba Kaito and one part Kaitou KID; mix thoroughly. Caution: Results may be explosive in nature; sanity not guaranteed. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 11.07.2016


	84. LXXXIV: Kuroba and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXXIV: Kuroba and Hakuba

* * *

The magician's voice was quiet. "Hanging in there, Tantei-san?"

Saguru whirled, disoriented by the lack of visual cues from the smoke as he tried to pinpoint the phantom thief's location. "KID!" he whispered.

"Meitantei is already on the move, as per the plan," the magician's voice murmured as he materialized before the half-Briton. "You should get a move on too. Be sure to grab the headset; I placed it where it'll be easily be found by you alone prior to the heist. I'll be off to find Tantei-han now."

"KID—" Saguru began, but Kaito coming out of nowhere and bodily tackling the thief interrupted whatever he had wanted to say.

"Found you!" Kaito crowed as KID yelped in surprise, the pair tumbling back into the haze.

The blond blinked, unable to believe his eyes. Sure, KID had been up on the ceiling struts before, but that could have been a dummy. What had just happened was assuredly _not_ some dummy. It had been both Kuroba Kaito _and_ Kaitou KID in the flesh. Even now, as he groped his way for the entrance to the gallery, he could hear the overlapping voices of both magicians.

"—you are such an octopus, Tantei-chan! Get off me; I've people to see, places to be, things to do!" KID complained, voice strained with what was likely physical exertion.

"—not letting you go now that I've got you, KID! Oh, _why_ did I have to challenge you just to defend Tou-san's honor?" Kaito wailed. "I can't win either way!"

One of them suddenly shrieked. "Ta—Tantei-chan! _Oi!_ "

There was an explosion and a crash, which was followed by, "KID! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!"

The phantom thief chuckled nervously. "No can do, Tantei-chan! Things to do, you know?"

Saguru finally located the portal to the outside, and fled the gallery. Ahead, he spotted Shinichi turning the corner by the museum entrance, no doubt on his way to his own assigned position.

 _I can't… Have I been_ wrong _all these years?_ Saguru wondered. _But the evidence…!_ He recalled that one evening where Kaito had been home, and yet KID had shown up at the heist location on the other side of town. Saguru shook his head and continued running, his destination preordained by the scheme Shinichi had thought up to catch KID's snipers. _I'll worry about that later. Right now, I've a few murderers to find…_

* * *

Author's Note: Now we have hard evidence that there are two Kaito(u)s running amok. Because Kaito is just plain evil like that. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 13.07.2016


	85. LXXXV: Hattori and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXXV: Hattori and Kuroba

* * *

Kaitou KID appeared out of the mists before him looking distinctly… ruffled. Heiji regarded the phantom thief with a raised brow. "What happened to you?"

The magician grumbled. "Kuroba Kaito, that's what," he answered with a tinge of sulkiness, and the Osakan recalled the thief's surprise and subsequent—rather deafening—getaway moments ago.

Kaito could still be heard in the background, cursing at the phantom thief for having escaped him. Heiji shook his head. "I'm not even going to ask."

"Well," KID said as he straightened his hat and dusted himself off. "Meitantei and Tantei-san are on their way, so I suggest you head out too. An earpiece will be there for you all and myself to communicate with." KID pointed to the earphone that was already tucked securely into his left ear. "Just follow the plan."

The Osakan nodded. "Good luck."

"You too," KID murmured as he melted away.

Heiji began his search for the gallery exit as the phantom thief chirped, "Nakamori-keibu! Tantei-chan! Why do you even bother catching me when we all know you won't be able to?"

"Damn you, Kaitou KID!" Nakamori growled. Kaito shouted something along the same lines, and the phantom thief cackled.

"Well, then, chase me if you can!" he called, and as Heiji finally left the gallery, the smoke began to dissipate immediately. He spotted Saguru ahead of him and followed, their rendezvous point where they would stock up on the supplies Kaitou KID had left for them before they confronted the thief's snipers. As Heiji ran outside of the museum building, a cheer rose from the crowds as KID appeared on the rooftop, the Task Force and Kaito not far behind.

 _Fuck!_ Heiji swore as he sprinted as fast as he could for the supply point, _He's too early! What the fuck is Kuroba playing at, making himself so visible with so many others at risk?!_

He slid to a halt once he reached the supply point, jamming the earphone in that Shinichi had held out for him. "KID!" he snapped, "The hell are you doing on the roof already?! You're too early!" Beside him, both Shinichi and Saguru swore.

 _"I didn't expect them to keep up quite so well,"_ KID admitted over the earpiece. _"Particularly Tantei-chan."_

And who exactly was "Tantei-chan" was something that _would_ be resolved at a later time.

"Get them off the roof," Shinichi demanded as he chambered a bullet into his Sig Sauer. Saguru readied his Smith & Wesson while Heiji did the same with his Beretta. "We're headed up."

 _"Copy,"_ KID replied seriously, and there was a dull _boom_ as the phantom thief doused the rooftop with smoke to screen everyone from the sniper's bullets.

The three detectives entered the building the snipers were staked out on, leaping into the elevator and pressing the button for the highest floor. From there, they would take the stairs to the roof. Each of them prayed that, in the short amount of time it would take to ride the elevator, run up the stairs, and incapacitate the snipers, Kaitou KID would keep the members of the police safe from harm. It was, Heiji would later reflect, a rather odd reversal of roles.

* * *

Author's Note: And the plan is set in motion with a tightening noose. Not sure what types of guns the Japanese police use, so I've made the assumption that officers are able to choose their firearm. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 16.07.2016


	86. LXXXVI: Hakuba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXXVI: Hakuba and Kudou

* * *

The ride in the elevator seemed to last for a lifetime, though in reality the ride from the first to thirtieth floor took fifty-eight and sixty-five hundredth seconds. Still, in Shinichi's humble opinion, it was fifty-seven and sixty-five hundredth seconds _too damn slow_. The contraption dinged pleasantly as it slowed to a halt and announced in a pleasant automated female voice, _"Floor thirty."_ The three detectives were, by now, bouncing on the balls of their feet, clearly anxious to exit. The doors slid back smoothly, and they instantly darted out like bulls from a bullpen.

As one they made their way for the stairwell, the knowledge courtesy of one Kaitou KID having provided the blueprints for the building. As they raced up the steps in strides that skipped every other stair, Saguru recited the plan to the others. "Kudou-kun, you're on point flanking left; Hattori-kun will be on point flanking right. I will provide backup for Hattori-kun, as he is the less accurate shot between the two of you." They reached the top of the stairwell and paused.

"Masks on," Shinichi said, and the three strapped on gas masks that did not cover their eyes. The Tokyoite hefted a secondary handgun that had been modified by the thief and shot pellets full of smokeless knockout gas. "Three shots to cover them completely; wait five seconds before moving in. Use deadly force only as a last resort," he reminded, and the other two nodded solemnly.

 _"They are on the northwest corner of the building,"_ KID chimed in from where he was at the heist location, presumably doing his best to herd his pursuers off the roof.

"Copy that, KID," Shinichi said. He glanced at his compatriots. "Ready?"

There was a yelp of pain, followed by a hissed, _"SHIT!"_ All three detectives tensed as pandemonium erupted over their earpieces and KID panted, _"They've begun shooting, though so far they've hit no one besides me. Please_ do _get a move on, my darling critics…"_

"Let's move out!" Shinichi whispered fiercely, and the three quietly eased the door open—easily done over the hum of the large HVAC—and split off to either side of the large unit to catch KID's snipers. There were three men, exactly as the phantom thief had said. "Are you in position?" he murmured.

 _"In position. Ready when you are,"_ Saguru replied tersely.

Shinichi aimed the modified gun at their feet and fired three times in rapid succession. The capsules hissed and the air distorted with the release of the vapors. The sniper and spotter pair, already low to the ground, both slumped over immediately. Their handler, whose back was to Shinichi, took several moments longer to crumple to the ground. The three waited for KID's recommended five seconds before sprinting in and cuffing their unconscious targets.

"Call it in," Shinichi said right as KID screamed over the earpieces.

 _"KID?!"_ the three shouted.

"What's your status?" Heiji demanded.

The magician was panting heavily in their ears. _"Got the roof cleared off, but it looks like we missed one,"_ he grunted. _"This one came from the northeast."_

"Kudou-kun, you take Hattori-kun and find them. I'll watch over these men and try to spot for KID," Saguru said.

Shinichi and Heiji nodded. "Thanks," the two homicide detectives said, and they disappeared down the stairwell.

Saguru grabbed the handler's binoculars and aimed them in the direction the phantom thief had mentioned. "Don't you _dare_ die on me, KID," he whispered.

KID's weak chuckle buzzed in his ear. _"Copy that, Tantei-san."_

* * *

Author's Note: Oh, there was a hole in Shinichi's plan—an oversight, since he is not as familiar with KID's Syndicate—and Kaito(u)'s paying for it. To be fair, they do seem to have gotten smarter. And yes, I will reveal who was Kaito and who was KID—but all in good time, my friends, all in good time. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 20.07.2016


	87. LXXXVII: Kudou and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXXVII: Kudou and Hattori

* * *

Two pairs of feet pounded on the pavement as they neared the building Saguru had said was where the second set of sniper and spotter were. According to the blond, they were stationed on the topmost floor, having taken a window out instead of positioning themselves on the roof. Heiji and Shinichi panted heavily as they leapt into the elevator and pressed the button for the topmost floor.

"KID," Shinichi huffed, "Status?"

 _"Still alive,"_ the phantom thief answered with a thread of pain in his voice. Then he chuckled and without warning broke out into song, complete with an android female voice:

 _"And believe me I am still alive.  
I'm doing science and I'm still alive—"_

" _Oh my god,"_ Saguru groaned across the line.

"What _is_ he singing?" Heiji asked confusedly, glancing at Shinichi.

Shinichi, for his part, had facepalmed. " _Seriously_ , KID?" he grumbled into the earpiece.

 _"—I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.  
While you're dying I'll be—"_ he grunted, and a muted _thwack_ could be heard, _"—still alive.  
And when you're dead I will be still alive._

 _"Still alive._

 _"Still alive."_

"That's… that's morbid, man," Heiji muttered, and KID chuckled.

 _"Well, that's what happens when you're immortal, Tantei-han."_

"KID," Shinichi said, "Please… just _shut up_."

* * *

Author's Note: I have no excuse for this one. For those of you who aren't gigantic nerds like me, the song is called _Still Alive_ from the game _Portal_. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 24.07.2016


	88. LXXXVIII: Hattori and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXXVIII: Hattori and Kuroba

* * *

Heiji and Shinichi made it to the topmost floor of the building without further incident. Both of them winced when the elevator dinged to signal that they had reached their destination. On quiet feet they began to investigate the outer ring of offices on the north and east sides of the floor. "Hey, Hakuba," Heiji whispered into the headset, "Which side and how many window panes are they from the corner?" Each office had a width of three or so windows, dependent on the thickness of the walls that separated the individual office spaces.

 _"South side, eight panes in,"_ Saguru replied after a moment's silence of counting. _"They've cut a hole out of the ninth pane so they could use it both as access and as a base for their rifle."_

"Probably in the third office then," Shinichi muttered.

The two detectives jumped as a muffled explosion rang in their equipped ears. "What is KID _doing_?" Heiji hissed, resisting the urge to snatch the earpiece out to rub his abused organ.

 _"Sorry,"_ KID panted, _"Had to create another smokescreen to keep them from getting desperate enough to pick out people from the crowd."_ His words descended into some rather creative swearing involving the snipers' mothers and lightbulbs—Heiji decided he would rather keep his sanity and tuned KID out.

The homicide detectives continued on, and Shinichi whipped across a cracked doorway of an office, gesturing for absolute silence. At his urging, they both pulled their gas masks on before Heiji leaned down to peer through the open sliver.

With the help of the full moon, the Osakan was able to see the still forms of two figures, one laid flat across a desk that had been shoved up against the windowed wall, and the other stood by with a pair of binoculars. Heiji signaled for Shinichi to press his ear to the crack to listen in to their conversation.

 _"See him yet?"_

 _"Fucker's tossed more smoke pellets. Not yet. And he's covered the crowd, too. Tch."_

 _"Doesn't help that there's nearly no wind tonight either."_ A silenced shot was followed by a near instantaneous yelp in their ears. _"Did you get him?"_

 _"Missed again. Asshole's more slippery than Hisa's wet—"_

Both detectives decided they did not want to hear the rest of the sniper's comparison, so Shinichi opened fire with several sleeping gas pellets. Once the two were undoubtedly out, Heiji and Shinichi entered the room and quickly disarmed and secured them.

"We got them," Shinichi declared with a quiet, content sigh.

Heiji whooped.

 _"Well done,"_ Saguru congratulated.

 _"It's time to CELEBRATE!"_ KID cheered, and as Heiji and Shinichi glanced out of the window, a bouquet of brilliant, glittering fireworks bloomed from the shrouded heist location.

* * *

Author's Note: And they catch some, if not all of KID's chasers. It's a start in the right direction, regardless. It's getting a little difficult to keep a focus on just two characters at a time when there's so much going on. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 27.07.2016


	89. LXXXIX: Hakuba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

LXXXIX: Hakuba and Hattori

* * *

After the captured men had been carted off to headquarters to be processed and questioned, the three detectives stood at the entrance of the museum, KID's glider having long since disappeared into the vast skies. Yet despite the apparent distance, they were, in fact, still in communication with the phantom thief.

"Get your ass back here," Heiji hissed quietly so as not to be overheard. "I still owe you one!"

 _"Not on your life, Tantei-han,"_ KID chirped in a singsong manner over the earpiece. _"It was hard enough beating you that one time, and I've no desire to get my ass handed to me. I'll keep my win, thanks."_

Heiji's teeth could be heard squeaking over the line, so hard was he gnashing them. "KID, I'm going to kill you by first—"

The Osakan was interrupted by Saguru's hand slapping over his mouth. "Hattori-kun, I would refrain from stating out loud your intentions to murder Kaitou KID, regardless of how much everyone here shares your sentiment—particularly in the midst of a bunch of other policemen."

Heiji wrestled himself out of Saguru's grip. "I _know_ already!"

Saguru's brow rose in skepticism. "I'm sure," he replied dryly.

"I lost…" moaned a voice behind them, and the three detectives turned to find Kaito slumped morosely against the exterior wall of the museum looking absolutely miserable. "I can't believe I _lost_ …"

Saguru frowned in the direction KID had escaped to, then glanced back at the forlorn magician, eyes narrowing in calculation. Before any of them could say something to Kaito, a small puff of smoke and confetti burst above the Division Three officer's head, an envelope with KID's signature scrawled across the front drifting down by a handkerchief parachute. Kaito grasped the missive and curiously opened it. Heiji, Shinichi, and Saguru crowded around to read over his shoulder.

* * *

 _Tantei-chan,_

 _Do not be disheartened. You performed  
most excellently, and I am sure you  
did your father proud. I will admit I  
had been a bit preoccupied tonight, and  
therefore due to my distraction I have  
done you a grave disservice. Therefore,  
I hereby declare myself the loser of this  
bout and you the de facto winner. My  
hat's off to you; I gracefully relinquish  
my status as the world's best magician  
in honor of your late father, who I too  
greatly admired._

 _Warm wishes and kind regards,_

 _-Kaitou KID_

* * *

Kaito sighed shakily upon reading the note, and none of the other three said anything as the theft detective gazed up into the sky with a watery smile.

Saguru shot the other two detectives a quizzical look that said, _So… if Kuroba's here, then who the hell did we watch fly off?!_

* * *

Author's Note: Aw, isn't KID sweet? And they're all still confused. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 03.08.2016


	90. XC: Kuroba and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XC: Kuroba and Hakuba

* * *

"Are you hurt, Kuroba-kun?" Saguru asked once he felt Kaito appeared sufficiently recovered from his moment of misty-eyed gratefulness.

Kaito blinked. "No, I'm fine, aside from being kicked in the kidney by KID," he answered as he rubbed his back, and the blond thought back to the flying tackle and probable subsequent scuffle that included both magicians.

Both Shinichi and Heiji frowned, watching Kaito move about with ease. "But KID was shot…" Shinichi murmured. There had been blood spattered on the rooftop. The spray pattern had all the characteristics of being caused by a high-velocity projectile—and under binoculars, KID had flown off with a large crimson splotch on one arm.

 _"HE WAS?!"_ Kaito yelped, startling the other three. "Then— _that_ was why he kicked us all off the roof after dousing it in smoke, the sneaky ass!"

"How _did_ he get you all off?" Heiji queried, curious.

Kaito grinned. "He somehow turned the roof into a giant slide and caught all of us in a net on the backside of the museum. It was surprisingly fun!"

"You _would_ think that," Saguru muttered under his breath.

"Well, I'm going home now. Have to show this to Aoko!" the Division Three officer chirped, waving the note. "See you all later!"

Once Kaito had left, the other three stood in stumped silence. Kaito, they had all thought—had been so _sure_ —had to be Kaitou KID. But tonight had disproved it—they even had evidence. The phantom thief's blood had been sampled and whisked away to a lab for analysis. And yet Kuroba Kaito had bounced off without any hint of pain, for with _that_ much blood on the rooftop even the most stoic person would have winced at movement of any kind.

"The bloody _fucking_ hell…?" Saguru voiced in bafflement, and Shinichi and Heiji sighed in mystified agreement.

* * *

"You made it out safely?"

 _"Of course. There was no need to worry about me despite the fact that you pulled me out of 'retirement', so to speak. My apologies that I could not perform any of your signature magic."_

"No worries—it was fine since I was able to cover for you. And my deepest apologies about the retirement thing. All the same, thank you for your help tonight, Chat."

 _"Anytime, KID. Did you really get shot?"_

"Nah, faked a hit to get them to move a little faster. Forensics will have evidence that KID is, in fact, a gorgeously rare silky sifaka."

 _"A silky sif—? Well, it's fitting, if utterly cheeky. You didn't kill the poor animal, did you?"_

"What? No! I merely happened to get my hands on a blood sample. And thank you. I rather thought so myself."

 _"You would. Oh… they're beginning the boarding process, so I do need to go. It was good seeing you again, Kuroba Kaito-san."_

"Same here. Have a safe flight, Ruby Jones-san."

* * *

Author's Note: … Bet you weren't expecting her, were you? I'm cackling so hard right now at the fruit of my scheming, which actually sounds a little pathetic now that I think about it. Oh well. I thoroughly enjoyed reading all of your guesses and conjectures. It was really impressive how much thought some of you put into trying to figure the trick out. But here's how the two worked it out:

Pre-heist:  
Kuroba Kaito = Kuroba Kaito  
Kaitou KID = Ruby Jones

Syn-heist:  
Kuroba Kaito = Ruby Jones  
Kaitou KID = Kuroba Kaito

Post-heist:  
Kuroba Kaito = Kuroba Kaito  
Kaitou KID = Ruby Jones

Silky sifakas are a critically endangered species of lemur with a full body of long white fur; the word "lemur" is derived from "lemures"—spirits or ghosts in Roman mythology. Fitting for KID, though unfortunately they are predominately diurnal. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 04.08.2016


	91. XCI: Hattori and Kuroba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XCI: Hattori and Kuroba

* * *

"Ah, _fuck_ …"

Heiji barely spared a glance at the man at his side. "Something bugging you, Kuroba?" he asked as he dodged a sedan with a swerve.

Kaito rubbed the back of his neck at the rough handling of the vehicle while bracing himself with the so-called "Oh Shit" bar. "I slept funny last night, and now I've got a crick. _Goddamn_ it hurts…"

The Osakan grunted and proceeded to ignore the now muttering brunet. The two had initially been paired up for a theft-turned-murder, and now they were chasing the culprit, who had fled before he could be cuffed and led away. He had stolen a vehicle, and now the two were in pursuit in a high-speed chase down a highway.

Heiji floored the pedal and cut off a semi as he glared at the target vehicle they were closing in on. "Kuroba," he snapped, and Kaito glanced at his current partner. "I know this is breaking the rules, but do you want to do something crazy?"

Kaito's eyes lit with interest. "How crazy is crazy?"

"If I pull up next to this asshole," the Division One detective grunted as he switched lanes around a pickup, "do you think you can somehow get into the vehicle and slow it down while incapacitating our target?"

The impish grin was all the reply needed. "Can do," Kaito said with a cheeky salute, and Heiji pushed his car alongside the murderer-thief's. Kaito had already rolled down his window and with a whoop, launched himself out of Heiji's car and somehow managed to latch himself onto the roof of the culprit's.

Heiji fell back far enough to come to a stop if Kaito fell off, but he watched with complete amazement as Kaito knocked out the glass with… something… on the backseat passenger side and wiggled his way inside. The vehicle swerved dangerously as the two fought for control of the car, but by this time the rest of the police had arrived to form a blockade alongside Heiji.

Then suddenly, the car began to slow and an arm stuck out of the driver's side and flashed a thumb up.

The Osakan laughed as the entire fleet rolled to a stop along the side of the highway. "Hoo boy," he muttered with a mix of dread and euphoria as Inspector Megure marched up towards him, mustache bristling in anger, "We are _so_ toast."

* * *

Author's Note: And the crazy duo is at it again. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 15.08.2016


	92. XCII: Hakuba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XCII: Hakuba and Kudou

* * *

"Kudou-kun."

Shinichi glanced at Saguru, who stood next to him in the lunch line to purchase their midday meal in the cafeteria. "Yes, Hakuba?"

"Do you believe Kuroba-kun's particular brand of crazy is infectious?" the blond asked with a rhetorical air and a slight frown wrinkling his brows.

"Ah," the homicide detective hummed knowingly with a chuckle. "I take it you're referring to Hattori and Kuroba's stunt earlier this morning regarding the murder-theft?" Shinichi had had a first-row seat to his friends' very thorough chewing out by both Inspectors Megure and Momose. Shinichi thought he had never seen his superior so red in the face before. He swiped his credit card to pay for his meal as he said, "That was really gutsy of the two of them."

Saguru followed Shinichi after his own meal was paid for. "It was dangerous," he sighed as they set their trays on the table and seated themselves. "They could have injured or killed themselves—Kuroba-kun in particular—had anything gone even the slightest bit wrong."

Shinichi huffed. "Oh, come on. We all know that out of the four of us, Kuroba is the most capable of doing stupid shit like that and surviving that would get the rest of us killed."

The half-Briton sipped his miso soup after mumbling his thanks for the food. "He's just a trained circus monkey," he muttered churlishly.

The Tokyoite laughed. "Lighten up, Hakuba. Just admit that you're glad that neither of them were hurt in the process." He snapped his chopsticks apart, whispered a thank you for the meal, and dug into his yakisoba with gusto. He had missed breakfast this morning after sleeping through his alarm since Ran was away for a conference.

Saguru swallowed the small cubes of tofu, set the bowl down, and started into his teriyaki chicken bento. With a melodramatic sigh, he said, "I'm just disappointed I missed an opportunity to hand them both Darwin Awards. That's all."

Shinichi snorted into his noodles. "Darwin Awards. I'd say that one has to go to KID, hands down."

"You're absolutely right. KID's the only idiot who wears a costume that advertises, 'I'm right here, are you blind?'." the Division Two officer said, and then in a purposely louder voice, he continued, "Concerning the Darwin Awards, it only makes sense that Kaitou KID was shot." His voice carried far enough to reach Kaito, who had just entered the cafeteria. "He does, after all, have no sense of fashion, and _that_ is bound to get _anyone_ killed."

Kaito's sputtering squawk of outrage at having his idol dissed brought a grin to both of the detectives' faces.

* * *

Author's Note: Hehe, Darwin Awards! For those of you who don't know what those are, it's a made up "award" given to those who have done something stupid enough that their death would have been more meaningful than their continued existence. It is, however, very much a joke. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 21.08.2016


	93. XCIII: Hattori and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XCIII: Hattori and Kudou

* * *

"So how's all the wedding planning going?" Shinichi asked as both he and Heiji exited police headquarters. "Only two more days left. How's Kazuha handling it all?"

"Oh _gods_ ," Heiji groaned, "Don't get me started on it. She's still pretty wound up on the flowers that'll be used as table centerpieces and to decorate the banquet hall, which are going to be different from the flowers we'll have during the ceremony. I mean, they're _flowers_ —why do the colors matter at all?"

Shinichi, having already been through the process with Ran, hummed sagely and said, "All I can say, Hattori, is just—stay out of her way and let her fuss about it. You offer your opinion, and she'll shoot it down ten ways to Sunday. Ran was like that during our wedding planning." He grinned in sympathy. "Just let Kazuha plan it out so that it ends up being the perfect day for her—and you as well. It's the one big day where she'll have the chance to get completely dolled up as well—unless you two somehow start getting invited to ritzy charity balls and the like."

Heiji snorted and sent his friend a flat stare. "Even if I did get those kinds of invites, do you think I would willingly want to go to those, Kudou?"

The brunet pretended to think about it. "You would if they had good conversation," he remarked, smirking. He knew that people were probably one of the reasons Heiji purposely _avoided_ situations like those.

"You're such an ass," Heiji retorted as he shoved Shinichi in the shoulder with his own. He blinked as something light landed on his head, his vision whiting out a moment later. "What the—?" Reaching up, he snatched a small box attached to a small parachute—the part that had blinded him—off his head. Shinichi shrugged, though the smirk and the glint in his eyes suggested that he had a fairly good idea of who the sender was. Heiji cautiously opened the box to find a note and an Amazon gift card.

 _Wishing you a long and prosperous future  
with your beloved._

 _-Kaitou KID_

Heiji sighed, then chuckled. "That idiot…" he muttered fondly.

* * *

Author's Note: I've never planned a wedding myself, but having watched my older sister do so was enough to make me want to inch away from it all. And isn't KID sweet? I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 26.08.2016


	94. XCIV: Kudou and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XCIV: Kudou and Hattori

* * *

"I have the lab report from the heist," Saguru announced somewhat faintly as he shuffled into Division One's office and made his way towards Shinichi and Heiji's adjacent desks.

"Oh?" Shinichi hummed, his interest piqued. Heiji had also looked up from the report he had been reading, green eyes following the blond with curiosity. "It's taken longer than usual. What does it say?"

Saguru wordlessly handed over a dossier containing a sheaf of paper that had been hole punched and threaded through with the brackets on the top of the folder to Shinichi before leaning on the edge of Heiji's desk, slumping over in seeming defeat. The two homicide detectives were too consumed with the report to notice Saguru's body language.

 _DNA Laboratory Report_

 _Case: Kaitou KID_

 _Remarks: Specimen contaminated due to location of collection._

 _Results of Examination_

Shinichi flipped through the ensuing multiple sheets of charts that detailed the results of the RFLP, PCR, STR, and AmpFLP analyses to the summary page at the very end and read the last paragraph aloud for Heiji's benefit. _"In summary, the specimen provided was conclusively tested to be non-human in origin. Further analysis revealed that the specimen originated from the genus species_ Propithecus candidus _, more commonly known as the silky sifaka lemur of Madagascar."_

"… what…?" Heiji muttered after several seconds of shocked silence. "Kudou… did you read that correctly?"

Shinichi squinted at the paper, eyes glued on the very last sentence. "I did," he confirmed. "It says here: _'_ Propithecus candidus _, more commonly known as the silky sifaka lemur of Madagascar.'_ I'm not lying, nor am I misreading, Hattori." He glanced up at Saguru and finally noticed the blond's posture. "Well that's disappointing, isn't it, to discover that the evidence you thought you had was never evidence to begin with?"

Saguru chuckled tiredly. "Yeah."

There was a long moment of contemplative silence before Heiji blurted, "The hell is a silky sifucker anyway?" and both Shinichi and Saguru groaned loudly.

* * *

Author's Note: Erm… I couldn't resist that bit of "Telephone" at the end, and of course it would be Heiji who would say it like that. "Telephone" is a game I played in elementary in which one person whispers something to another, and by the time it reaches the last person in line, the end result may or may not resemble what was initially said. RFLP, PCR, STR, and AmpFLP analyses are, to my extremely limited understanding, methods of DNA profiling processes—from what I've read, normally only one method is generally used to create a profile. But as the sample was not even human, it took the lab longer to pinpoint the species. I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 29.08.2016


	95. XCV: Hattori and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XCV: Hattori and Hakuba

* * *

"Well… this _sucks_."

Saguru turned at the thick Kansai accent to find Heiji standing behind him. Sighing, he returned his gaze to the body before him. "Indeed."

The blond was still at the site of a KID heist; the man before him was one of the members of the Syndicate that he, Heiji, and Shinichi had helped capture members of at a previous heist. This man had apparently been shot by one of his own team members. Blood and grey matter was splattered across the concrete like a spectacularly gory work of abstract art.

"One of Them?" Heiji asked with quiet solemnness.

"Yes," Saguru replied. "No ID, though we've taken fingerprints and will comb through dental records as well. He's European—I'd say likely from southern Europe based on his complexion, so I don't hold much hope for getting the name of this man."

As the half-Briton spoke, Heiji had pulled on latex gloves and had begun prodding the body, eyes cataloguing various details. "Did KID get away?"

Saguru huffed. "As always. But he was shot at again."

Heiji's eyes snapped sharply to Saguru's. "Was he injured?"

"He was unharmed," Saguru confirmed with a shake of his head.

This time the Osakan sighed as he ripped off his gloves and pulled out his phone. "I should probably get Kudou over here. He'll likely want to know about the status of our _mutual friend_."

"Mutual friend, huh?" Saguru echoed with a snort. "You mean mutual pain in the bloody arse, right?"

Heiji smirked at the blond. "That too," he agreed before Shinichi picked up his phone. "Yo, Kudou, you might want to get your ass down here…"

* * *

Author's Note: And a little male bonding action that had been facilitated by none other than our favorite phantom thief. T-minus five… I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 02.09.2016


	96. XCVI: Kuroba and Hattori

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XCVI: Kuroba and Hattori

* * *

"What's this?"

Heiji glanced up to find Kaito looking over his shoulder at a copy of a Kaitou KID heist notice in his hand. "Oh, heist note from KID. Kudou was nice enough to make a copy for me."

Kaito leaned closer to read the riddle. "Oh? So what's he after?"

"You tell me," Heiji muttered with a snort. He reclined in his chair, Kaito shuffling around to lean on the edge of his desk. " _You're_ the KID fan, after all."

The Ekoda native shook his head. "I'm not all that great at solving riddles," he said with a helpless shrug. "I go to enjoy the magic."

"Ah." The two sat in comfortable, contemplative silence for several moments before Heiji asked, "Na, Kuroba. What will you do if KID finds whatever it is he's looking for?"

Kaito blinked. "What do you mean?"

Heiji glanced up at him from his vacant staring at the notice. "I mean, what happens when there are no more heists?"

The Division Three officer was silent for a long time. "I suppose…" he began, his voice quiet and full of a myriad of emotions that Heiji could not easily decipher, but he _did_ detect a thread of grief somewhere in his friend's tone. "I suppose I'll be happy that he's finally found what he's been searching for all these years."

"Would you _really_ be happy?" he asked softly. After Shinichi had explained what he knew of Kaitou KID's background, Heiji had found that despite the fact that the phantom thief was a criminal, he was still a good person with good intentions—even if his methods of execution were somewhat lacking in the legal aspects. But still, he could not help but wonder when Kaito would find what he was looking for, and he hoped it would be soon… for his sake, and to a lesser extent, for Aoko's as well.

"I would," Kaito sighed, a telling, bittersweet smile curving his lips. "I would."

Heiji glanced away, giving his friend a moment to himself as he wished with all his being that this heist target would _the_ one—that Kaitou KID could finally retire, and that Kuroba Kaito could finally live his life as he was meant to.

* * *

Author's Note: A sadder, more introspective piece, but I wanted to show another facet of Heiji that I as a writer do not normally explore. My apologies for the wait, my attention lately has been sucked into a Taiwanese rom-com titled 愛上哥們, or Bromance. Four… I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 15.09.2016


	97. XCVII: Hattori and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XCVII: Hattori and Kudou

* * *

Anticipation was heavy in the air. Between Inspector Nakamori's barking and the cheers of fans, Shinichi reflected that KID heists had become something of a "normal" source of entertainment for the masses over the years. He was here tonight with Heiji and Saguru, though he had left the two back in the bar area, bickering as they usually did. He himself was touring the grounds; the heist location this evening was the observation deck of the Bell Tree Tower, where a private jewelry exhibition was being held. He glanced out the window, eyes taking in the sheer height of the building and marveling at the capabilities of mankind.

"Don't think _too_ hard, you might blow a fuse."

Shinichi turned to find Heiji grinning at him. "Extricated yourself from your argument with Hakuba?"

The Osakan huffed. "Idiot was wondering why I was here. Tch, like I'm not allowed if you are." Unspoken was the unacknowledged understanding that the three of them would always come to a KID heist to watch his back, as it had been the thief who had first reached out.

The Tokyoite chuckled. "Well, we _all_ know how well your attempt at cornering KID turned out," he prodded, referring to the heist in which Heiji had been thoroughly trounced by a surprisingly adept katana-wielding Kaitou KID.

Heiji sighed in longsuffering. "Are you _always_ going to bring that up?" he moaned.

Shinichi grinned mischievously. "Why wouldn't I? It's not everyday that I see you get one-upped by someone in sword fighting, oh _national champion_."

The echoing sound of bright laughter muffled the irritated growl that was its accompaniment.

* * *

Author's Note: Have to love the brotherly teasing. Three… I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 20.09.2016


	98. XCVIII: Kudou and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XCVIII: Kudou and Hakuba

* * *

Saguru knew the moment KID had appeared, mainly because Shinichi's relaxed posture straightened and his eyes began to rove intently across faces. He himself began to glance about, his gaze wary and alert. There was still three minutes left until KID's scheduled appearance time, but if his friend's behavior was any indication, then KID was already here and disguised.

The blond sidled next to the homicide detective, aware that Heiji was also roving the floor of the museum, also on the prowl. "Guesses as to who he is disguised as?" he asked as he gave in to the obligatory cheek pinch from the Tokyoite. He knew it was of no use to try the same to Shinichi, as KID had a nearly identical face and could superficially pass off as the Modern-Day Holmes with complete ease.

Shinichi shook his head. "I can't tell just yet, but he has to be one of the officers clustered over there." He discretely gestured to a group of Nakamori's men who were gathered in a rough clump and chatting casually.

Saguru's eyes narrowed suspiciously on the men, absently rubbing his stinging cheek. "Is that so? Why do you think one of them?"

"I can't really describe it," Shinichi answered with a frown. "It's just… ever since I was poisoned, I've for the most part become extremely paranoid about having anyone's eyes on me, and therefore seemed to have developed a near preternatural sense regarding someone watching. That, and you just have to look for the little tells that indicate there is a disguise." He was now eying one officer in particular, a tall, burly man in full riot gear facing the both of them. "Like him, for example—see the way he constantly seems to shift on his feet? He's uncomfortable, and it could be from a variety of things: standing too long, working out too hard several days ago… perhaps even wearing lifts in his shoes."

Saguru gazed at Shinichi's suspected disguised KID with new eyes, indeed noting how gingerly the man stood. From this distance, it was impossible to tell exactly what caused the officer's discomfort.

"Or perhaps it's the one two to his left," Shinichi suggested. The man he referred to stood at an angle to where if he shifted his eyes, he could likely see the detectives in his focal vision and not merely in his peripheral vision. "He's been particularly tense and shifty-eyed since he arrived."

There was silence as Saguru studied Shinichi's other suspected KID. But as he stood slightly before the homicide detective, he unfortunately did not see the wide, cocky grin that normally found residence on Kaitou KID's face.

* * *

Author's Note: So the big question becomes: Where's Shinichi? Two… I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 30.09.2016


	99. XCIX: Kuroba and Hakuba

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

* * *

XCIX: Kuroba and Hakuba

* * *

"I _cannot_ _believe_ I fell for that," Shinichi fumed as the elevator dinged, indicating he had arrived on the observation deck. He had been on the way to the heist when Ran had called, her voice panicked as she stuttered through an explanation that she was, quite possibly, _pregnant_. They had not even _begun_ trying to have a child yet, they had _always_ used protection, and Ran had had her period _last week_. Shinichi had then rushed back home, only to find his puzzled wife baking an apple pie and wondering why her husband had burst through the door completely out of breath. Shinichi had taken one look at Ran, cursed viciously, and sprinted back out the door. "I'm going to fucking _kill_ that motherfucker…!"

Saguru turned his head and blinked in confusion upon seeing Shinichi stomp out of the elevator. He quickly turned to stare at the Shinichi that he had been conversing with, only to find the one next to him grinning widely.

"Looking for me, Tantei-san?" Kaitou KID asked brightly before he dropped a smoke bomb.

Saguru coughed in the sudden explosion of fine particulate matter as he swiped at the spot the thief had been in, and he heard everyone on the deck shout as what he assumed were other smoke bombs rigged all around the floor went off. KID's laughter echoed in throughout the observation deck, disorienting the half-Briton further. It was only when his eyelids began to droop that he realized it was not simply smoke, but sleeping gas, and he struggled furiously to stay awake.

Kaitou KID, for his part, landed softly on the display case and easily bypassed the security measures. He snatched the Autumn Frost from its resting spot on a velvet cushion, and as he dodged a clumsy grab from Saguru, a flash of bloody light caught his eye. His breath caught at the cautious optimism that swelled in his chest as he caught the blond before he brained himself on the display stand. He was still careful of his surroundings, however, as he knew Shinichi and Heiji were still lurking about—though whether they were truly _out_ was anyone's guess. He was fairly sure Shinichi was up and about, though Heiji he was almost willing to bet was out like a light.

"Sleep well, Tantei-san," he murmured as he carefully laid Saguru down before fleeing to the roof, heart pounding in anticipation and hope that this was truly _the_ one—

—that _this_ was _Pandora_.

* * *

Author's Note: Think Kaito's found finally it? One… I hope you enjoyed it.

* * *

Completed: 03.10.2016


	100. C: Kuroba and Kudou

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

* * *

Warnings: Language, minor violence

* * *

TMPD Antics

By Taliya

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C: Kuroba and Kudou

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Kaitou KID stood on the roof of the observation deck staring, enraptured, at the citrine and milky quartz stone in his fingers. The normally tangerine color of the citrine was currently illuminated an eerie red, and Shinichi only had a glimpse of it backlit by the light of the full moon before the thief tucked it away.

"What _was_ that?" he asked uncomfortably, an involuntary shiver of revulsion sweeping through him at the sight. It raised his metaphorical hackles on a most primal level, inciting deep feelings of cagey unease that squeezed his chest like a vise.

"It's what I've been seeking for more than two decades, Meitantei. It means this chapter of my life is done," KID answered softly as he turned, a smile Shinichi had never seen before on the magician's face painting his expression. "It means I can finally lay my ghosts to rest and live a life bereft of thieving."

Shinichi blinked, equal parts surprised, gratified, and disappointed. "So you're—you're retiring?"

KID chuckled and nodded. "I suppose, yes."

"But—" the Beika native verbally flailed a little, caught wrong-footed. "What are you going to do with the gem?"

"Destroy it," the thief answered simply, and there was a mixture of nostalgic wistfulness and ominous determination in his voice. "There has already been _far_ too much bloodshed over a silly little bauble like this."

Shinichi did not quite know what to say in the face of the thief's uncharacteristic candor, but neither did he want to contest the thief when a mere glimpse of the jewel had sent such strong chills of repulsion through him.

"But, Meitantei," he purred conspiratorially, and the detective's guard shot back up as KID approached, wary of the magician's sudden mood change. "Fear not," he crooned right before he snagged Shinichi gently by the lines of his jawbone and planted a brief but firm kiss on his lips. The thief pulled away with an exaggerated _"Muah!"_ and a delighted cackle as the homicide detective stood stock-still, frozen in shock. The magician danced away once Shinichi finally regained enough motor function of his limbs to make a heartfelt retaliatory swipe at the phantom thief, which was swiftly followed by a vexed soccer ball. KID dodged the black and white projectile with ease as he chirped, "You're still my favorite, Tantei-kun!"

"You—you—!" Shinichi stammered in frustrated, flustered embarrassment, all hints of his earlier apprehension at the gem forgotten in the wake of KID's outrageous behavior.

"Don't be like that, Meitantei! I'll always love you!" The phantom thief's voice echoed with bright, joyous laughter and an edge of triumph as he twisted and tipped over the edge of the building and disappeared from view in a burst of white smoke, colorful confetti, and fluttering doves.

"KURO—" Shinichi bellowed after the vanished thief, still reeling from the unexpected buss but somehow retaining the presence of mind to catch his near slip of the tongue. "I mean— _KID!_ " He stopped by the edge of the roof, watching the smoke dissipate in the moonlight, pathetically grateful for the lack of media cameras nearby. A soft smile graced his lips as he sighed deeply and murmured, "I'm glad you finally found what you were looking for, Kuroba."

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Author's Note: And this is how you learn your Roman numerals from one to one hundred. Yay. I am _done_ with this fic for good! Thank you so much for sticking with me to the end of this; I had great fun thinking up and writing different scenarios for this. And since today's my birthday, this is my gift to all you KaiShin/ShinKai shippers (my apologies to my non-KaiShin/ShinKai shippers, but I could not resist adding a humorous scene like this to finish the series off—plus, Kaito _would_ do this purely for the shock factor). Thank you so much again! I hope you enjoyed it.

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Completed: 08.10.2016


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